Reliquish
by Melizzy511
Summary: What God has joined, let no man break apart.
1. Chapter 1

**Originally posted on my mailing list, svu_ladies .**

Olivia pulled up in front of the house that she used to share with Alex. Before getting out of the car she took a good long look and noticed that the front door needed painting and the grass was a little higher than she would have ever allowed it to get.

She thought back to the day they'd moved in, how happy and optimistic they'd been. She remembered helping Alex to the car as they left for the hospital to deliver their daughter Teegan. How she'd proudly placed a pink banner across the front door before returning to that same hospital and bringing her partner and their child home.

Her mind did a quick slideshow of all the birthday's and anniversaries that had followed. And then her mind turned to the time when it all seemed to fall apart. She realized, not for the first time, that their parting had not occurred because of one event or even a series of small events, but just a fading over time.

She remembered the morning when she woke up and the reality that she had fallen out of love with Alex hit her square in the head. How when she looked over, Alex's face had mirrored her own. How they'd made love that morning in a desperate attempt to ward off the inevitable. And how they'd clung to each other and cried afterwards.

Olivia had moved out a month later, into a place two streets over. They shared custody of Teegan and even had dinner together as a 'family' from time to time, and always holidays. And once or twice they'd even ended up back in bed again, but never talked about it.

They had both recently started dating other people and Olivia didn't want to ponder how either of them finding someone new might affect the status quo. And she tried not to think about Alex sleeping with someone else.

Taking a deep breath to clear her thoughts she opened the car door, pasted on a smile and walked up the walkway to ring the doorbell.

Teegan opened the door and as only an 12 year old could, she yelled, "Mom, Momz is here!"

She hurried off to get her overnight bag giving her mother's a moment alone. She hoped they would one day get a clue, but she seriously doubted that would ever happen.

"Hey Liv."

"Alex."

"Thanks for taking her tonight. I, uh, I have…."

"A date?" Olivia watched Alex's face and nodded as the blonde nodded.

"She told you."

"Yeah. It's ok Alex. I, uh…."

"Have been seeing a certain blonde school counselor for the last three weeks?"

Olivia ducked her head. "Yeah. Her name is Penny."

Alex stepped up to her former partner and tilted her head up. "It's ok for us to m…see other people Olivia." She'd started to say 'move' on, but that didn't seem right either. "We're ok."

Olivia nodded and then looked down at the door. "The door needs painting. I could stop by and paint it one day if you want?"

Alex smiled. "Actually, Janice is going to paint it. It's on our list of things to do this weekend."

The admission hurt Olivia more than she thought it would and she could only manage a nod. Before they could say anything else, Teegan came running through the hallway and right through the door. She brushed a kiss across Alex's cheek and took on off toward the car.

Alex and Olivia said good-bye and parted. Alex watched through the peephole as her former partner and their daughter pulled away from the house and disappeared down the street.

She suddenly felt very lonely and hurt and reached for the phone to call and cancel her dinner with Janice. She still wanted to spend the next day with the woman, but she no longer wanted to have dinner and possibly more that night.

In fact, for the first time since they'd parted almost a year ago, she found herself wanting to be with Olivia. And that startled her.

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia kept glancing at the rearview mirror as they pulled away until finally Teegan said, "She watches from the peephole."

"What?"

"Mom, she watches us from the peephole until we are out of sight."

"How do you know that?"

Teegan shrugged. "I heard Serena giving her a hard time about breaking her eyelashes on the door. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out."

Olivia was genuinely interested and couldn't help herself so she blurted out, "Did you over hear anything else?"

Teegan knew she had her mother's attention and decided to play it up for all it was worth. She was tired of their being apart, tired of shuffling from one house to the next, tired of hearing her mom cry at night when she thought Teegan was asleep, tired of hearing her other mother on the phone with that nut job John Munch talking about the philosophical significance of falling out of love on a post modern society, whatever that was.

And she did not like Janice who tried to butt in and tell her how to hit a softball and who had offered to take her to the batting cage when Olivia got called in last Saturday. She didn't like the way Penny had tried to 'help' her fix her hair a few days ago either. She wanted her parents back together ASAP.

"I heard Mom crying the night I told her you'd started dating wheat Penny."

"Teegan! Stop calling her that!" Olivia felt compelled to correct her daughter even though once she thought about it, the girl was right; Penny's hair was the color of wheat, not spun gold like Alex's.

"Ok, Penny. But did you just hear what I said? You made mom cry by dating…her!"

Olivia pulled the car into her driveway and shut the engine off. She looked over at her daughter and saw hurt in her eyes.

"I'm…I'm sorry your mom cried Teegan. But we both decided to move on, ok?"

Teegan decided to play hardball so she smiled and added, "Ok. Besides, I'm pretty sure her and ol' Janice are going to do the deed tonight."

"What? Why do you say that?"

Teegan got out of the car, shrugged and threw over her shoulder, "I saw a Victoria 's Secret bag in her closet with some new undies in it."

Olivia watched her go and felt her heart sink at the thought of some other woman making love to her woman. Her eyes went wide as she realized what she'd just said to herself. She stomped up the steps to her house and shoved all thoughts of Alex and 'Janice' out of her mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex Cabot sat on the couch in her darkened living room with a bottle of cheap wine. She'd finished the good stuff earlier and found the cheaper bottle in the pantry. For the first time since they had parted, Alex allowed herself to cry. It was a gut wrenching, soul cleansing cry followed by bad wine which had left her slightly drunk and very horny.

She picked up the phone and debated calling Janice. They were after all supposed to be having wild sex at that very moment. She took a look at herself, wearing her ratty old robe, the one her mind reminded her Olivia had bought her years ago. Underneath she had on her pajamas and an old pair of Olivia's socks. She decided she didn't feel like getting dolled up in her new Victoria 's Secrets panties and bra, so she opted to call Janice just to check in.

"Janice? It's Alex. Are you in bed?"

"Yes, but I'm not asleep. Just reading a book. What are you doing? Do you have a cold, you sound sort of stuffy?"

Alex sniffed. "Uh, just some allergies. I'm sorry about cancelling tonight, but I look forward to spending tomorrow with you."

"Me too Alex." They lapsed into silence. "Hey Alex?"

"Yes?"

"Is Teegan spending all weekend at Olivia's?"

Alex smiled. "Yes. Why?"

"Well…since we didn't get together tonight, I was wondering if maybe we might tomorrow night? If I could…stay?"

Without giving herself time to back out, Alex replied in the affirmative.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Why do you sound so surprised?"

"Alex, we've been going out for a month and to be honest, I don't usually wait this long to seal the deal, so to speak. Hell, I've never been with anybody who wanted to wait!"

Alex felt slightly miffed and a tad hurt that Janice didn't seem to think she was worth the wait. A voice in her head reminded her that she and Olivia had gone to bed shortly after they started dating, but she quickly told the voice in her head that that was only because they'd spent two years dancing around the issue and essentially dating without dating, so really, they'd waited much longer than two weeks.

And finally she reminded herself that this woman wasn't Olivia and that it wasn't fair to compare the two. And she was currently horny.

"Hey Janice? Ever had phone sex?"

XXXXXXXXX

Later that night

Alex was hugging "her" side of the bed thinking about what had happened earlier. She and Olivia had often engaged in phone sex when the detective was on a stake out or undercover, so Alex had no ill will toward the practice, however, at her moment of climax with Janice on the other end of the line urging her on, it was Olivia's face she saw, and that had caused her grief. She was grateful that Janice had been in the moment and not noticed when Alex had stopped responding.

As she lay on "her" side of the bed, she realized that in the entire time she'd been separated from Olivia, never once had she slept on what was Olivia's "side" of the bed. Glancing at the clock she realized it was almost 5 and she really needed to get some sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

Benson Household

Olivia was currently watching her daughter try to make a perfectly round pancake. The younger version of Alex was trying to learn how to cook, so she wouldn't, in her words, starve. It was well known that Alex didn't have the best culinary skills, and Olivia had done most of the cooking.

Teegan kept stealing glances at her other mother, whom she sometimes referred to as OM , and knew the knowledge that her blonde mother had probably slept with ol' Janice was hitting her hard. Teegan doubted that her mother could possible go through with it, but she didn't think her OM needed to know that.

"Is ol' wheat Penny horning in on our time together today?"

"Teegan." Olivia's voice was an admonishment. "Actually, yes, if that's ok?"

"Mom!"

"Teegan, she just wants to go shopping with us. She's really trying with you. Please?"

Teegan finally relented and served up the lone pancake she'd made.

XXXXXXXXX

Janice had brought Alex a bagel and a latte that morning. The blonde had greeted her with a kiss and eagerly accepted the offering.

Janice tried to get frisky with Alex, but the blonde handed her a paintbrush and pointed her in the direction of the door. She saw that Alex was going to re-paint it the same color it was, blue and talked to her about changing colors.

"But I like it blue."

"Yeah, but you know, new chapter of your life and all. Maybe you'd want to change the color? Sort of…symbolic."

Alex considered what she said and then sort of shrugged. "What other color would you suggest?"

Janice took her hand. "I don't know. Let's go to Homo Depot and find a color."

XXXXXXXXXXX

At the Mall

Teegan was currently rolling her eyes behind Penny's back as Olivia was trying to shoot her a menacing stare, and failing. The girl was looking for some new jeans and had gone into a store. Penny had followed and picked a couple of pairs for Teegan, all of which Teegan had flatly refused to even try on.

Now they were trying to decide on something for lunch and since Penny was a vegetarian, it was difficult at best in the burger and grease pit of the food court. Teegan was of course like her mother's; ravenous meat eaters.

They finally settled on a burger joint that also offered salads and olive oil as a dressing. Penny tried to engage the girl and Olivia tried to pitch in as much as possible, but it was still a challenge and by the end of the day all three were just happy to be back at Olivia's house.

Teegan disappeared into her room and began texting one of her friends while Olivia and Penny sat on the couch discussing the day and lamenting on how much work it would take to win Teegan over.

"Don't take it personally Penny. This is the first time she's seen either one of us, Alex and me, with somebody else romantically. If it makes you feel any better, she's not too keen on the woman Alex is currently dating either."

Penny smiled. "It's rough on them, especially at this age. As long as her mom likes me, everything else will work itself out."

She pulled Olivia down for a kiss and deepened it. Olivia nervously pulled back and glanced down the hall.

"Uh, Penny…maybe we should uh, you know, stop?"

Penny gave a slight nod. "Because of Teegan?" Olivia nodded. "So I guess me staying the night is out of the question?"

"Huh?" Olivia was surprised by the request. They hadn't really talked about the physical aspect of their relationship. "Uh, wow. I didn't realize you were ready to move to the next step."

Penny laughed. "Olivia, I was ready the minute you walked into my office requesting information on Molly Shan."

Olivia eased off of the other woman. "Oh. Wow. Uh, look Penny, I definitely wouldn't mind getting naked with you, but Teegan's here. I mean, Alex and I haven't discussed the rules for sleepovers, you know?"

Penny nodded and then ran her hand down Olivia's stomach and stopped just on top of her belt buckle.

"I can come back after she goes to bed and leave before morning."

Olivia's eyes widened. "But it's our first time. That seems kind of…I don't know…."

Penny cocked her head. "Olivia, I don't need heart's a flowers and romance; I just need to be fucked by you. In case you haven't noticed, I'm well past the age of consent and courtship."

To emphasize her point she slipped her hand down into Olivia's pants and gently stroked her lower abdomen. Olivia swallowed hard.

"She's in bed by 10. I'll call you."

XXXXXXXXXX

Cabot Household

Alex and Janice had spent the day painting the front door green, cutting the lawn and washing Alex's car. It was just a normal day spent doing normal things. Janice had brought a change of clothing for dinner that night and both women showered before going out to dinner.

Alex was dressing in her bedroom while Janice showered in the guest bathroom. She looked between her dresser drawer that contained her used undies and the bag on her closet floor. Coming to a decision, she raided the pink Victoria 's Secrets bag and slipped into her new garments. She then slipped into one of her short, breezy summer dresses and put on her tortoise shell glasses. She smiled at her reflection and then went to find Janice.

XXXXXXXXXX

10:30 PM, Benson House

Teegan Cabot-Benson was seething as she lay in her bed. She wasn't as dumb as her parents apparently thought she was. Her OM was never one for being a stickler about bedtimes on the weekend and the fact that she'd ushered Teegan off to bed a few minutes before 10 was proof enough to Teegan that something was going on and she was pretty sure that something involved ol' wheat Penny.

She might not know a lot about sex, but she did know what it meant when her mother was nervous and trying to get her in bed and asleep in a rush. She'd finally just given in and pretended to go to sleep. She then lay in bed listening to every creak of the house and knew the minute her mother let Penny back into the house. She was trying to figure out what to do as she heard muffled noises coming from the living room.

On the couch….

Penny had shoved Olivia down onto the couch and then straddled her lap. She had her shirt off and her breast exposed to Olivia's mouth. The brunette had been a bit surprised at the ease and quickness with which Penny had gotten semi-naked, but before she could ponder that Penny had felt her up.

"I need you inside me Olivia…please!" Her voice was low and harsh.

XXXXXXXXX

Alex and Janice had returned to her home and Alex had led her date down the hall and into the spare bedroom. She'd decided she was ready for the next step, but that she wanted to keep her bedroom to herself for now.

She began slowly undressing for Janice and the brunette definitely liked what Alex had chosen as her undergarments. When the blonde was down to just her bra and panties, Janice stopped her and reached out with her own hand to lower Alex's bra straps.

As her coral tipped breasts became exposed, the cool air caused them to harden and Alex felt herself begin to blush under Janice's gaze. Janice stepped forward and kissed Alex, finally easing her back onto the bed. As the blonde lay looking up at her, she leaned forward and quickly pulled Alex's panties down and off her legs, completely exposing her to the brunettes. Her first reaction was to try and cover herself, but Janice shook her head.

"You are beautiful."

She began unbuttoning her shirt and quickly shed her bra. Her breasts were dark and firm and Alex swallowed hard at seeing breasts that didn't belong to Olivia. She quickly reached over and turned off the lamp and hurried under the covers. While she had been busy doing that, Janice had stripped off and was now easing under the covers with Alex.

"Sorry I'm being so…."

"Shh. I like the fact that you're shy. It's sweet."

She leaned in and began kissing Alex and rolled the blonde beneath her. She shifted her weight and Alex felt something unfamiliar pressing into her.

"What is that?"

Janice, who had been busy kissing her neck managed to answer. "Huh?"

Alex wiggled beneath her. "That? What is that?"

Janice pulled back, confused.

"My tool?"

Alex scrambled to get out from under her. She reached down and touched the smooth, thick vinyl and quickly drew her hand away.

"What do you think you are going to do with that?"

Janice was now lying on her side. "Use it on you?"

Alex jumped up out of bed, switched on the lamp and grabbed for something to cover her body with. She ended up with the pillow and stood awkwardly trying to cover her body.

"Absolutely not!"

"Alex? It's new, so don't worry about any latent germs, ok? I even have condoms if you want."

Alex clutched the pillow more firmly to her body.

"Janice, I don't want one of those things anywhere near me! If I wanted dick, I'd go get dick!"

Janice felt her anger flare. "It's not a dick Alex! I don't want to have a dick, it's just what I use to make love with somebody. It's shaped a certain way because your body, my body has a specific place for it to make you feel good during sex! Didn't you and Olivia ever use one?"

"No. Never."

"Really? Not even a vibe?"

"A few toys yes, but not…not that." She wanted to add that their love making didn't really require much beyond each other and that it was always good. Really good. "Do you always use that?"

Janice shrugged. "No, but more often than not."

"I'm sorry, but…."

"Shhh. Hey, come here. I'll take it off and we can just cuddle, ok?"

Alex hesitated and Janice fumbled under the covers and flung the dildo out of the bed. She held the sheet up and motioned for Alex to crawl in. Finally she did after grabbing her panties and Janice's t-shirt, and Janice wrapped the blonde up from behind. After a while Alex relaxed into her embrace and smiled over her shoulder at the brunette. They fell asleep that way.

XXXXXXXXX

Olivia had just gotten Penny's pants down and was just about to enter her when she heard Teegan scream. She pushed Penny off of her lap and grabbed her shirt as she hurried down the hall.

She'd just gotten both arms in her shirt as she flipped the light on and saw her daughter thrashing about in bed.

"Teegan? Teegan wake up!" She went over to the bed and shook her daughter who gradually began to wake up. The girl clung to Olivia and did a fairly good job of acting scared.

"Mommy?"

Olivia's heart broke at the endearment. Teegan only ever called her or Alex 'mommy' when she was scared or hurt.

"It's ok baby, I'm here. I'm here."

Teegan pulled back and gave Olivia the most pitiful look she could muster.

"Will you sleep with me tonight?"

Olivia smoothed her daughter's hair and nodded.

"I was just getting ready for bed. Stay in here and I'll be back in a few minutes, ok?"

Teegan smiled as her mother hurried out of the room and she felt relief as she heard the quite click of the front door and knew she'd thwarted whatever was about to happen in the living room.

Olivia quickly got ready for bed and crawled in behind Teegan. The girl cuddled up to her and whispered, "I love you mommy." And it was true, she did lover her mother's and they really needed to get a clue.


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia and Teegan spent the day just hanging out and being together. They'd played some video games and went out for pizza for lunch.

"Hey Teeg?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to talk about your nightmare?"

Teegan stopped chewing and looked at her mother. "It was…just a dream. I don't really remember."

Olivia watched her. "It must have been pretty bad for you to call me 'mommy.'"

Teegan looked offended. "I call you guys mommy. Sometimes."

Olivia smiled at the indignant look on her daughter's face. It was a classic Alex Cabot look if ever there was one. The brief thought of Alex caused her a moment of pain as she remembered what her ex had more than likely been doing the night before.

"Only when you are sick or scared. I just wanted to make sure you were ok?"

Teegan smiled. "I'm ok. Thanks for sleeping with me last night."

"No problem baby. Sometimes it's nice to be called mommy. Now eat up, it's almost time for me to take you back home."

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex heard the car pull into the driveway and went to open the front door. She saw Olivia look at the door and the slight frown that crossed her face. It was gone almost as quickly as it appeared.

Teegan stopped short at the door and looked up at her mother.

"Green?" She rolled her eyes and stomped on into the house.

Alex and Olivia spent a full minute just looking at each other. Alex finally broke the stare and motioned toward the door.

"Janice convinced me to change colors."

"Ah. Well, it's just different Alex. Teeg will come around."

Alex nodded. "What do you think of the color?"

Olivia looked at the door again and thought about how she and Alex had painted the door blue right after they moved in. How they'd argued over the exact shade of blue and how Alex had finally convinced her to go with steel blue instead of Lake Eerie blue. She also thought there had been nothing wrong with the color and how some interloper named Janice had no right to change the color of the door to their house. Realizing what she'd just thought she quickly mumbled something about the color being fine.

She stuck her head into the house looking for any sign of Teegan and finding none she motioned for Alex to come closer.

"Can we have lunch tomorrow? I need to talk to you about some things and it includes Teegan."

Alex thought about her schedule and nodded. "I have a meeting close to lunch but I'll cancel it. Is she ok?"

Olivia nodded. "I think so, but she did have a nightmare last night and asked me to sleep with her. She even called me 'mommy.'"

Alex's eye brows rose. "Wow. Come by around noon. I'll have food delivered and we can talk in my office."

Olivia smiled. "See you then." She started to step forward and kiss Alex on the cheek, but stopped herself.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mid Town

Olivia arrived at Alex's office in Mid Town and realized it was the first time she'd been to the office since she and Alex had broken up. Unaccustomed to waiting in the reception area, she shifted from foot to foot until Alex appeared in the doorway of her office and waved Olivia in.

Olivia noticed that the photo of them as a family was still sitting on Alex's desk. For some reason this made her happy.

Alex buzzed her secretary and told her that she didn't want to be bothered and to go pick-up the food she'd ordered.

"So what's up?"

"Uhm, Alex, we're both seeing people now, and uh, well, you know at some point, if not already, things will progress. What are the rules?"

"Rules?"

Olivia looked away. "You know sleepovers and Teegan?"

Realization finally dawned on Alex and she cleared her throat.

"I hadn't thought of that." She tried to compose herself, but wasn't having much luck. An irrational jealousy bubbled up and before she could filter her thoughts she burst out with, "I wasn't aware you and Penny were sleeping together, which is certainly your business, but not with my daughter in the house!"

"Me? You're the one who sent Teegan to me on a weekend that wasn't mine so you and the door painter could get naked!"

"I did not!" As she considered the words she realized that maybe, just maybe there was truth to that.

"Teegan says you bought…stuff at Victoria 's Secrets? Sounds to me like you were intent on gettin' some this weekend Alex!"

Alex felt herself blush and then felt tears spring to her eyes. "I did not sleep with her!"

Olivia turned away from the blonde and swore. "Don't lie to me Alex! We've never lied to each other and there is no need to start now!"

Alex grabbed Olivia's arm, turning her back to face her. "I'm not." Tears spilled down her face. "Not that it's any of your concern Olivia, but we didn't go through with it. She wanted to use a…strap-on on me."

Olivia stepped forward and wiped at Alex's tears. "Did she…hurt you?"

"No." Alex finally managed a smile and shook her head. "I just…we never used those kinds of toys." In a smaller quieter voice she added, "We didn't need to."

Olivia felt like a heel. "No, we didn't." She led Alex over to the couch and they sat down. "I'm…sorry about that Alex." She kissed the blonde's hand as she entwined their fingers.

"I don't think we should sleep with other people when Teegan's in the house, ok? I think it's been harder on her than she'd ever admit and until we're ready to make a more permanent arrangement with someone, let's not do that, ok?"

Olivia nodded and then for some strange reason she started telling Alex about Penny and how aggressive she'd been and how that had shocked her.

Alex smiled at her. "Let's face it Liv, we've been out of the game for a while."

With a bit of resignation she replied, "I guess so."

Both women looked at the other and before they knew it they were moving toward each other. Their lips met tentatively at first and then more aggressively until Alex had pulled Olivia on top of her and they were fumbling with buttons and zippers.

The brunette had just slid into Alex with two fingers when there was a knock on her door.

"Alex? Your food is here."

Olivia stalled and Alex turned her head toward the door.

"We're in the middle of something Cindy. Just take it to the break room and we'll get it shortly!" She looked back at Olivia and bit her bottom lip. "Don't stop."

XXXXXXXXXX

They had hurriedly made love on Alex's couch and were now eating their salads. As usual, they hadn't spoken a single word about what had just happened between them.

"So you must really like Janice?"

"She's ok. But I don't see it as long term." I don't see anybody but you in my future even if we're not together.

"Yeah, I feel the same about Penny. She's nice and pretty, but…" She's not you. Again Olivia was hit between the eyes at the thought.

Alex smiled at her. "I know." She took a bite of food and then asked about Teegan's nightmare. They spent the rest of the lunch discussing their daughter and after it was over they said good-bye.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia strolled back into the bull pen and caught Elliot looking at her.

"What?"

He looked around and then raised his eyebrows. "You haven't looked this relaxed and happy in months. What gives? You and the new girlfriend have a nooner?"

She rolled her eyes. "First, Penny is not my girlfriend; second, I had lunch with Alex to discuss some things."

Elliot glanced at Munch who just shook his head. "Things?" He laughed. "Yeah me and Kathy used to call it that before we got back together." He smiled again. "Best damn things we ever discussed!"

Olivia scowled. "Elliot! For your information we were discussing Teegan. She had a nightmare Saturday night." She ignored him and sat down, but her mind kept needling her that he was right about 'discussing' things with Alex. And it was always good when they did discuss things.

She picked up her desk phone and dialed Penny. She set up a date with the woman and let her know that she didn't have Teegan that night. She hoped the woman could read between the lines.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mid town

Alex Cabot looked around her office, refusing to let her eyes linger on the couch. A couch she had begged, borrowed and stolen to bring with her when she left the DA's office for private practice as chief counsel to Cabot Industries, now run by her cousin Matt. It was the couch she and Olivia had made love on several times, including the day they found out that the fifth round of artificial insemination had taken and they would soon be mother's.

Feeling suddenly depressed, she picked up the phone and called Serena.

As soon as her friend answered, she blurted out, "We had sex on my couch in the office."

"You and Janice?"

When Alex didn't answer Serena swore and then chided her friend, "Alex! I thought you weren't going to do that any more?"

"I wasn't. But then I did."

"Why?"

Because I still love her even though she broke it off with me. Because she's the only women I will ever love and I want my life back. Our life. "It just happened."

"Nothing with you ever just happens Alex."

"I need to move on Serena. Would you mind to come and stay with Teegan tonight so I can go stay with Janice? Liv and I agreed no sleepovers with Teegan in the house until the relationship reached a serious level."

"Sure. What time do you want me to come by?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia Benson's House

Penny had just orgasmed for the third time and Olivia was slightly pleased with her ability to bring the other woman over the edge. She and Alex had been each other's only female lovers and while Alex never had any complaints, Olivia always wondered if she could ever please another woman. Now she knew.

Penny was trying to get her onto her back and finally Olivia complied. The woman with hair the color of wheat began trying to make love to her and as Olivia lay there, she began to think about Alex and how she always knew just where and how to touch her. Penny's technique was certainly different from Alex's and the woman didn't seem to understand that Olivia needed her to find a place and stick to it, not bounce around like a pinball.

While she'd been doing Penny, her entire thought process was on trying to please another woman. She was focused on her own technique and not on the fact that the woman beneath her was not Alex. Now that she was on the receiving end, guilt settled in on her and she finally mustered a slight orgasm as she thought about what had happened earlier in Alex's office.

Penny snuggled into her and sighed.

"I knew you'd be fanfuckingtastic!"

Olivia chuckled and didn't answer. She held the woman until her breathing evened out and Olivia knew she was asleep. As quickly and easily as possible she turned onto her side, away from Penny. And then she let tears fall from her eyes. She had never cried over her break-up with Alex and was unsettled by her tears. She pulled the covers more firmly around her and tried to sleep.

Janice's house

Alex was currently on her back with Janice's tongue buried deep inside her. Her eyes were shut tight and she was really trying to enjoy what was happening to her body, but thoughts of Olivia and how she was so much better than Janice kept flooding her mind.

She'd driven over to the woman's house earlier and as soon as Janice opened the door she'd attacked her with a deep kiss and once inside she'd backed the woman up against the nearest wall and pleasured her.

They'd finally moved into the bedroom and now it was Alex's turn. From the first touch she'd been acutely aware that the hands touching her were not Olivia's and this frustrated her. And Janice had kept asking her questions, things Alex knew Olivia would have known.

Finally she thought back to being in Olivia's arms earlier that day and she managed to orgasm. Janice had immediately snuggled up to her and placed a possessive arm around Alex's midsection. Alex waited for Janice to fall asleep and then let herself out of the other woman's house. She sat in her car and cried for twenty minutes.

She finally pulled away from Janice's house and on the way home she couldn't resist the urge to do a drive-by at Olivia's. Her heart sank as she saw the unfamiliar car setting in the driveway. Her tears began anew and she sped past the house and on to her own house.

Once inside she quietly moved down the hall and instead of going into her room, she slid into bed with Serena and snuggled up to her old friend. She began crying again and Serena woke up and began stroking her back.

"Oh Alex."

"I love her Serena and she just fell out of love with me. How?"

"I don't know Alex. I don't know."


	4. Chapter 4

1 Month Later

Alex slipped out from under Janice's arm and was just putting her panties on when the other woman's voice startled her.

"I thought Teegan was at Olivia's?"

Alex looked over her shoulder. "She is. Why?"

"Well, I thought you might actually stay the whole night for once!"

Alex fastened her bra and turned to face Janice. "Janice…I've explained this to you. I'm just…." Still hung-up on Olivia.

Janice sighed and got out of bed. She wrapped Alex up from behind and nuzzled her neck.

"Lex…"

"Alex. Call me Alex or Alexandra Janice. Not Lex."

"Alex, I thought we were moving forward, in the same direction, on the same page, all of that. You know." She kissed the blonde's neck. "I really, really like. I'd like to start building on something with you. Something more…permanent."

Alex wheeled around and looked at the woman she'd been occasionally sleeping with and dating for the last two months.

"Wh-What do you mean?"

Janice swallowed hard and looked around before meeting Alex's eyes.

"I mean I'd like to maybe discuss moving in together? Eventually getting married."

Alex's eyes went wide as everything Janice was saying hit her. Her instinct to take flight hit and she quickly finished dressing and kissed Janice on the cheek.

"We'll talk about this later today, ok?"

Once inside the safety of her car she took several deep, cleansing breaths before hurrying out of the driveway. She made it home in record time and spent the rest of the night pacing back and forth in her kitchen wondering just what she was supposed to do.

As daybreak approached she was finally wound down enough to crawl into bed and try to sleep. She'd been asleep for what felt like only a few minutes but in reality had been four hours. The ringing of her phone woke her and she rolled over and fumbled with the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Alex? Are you ok?"

Hearing Olivia's voice on the other end of the line she managed to get her bearings and glance at the clock. She groaned as she realized it was past 10am and that she was supposed to be at Teegan's softball game.

"I'm sorry Liv. I overslept. Tell Teeg I'll be there as soon as I can."

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex arrived by the 3rd inning and waved to her daughter who was playing first base, and Serena who was the coach. Olivia looked her over and raised her eyebrows.

"Long night?"

"You don't know the half of it." Alex looked around to make sure nobody was within ear shot. "Janice started talking about being on the same page, making things more permanent, even…marriage."

Olivia, who had been leaning back against the bleachers, struggled to sit up.

"What? What do you mean marriage?"

Alex looked just as pained as Olivia. "Yeah, I know."

"Are you…do you…wow." Olivia swallowed hard as she considered what the implications of Alex moving on really meant. "I didn't think you guys had gotten so serious."

Alex shrugged. "I didn't either. You'd think the fact that I won't spend the whole night with her might be a clue to her!"

Olivia inwardly felt joy at Alex's admission but outwardly she tried to go for comforting. She covered her ex's hand with her own and gave her a sympathetic look.

"You'll figure it out Alex. And you won't do anything you don't want to do."

Alex smiled at Olivia and was about to say something when she heard Olivia's name being called. They both turned and saw Penny making her way up the bleachers toward them. Alex and Penny had met a few weeks ago and even though she'd never admit it, Teegan was right about the woman's hair.

"Penny! Hey, thanks for coming."

Penny shrugged. "No problem Liv. Anything that might help me get into the good graces of Teegan."

All three women smiled and on the field Teegan had been watching her mother's. When she saw ol' wheat Penny approach she felt her anger boil up.

XXXXXXXX

After the game Olivia had asked Alex if she could take Teegan out for pizza with Penny. Alex hadn't wanted to let their daughter go, but she found herself agreeing and asking Teegan if she wanted to spend the rest of the day and another night Olivia. At first the girl had started to balk, but then realizing it meant Penny couldn't stay with Olivia if she was there, she happily agreed.

Alex kissed Teegan goodbye and pulled out her cell phone to call Janice. She invited herself over to the other woman's house for later that day and she told Janice she had a surprise for her.

She quickly called out to Serena who had been watching them from afar. The other blonde came over to her and Alex told her what she was planning. Serena gave her a long look and finally nodded her head.

"I think it's wise Alex and well past time." She looked in the direction of Olivia's disappearing car and shook her head. "Of all the couples I know, I always thought you two would be together until the end."

Alex's face fell and she nodded. Screwing up her courage, she managed a smile and shooed Serena on her way. She went home and began to get ready for her night with Janice.

XXXXXXXXXX

Janice's House

Alex had arrived on Janice's doorstep carrying a small overnight bag. At the brunette's raised eye brow she shrugged and replied, "I can't promise I'll be here in the morning, but I am going to try."

Janice had smiled at her and ushered her in, eagerly taking the bag from her.

They spent the afternoon watching movies, cuddled together on the couch. As night approached, Janice ordered a pizza and Alex put brownies in to bake. They ate and talked about anything and nothing.

Alex grew nervous as bed time approached and locked herself inside Janice's bathroom for almost 30 minutes, coming out only after Janice half jokingly threatened to break the door down.

She was wearing a frilly little number she'd swung by the mall and picked up on her way from the softball game. Janice seemed to appreciate the effort and swallowed hard as Alex pressed her body against her.

Alex pulled her head down and whispered something to her. Janice pulled back.

"Are you sure?" Alex nodded. "Ok!"

Janice raced over to the bottom drawer of her dresser and removed the harness and dildo and bottle of lube. She quickly harnessed up and turned to see Alex looking at her with rapt attention.

"Are you sure?"

Alex nodded even though she most definitely was not sure she wanted that thing stuck inside her. But she also knew she needed to start moving on with her life and it was always a good idea to try new things. Right?

Janice was excited at the prospect of being the first to use a strap-on on Alex and began kissing on her and undressing her. She lay the blonde down on the bed and was patient with her as she fidgeted beneath her.

After a rather intense and long make-out session, she reached for the bottle of lube and coated both her tool and Alex's opening. Looking down in blue eyes she whispered, "Are you ready?"

Alex nodded and tried to be in the moment.

She slowly eased into Alex who felt herself tighten against the intrusion before finally relaxing. She watched as Janice moved above her, head thrown back and eyes shut. She began to move counter to the brunette and found that it was actually almost pleasurable.

He continued to watch as Janice's orgasm began to build and was surprised when the woman reached between them and flicked her clit, bringing her over the edge. Janice's back went rigid and she grunted before collapsing on top of Alex.

Alex held her and stroked her back and tensed up as Janice whispered to her.

"What did you say?"

"I said I love you Alex." She pulled back and looked down at the blonde. "I don't expect you to say it back, but I just want you to know that I do love you."

Alex gave her a small smile. "I know you." She then pulled her head down for a kiss. "How'd you manage to orgasm?"

Janice laughed. "It's a special kind of dildo with a piece that fits inside me with a mini-vibe." She eased out of Alex and tossed the rig to the side.

Alex got out of bed and went to use the bathroom. When she came back she crawled in next to Janice and allowed the woman to hold her. After a long time of thinking about her life with Olivia and the direction her life seemed to be going, she finally fell asleep with only the faintest of tear tracks on her cheeks.

XXXXXXXXXX

Benson House

Teegan had crashed around 10:30 and Penny had slipped back in even though Olivia had told her it was against the rules. She finally talked Olivia into joining her in the back seat of the sedan in the garage, arguing it technically wasn't inside the house.

Olivia relented and now found herself face down with her ass in the air in the back of her own car. She thought Penny was going to finger fuck her but jumped when she felt the woman's tongue circling her anus.

"What the fuck?" She tried to move her head but Penny had cuffed her in an awkward position and all she could do was hold on as the tongue slipped inside her ass. Shortly she began to feel intense pleasure and as soon as Penny slid a finger into her pussy, she came hard. "Oh fuuuuuuck."

"I think I just did baby. Now, my turn."


	5. Chapter 5

**Anonymous review's will be deleted. If you have something to say about a story, good or bad, man-up and use your name. And to the person who asked what I was smoking when I wrote about a lesbian wanting to move-in and get married after 2 months of dating? Honey, you obviously don't know lesbians. **

"Come on Alex...just try it. Please?"

Alex squirmed an shook her head. "No Janice. Absolutely not."

Janice smirked at her. "That's also what you said about my tool. You'll give in."

Alex frowned. "There's a big difference in a strap-on and a butt plug."

Janice leaned in and kissed Alex. "I'm glad you stayed the night. And I'm really glad we played hooky from work today. Let's go shower."

Alex hesitated. It was only the third time Alex had spent the night and they had never showered together. The only person Alex had ever showered with was Olivia. She reminded herself that she was in to trying new things. Just not new things that went up her butt.

She followed Janice into the shower and found herself enjoying Janice. She allowed the brunette to wash her and they took turns cleaning each other and then she felt Janice's hand and loofah sponge stroking between her legs. She collapsed against her lover and moaned as she was stroked to completion.

She dropped to her knees and using her mouth she brought Janice over the edge. They once again washed each other and then turned the water off.

Alex was combing her hair when Janice popped in behind her and kissed her shoulder.

"You are gorgeous baby."

Alex shivered at the term of endearment that Olivia used to call her. Janice misinterpreted it and moved in closer to her and cupped her breasts from behind. Alex could feel her pubic hair on her ass cheeks and she shifted away.

"That tickles."

Janice smiled at her and left the bathroom. Alex came out with a brush in her hand and found Janice messing with her cell phone.

"What are you doing?"

Janice held the phone out to her. "I was just turning it back on."

"Back on?" Alex hit the power button and glared at Janice as the phone chirped, letting her know she had at least a message. She hit the voice mail button and listened as there was a series of messages from Olivia.

As she hit the speed dial for Olivia, she admonished Janice.

"Janice, please don't ever turn my cell phone off again. I have a child, who apparently has been trying to get in touch with me."

"I just didn't want your office calling and interrupting us."

Olivia answered just as she was about to launch into Janice.

"Liv, what's wrong with Teegan?" She was dressing as she listened.

"She got sick at school. The school tried to get you first at work, but they said you were out today? And then they tried your cell phone. They left a message. And they left a message here at the house. Where are you?"

"I'm on my way. Does she need anything?"

"No. I gave her some ginger ale for her stomach. She's asleep right now."

Alex shot Janice a look and hurried out of the house. She sped all the way to her house and hurried through the door. She stopped short at the sight of Olivia cooking in the kitchen and suddenly felt very guilty.

"I'm here."

Olivia turned and was surprised to see Alex with a wet head. She looked her ex over and things began to fall into place. Her gut tightened and she felt her anger flare-up.

"Let me guess, you were with Janice? You were off screwing around with her while our daughter was sick?"

Alex stiffened. "Yes, I spent last night with Janice. You had Teegan so I was free. Janice and I both took the day off to spend some time together. She turned my phone off so we wouldn't be disturbed. That won't happen again. I stressed to her that I have a child and that turning my phone off is not an option. I'm sorry."

Alex turned and went down the hall to check on her daughter. She slowly opened the door and went over to feel Teegan's head. She was relieved there wasn't a fever. Teegan began to stir and smiled when she saw her blonde mother.

"Come here baby." Alex hugged her daughter and held her. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you."

"It's ok Mommy."

Olivia opened the door and had a tray containing a grilled cheese and glass of ginger ale.

"Hey Teeg. Feel like eating?" The girl nodded and scooted up in bed. "I made your favorite."

"Thanks Mommy." She looked between her two mothers. "Will you guys sit with me while I eat?"

They smiled and settled in on either side of her. They avoided looking at each other and kept all of their attention on Teegan. When she'd finished she settled back into bed and drifted back to sleep. Both women exited the room and moved back toward the kitchen.

Olivia began fixing another grilled cheese and asked Alex to get the butter out of the fridge for her. Silently they worked together and ended up sitting at the table to eat.

"I shouldn't have said what I did Alex. I'm sorry."

"It won't happen again."

"So, I guess things are getting serious between you two, huh?"

Alex shrugged, not wanting to get into that question.

"She's a very nice woman." She's just not you.

"So's Penny." She's just not you.

They sat in silence for a while before Olivia casually asked Alex about her new sex life.

"What?"

"I don't mean the juicy details Alex. I'm just...well, Penny made a comment and I just kinda wanted to

ask you. Ok?"

"I'm not going to compare notes Olivia!"

"No, of course not! I just wanted to know if the entire time we were together, if you ever felt like our lovemaking was...lacking?"

"No!" Did you? She looked at Olivia and couldn't help but ask, "Why?"

Olivia blushed. "Penny said I was sort of vanilla."

Alex's anger flared. "What the hell does she know? You are an incredible lover Olivia." Bitch.

"So I never left you wanting?"

Alex looked away and felt the tears threaten. She looked back at Olivia and simply shook her head.

"Thanks Alex. It means a lot."

"What...what about me? Did I ever not please you?"

Olivia smiled. "You always gave me what I wanted and needed." Olivia thought about what she'd just said and shook it off.

Alex was dying to know what had prompted Penny to say that to Olivia but she resisted the urge to ask. Olivia however needed to talk to somebody and she still considered Alex her best friend.

"She wants me to do things to her Alex. Things you and I never did. She wants me to put things in places...you know?"

Alex smiled as she considered her earlier encounter with Janice.

"Yes, I know."

Olivia hedged. "Janice?"

Alex nodded and abruptly changed the subject, leaving Olivia to wonder just what Janice wanted to put into Alex. Besides a strap-on.

"I think Teeg needs to get a physical Liv. This is the third time in the last month she's gotten sick at school. I'm going to call and make an appointment."

Olivia nodded. "Schools out in two weeks so maybe that will help. Get her away from all those germs."

They shared a smile. Alex got up and held her hand out to Olivia. They went into the living room and settled on the couch. Neither wanted their time together to end, but it didn't occur to them that they were stalling.

"So..." They both started at the same time and then laughed. As the laughter died down,Olivia' s face grew more serious and she looked at Alex for the first time in a long time. Before she could stop herself she captured Alex's lips and soon they were making out on the couch. Olivia lay her back on the couch, their couch and soon her hand found it's way to Alex's center.

She began to stroke and move against Alex and urged the blonde to touch her. She began to whisper things to her ex that she hadn't uttered in a very long time without realizing it. She smiled as Alex arched against her and swallowed her moans with a deep kiss.

Alex began stroking Olivia harder and harder and held her ex to her with one arm and continued stroking her with the other. She felt pride as she watched Olivia's head fall back, exposing her throat. She sank her teeth into the exposed skin. Olivia's eyes flew open and she fell over the edge, collapsing against Alex.

"I love you" died on both women's lips. They lay entwined, breathing hard. Peeping around the corner was Teegan Cabot-Benson. She smiled as she eased back down the hall and crawled in under the sheets.

As their bodies cooled, Alex realized exactly just what had happened and guilt washed over her. She began to push Olivia.

"Liv...Olivia, you should go."

"Alex..."

"Liv, please. Go."

The brunette nodded and hurried out of the house, their house, and got into her car. As she pulled away from the curb she thought about what had just happened and how right it had felt. And how good it was. She shook her head and headed for the nearest bar.

As she sat on the bar stool she saw herself in the mirror and noticed the red mark on her neck.

"Damn!"

"I'm guessing Penny wasn't the one to bestow that little souvenir to you judging by your reaction to seeing it?"

She turned to see John Munch looking over his glasses at her.

"Shut-up John."

"Ah, so it was the lovely Ms. Cabot."

"Leave it alone John."

"So, when does the new sports car arrive?"

"What?"

"You've got all the classic symptoms of a mid-life crisis. You left your gorgeous girlfriend and child..."

"Hey! I did not leave my daughter. I did not abandon my daughter. I would not do that!"

Munch raised his eye brow and continued on. "You moved out after you "fell out of love" with the woman you lived with and loved for over 14 years. You've been wearing new, tight jeans to work and you've spent more time in bars the last year than the last decade." He shrugged.

"Did it occur to you that my life has totally changed because I some how managed to wake up not in love with Alex one day?" She shook her head in disgust. "How does that happen?" With tears in her eyes she turned to face him and asked again, "How does that happen?"

Seeing that she was in pain, Munch relented and hugged her while she cried.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Alex lay on the couch and cried as she thought about what she had done. She finally picked up the phone and called Serena.

"I slept with her on my couch."

"Janice? You finally let her come over and do you in your own house? Alex, that's great!"

Alex sniffed. "Not Janice."

Serena groaned. "Oh Alex, why do you do this to yourself?"

"I can't help it. I love her and I just want her to love me back."

"Tell me what happened."


	6. Chapter 6

Olivia had managed to avoid Penny for three days as the mark on her neck had had moved from red to slightly bruised and was now trying to fade, albeit not successfully. With a lot of cover-up she could hide it and she had just finished putting it on when her doorbell rang. Thinking it was Teegan she opened the door without looking and saw Penny standing before her.

"Penny…hi." She absently rubbed at the newly covered spot on her neck.

"Liv? Is everything ok? You haven't been returning my calls. Is Teegan ok?"

Olivia nodded, stalling for time. "Yes, she is, she's with Alex. Uh, Penny, we need to talk."

The woman looked at her suspiciously and then entered the house. They sat down on Olivia's couch and she waited for the brunette to speak.

"Penny…I did something and…I did something." Her face contorted.

Penny smirked. "Let me guess, you slept with Alex and now you feel guilty?"

Olivia frantically nodded and started trying to apologize.

"Liv, calm down. Look, I enjoy spending time with you and I certainly enjoy what we do sexually, but it's not like we committed to each other, put a ring on our fingers or even consider each other our girlfriend or partner." She smiled and shrugged.

"But I…cheated."

"Olivia, we go out, we fuck. Yes I enjoy spending time with you and I like Teegan, but I'm not really looking for anything serious or even permanent at this point. That may change and if it does, I'll let you know. But for now, let's just keep having fun together. Don't feel guilty." She leaned over and kissed the brunette. "But Olivia, if you go anywhere else but Alex, be careful and practice safe sex, ok?"

Olivia was trying to wrap her head around what Penny had just said when the wheat blonde stood up and held her hand out. Olivia looked at her questioningly.

"I want to be fucked by you. Now."

Still shocked by her response, Olivia numbly followed Penny into the bedroom. The wheat blonde became far more aggressive than she'd been in any of their other encounters and pushed Olivia down on the bed. She quickly stripped them both and before Olivia knew what was happening, Penny was thrusting into her. And soon she had a matching mark on the other side of her neck.

As they lay together, Olivia trying to catch her breath, she finally looked up at Penny.

"God."

Penny smiled at her and ran her finger down between Olivia's breasts. She stopped just above the navel and smiled at her lover.

"Glad you liked it."

"That...that was different." She turned on her side. "But I liked it. A lot."

Penny tilted her head. "Olivia? Aside from me and Alex, how many women have you been with?"

Olivia felt her face blush. "Uhm...well, really just uh, you and Alex." She swallowed hard.

"That's really late to come out."

Olivia shrugged. "I dated and slept with my fair share of men, but I always knew I was attracted to women. Just never figured there was any point to act on it. I'd never met a woman who interested me enough until Alex."

"And Alex? She was a lesbian?"

"Alex? No. I mean, I think she was just like me, but early in her career she made a choice to have a political future so she never acted on it until me." Olivia shrugged and her face grew somber. "Then there was a case we worked on. She took on a drug lord and got shot for her efforts. She ended up in witness protection for a time."

"So you were together then?"

Olivia shook her head. "No, but we were both beyond the friendship line even if we never admitted it to ourselves. Those were two long, lonely years. As soon as she came back we admitted how we felt and then for the next 14 years we were happy."

"And then?"

Wanting to avoid the subject, Olivia gave her a small smile. "So you really don't mind that I slept with her?"

"No. You have history, your child was sick." She shrugged. "Now, if we were in a committed relationship. ..that's a different story." She leaned over and kissed Olivia.

"What did you mean when you said if I went somewhere other than you or Alex? What did that mean?"

"I just assumed you were a seasoned lesbian. Had done a little time on the circuit and might want to go back to that."

"Cruising? You think I'd want to cruise?"

"All I'm saying is that you are a damn fine looking woman and there's a lot of lesbians out there who would give you whatever you wanted." She smiled at the look on Olivia's face. "You have no idea just how hot you are, do you?" She began rubbing her hands all over the brunette's body. "You should give it a try. Just be careful."

"And...you wouldn't mind?"

"No, not really, as long as you use dental dams."

"We haven't used them."

"You were in a committed relationship for the last decade and a half and I've been single and clean for over a year. No real reason to." She dipped a finger into Olivia. "I'll even go with you if you want."

Olivia didn't have time to process what Penny had said as the woman was now sliding in and out of her more forcefully.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Teegan was in her room, iPod in her ears, blissfully unaware that her blonde mother was in the kitchen having a some what heated discussion with Serena Southerlyn.

"I can't help it Serena! I still love her. I'm not the one who woke up one day having fallen out of love with my...partner I guess, of 14 years."

"And continuing to let her just waltz in here and fuck you whenever she wants helps you how?"

Alex wiped at her tears. "It...it doesn't really." She looked down. "Except that I still get to have her in a tiny way."

"And you're ok with that?" Her tone was gentle and she placed a hand on Alex's back.

Alex shrugged and finally looked back up at her friend. "I don't think I'll ever be ok again Serena. Not like I was a year ago before all of this."

Serena shut her eyes and sighed. "You'd take her back, wouldn't you?"

Without saying anything she gave a slight nod and then got up and busied herself with wiping down the kitchen counter. Serena watched her for a few minutes before shegot up and went over to her friend and stopped her scrubbing.

"Alex?" When the blonde looked at her she continued. "Do you remember what your mother taught you as a young girl?"

"About what?"

"Sex. How you don't buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?"

"What does that have to do with Olivia?"

"As long as you let her get what she wants when she wants it, she has no motivation to come home. And ultimately that's what you want, right?"

"She's not coming back Serena. I need to move on and you're right, I need to stop letting her fuck me at her leisure." She gave her friend a hug. "I need to check on Teegan. I got her a doctor's appointment."

XXXXXXXXXXX

2 Days Later

Olivia and Penny were at a lesbian bar. Penny had helped her get ready, assuring her she could pick up just about any woman she wanted. Olivia was unsure about that assertion and was nervous about the entire night and what might lay ahead. Besides, Teegan had a doctor's appointment the next morning and she was a little nervous about that as well.

2 Hours Later

Olivia was three beers into the night and getting used to the entire bar scene. She and Alex had rarely gone out to lesbian bars so her frame of reference was decidedly small. She was feeling pretty good and had just leaned in to kiss Penny when she felt a hand on her back. Turning she saw an exotic looking younger woman. She had black hair and slightly almond shaped green eyes. Her skin had an olive undertone and her breasts were large and firm looking.

"Hello. I'm Sierra." She held her hand out and Olivia shook it. She looked over at Penny who just smiled at her. "Buy me a drink?"

Penny smiled and got up. "She'd love to. I see somebody I know. You two have fun."

An hour later Olivia was being led to a private room in the bar. When she followed Sierra into the room she was surprised to find several different pieces of very specific furniture and others in various states of undress.

"Uh...what?"

Sierra laughed. "It's a sex club Olivia. Haven't you ever been to one?"

"Only as part of an investigation. I'm a cop."

Sierra still smiled. "No money has changed hand and everybody here is of age. Relax." She leaned in and began kissing the brunette.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Next Morning

Olivia rolled over and felt the pounding in her head. She slammed her eyes shut again and blindly reached for her alarm clock. Fumbling with it she cracked her eyelid and saw that it was just after 10 am. She groaned as she realized not only had she over slept, she was late for Teegan's doctor's appointment. Swearing she stumbled out of bed and hurried into the shower. When she came back out she saw a note Penny had left for her on the pillow next to hers.

Olivia

Last night you were incredible. Beyond fanfuckingtastic.

Let me know what's up with Teegan.

Penny

Images rushed through her mind of a back room, Sierra and sex and then letting Penny drive her home. And she recalled how her and the wheat blonde had fucked a few times and that it had been incredible. She thought about the previous night and how exhilarating it had been and how scandalous it had seemed.

She hurried into the doctor's office and swore when she didn't see Alex and Teegan. She went to the receptionist and was told that Alex was in the doctor's office and that a nurse had taken Teegan down to the hospital cafeteria.

Her heart rate doubled and she followed the hallway back to the doctor's office. She opened the door and found Alex pacing in the doctor's office.

"Alex?"

Alex slowly turned to face Olivia and couldn't help but notice a faint mark on the opposite side of her neck from the one she'd given the brunette.

"Glad you could make it."

"Sorry. I...what's going on?"

"The doctor wanted to see both of us. Somethings wrong with Teegan."


	7. Chapter 7

Olivia felt her heart race as she went over to Alex and tried to hold the woman. Alex stepped back and gave Olivia a slight shake of the head. The brunette swallowed hard and let her arms fall to her sides.

"What's going on?"

Alex shrugged. "Dr. Chesney just said she wanted to see us and that her nurse had taken Teegan down to get some ice cream."

Olivia fell into the chair across from the doctor's desk. "Ice cream? That can't be good."

Alex took the other chair next to Olivia. "No, I don't imagine it is."

They lapsed into silence and were each in their own world when the doctor came into the office. She smiled at them both and took a seat at her desk.

"What's wrong with Teegan?" They said in unison.

The doctor smiled at them both. "Physically she's fine. Emotionally though I think she's having some problems. Teegan tells me you two recently started seeing new people?" Both women nodded. "At the same time?"

Olivia answered. "More or less, but we've been careful to include her and we don't have overnight guests if she's in the house." She looked at Alex for confirmation who nodded. "Why?"

"In talking with Teegan, it's quite clear she's not at all happy about either of the women you are each seeing. The various illnesses she's had recently, have they cropped up suddenly and has she reverted to childlike behavior? Wanted both of you with her?"

Alex and Olivia looked at each other.

"She...she has." Alex looked at Olivia who finally nodded. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying ladies, your daughter is playing you. It's normal after a...divorce, so to speak, for a child to feel left out, afraid and resentful of anyone new who enters the picture."

Alex shook her head, trying to wrap her head around what was being said.

"What do we do?"

"Nothing. Don't let her know you know what she is doing, but don't be a push over either. And just reassure her that you both love her and that she is always going to be taken care of." She shrugged. "She'll eventually get over it."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex, Teegan and Olivia were having lunch when Olivia's phone rang. She didn't recognize the number and thinking it might be work related, she answered.

"Benson."

"Olivia, it's Sierra. I just wanted to call and thank you for last night."

Olivia's eyes went wide and she got up and moved away from the table. Nervously looking back at Alex and her daughter, she finally answered.

"Hey. Uh, how'd you get my number? I don't remember giving it to you."

"I called Penny and got it from her. We go back a ways."

"Oh." Turning her back completely to Alex and Teegan she smiled. "So...you enjoyed last night? So did I."

Sierra let out a throaty laugh. "Good because I'm having a selective, private party tomorrow night and you and Penny are invited. It's at a private facility and it's safe play, so don't worry about bringing your own dams or toys and accessories. Penny has all the details. Oh, and I'll be at the club tonight if you want to come. Alone."

"Uh..uhm..well, uh...I gotta go."

She quickly hung-up and hurried back to the table where she noticed Alex was watching her.

"Everything ok Liv?"

"What? Oh that. Yeah. Yeah, just work." She smiled at Teegan. "So kiddo, how about we go to the sports complex this weekend and check out the new batting cages?"

Teegan smiled at Olivia. "Just you and me?" Olivia nodded. "Cool! Can I please have some money for the arcade?" Both Alex and Olivia dug in their pockets and handed her a couple of dollars worth of quarters.

They watched her go and then turned back to each other.

"We should have seen this Liv."

Olivia shrugged. "She's a good kid Alex. We didn't have any reason to doubt her. We'll get through this." She held Alex's gaze for a moment before looking toward their daughter.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Janice wants me to go away with her this weekend, but now I don't know. I don't want to set Teegan off. What do you think?"

Olivia thought that she didn't want Alex going away with Janice. Going away indicated something more serious than just dating or sleeping together. The little voice that kept whispering to her that it wasn't her concern was rudely told to shove it by her mind.

"When were you going to tell me you were going away?"

Alex stiffened. "I'm telling you now. Where I go and who I go away with is none of your concern."

Olivia leveled her gaze at Alex. "We have a daughter together Alex. What if something happens to her or you while you are away?"

"I don't have all the details. Janice says it's a surprise." She shrugged. "Do you think I should go?"

Olivia wanted to tell her no. She didn't want to think about Alex and Janice having sex in some hotel room outside the city.

"Yes, I think you should go if you want to." She smiled at her former lover. Inside she felt unsettled and at wits end.

Alex bit back disappointment that Olivia hadn't seemed upset or phased that she was going away with Janice.

"Ok. Thanks and I'll let you know how to reach me if you need to. Well, I should get her to school. Finals are coming up."

Olivia stood and called for Teegan.

"Liv, be sure and drink plenty of water for your hangover."

"How'd you know..."

"I lived with you for 14 years. I know you and I know what you, hung over, looks like."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia decided to skip the rest of the work day and went back to her house. As soon as school was out she called Penny to talk to her about Teegan. She also wanted to talk to her about the party Sierra was giving.

Still tired from her activities she stretched out on the bed and began to think about what had happened the night before. The private room was dark, but she could tell there were several couples in various states of undress and sexual activities. The air was thick and pungent with the smell of sex. Ad then Sierra had lay down on a round table and offered herself to Olivia.

The brunette had stood stunned for a few minutes before Sierra had risen up, plucked a dental dam seeming out of thin air and handed it to Olivia.

Unlike Alex and Penny, Sierra was waxed hairless. Olivia sank to her knees, spread out the dam and began pleasuring Sierra. She had expected the dental dam to taste like rubber, but instead was met with a spearmint flavor.

After bringing Sierra to orgasm, she was surprised when the exotic woman flipped over and offered her ass to Olivia. Remembering what Penny had done for her, she took the dental dam and began rimming he woman beneath her.

The evening had ended with Olivia flat of her back on the same round table being pleasured by Sierra and coming harder than she had in a long time.

As she recalled the night she became turned on and began to stroke herself. She'd just finished when her cell rang and Penny's number popped up.

"I was just thinking about you in the best possible way."

"Really? Would it have anything to do with last night?"

"You know it. Speaking of which, Sierra called me today. Are we going to the party?"

Penny giggled. ""I'm game if you are. Are you going to the club tonight?"

"Uh...do you mind?"

"Olivia, you are free to go wherever you want, whenever you want. Now, how's Teegan?"

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex, Janice and Teegan were playing a game of Old Maid that night. Teegan had managed to be civil and as soon she won the game, she asked to be excused. Alex watched her go and then motioned for Janice to follow her into the kitchen.

She told Janice about the doctor's visit.

"Alex, you can't let a 12 year old dictate your life. Our life." She took the blonde's hand and stroked it. "You know how I feel about you. What I eventually want with you."

Alex swallowed hard and nodded. "I'll go away with you and I want you to stay after I put Teegan to bed. I mean, you can't stay the whole night, but I've been neglecting you and your needs and I can do something about that. If it's ok?"

Janice smiled at her and leaned in and kissed her. They were mid throat culture when Teegan appeared in the door and cleared her throat.

"Mom, I'm ready to be tucked in." She glared at Janice.

They broke their kiss and Alex left Janice to go tuck in her daughter.

"Teegan, I need for you to understand that I really, really like Janice and your OM really, really likes Penny, ok?"

"Mom..."

"Teegan." Alex's voice was stern. "I love you. We both love you Teegan, but things have changed between your mom and I. She's moved on and I'm trying. But we love you no matter what, ok?"

Teegan looked away and nodded. She turned on her side away from Alex and mumbled goodnight.

Alex left the room and went back to the kitchen where she found Janice. She held her hand out to the woman and led her back into the living room. They sat down on the couch and began kissing. They stayed that way for a long time until Alex knew Teegan was asleep. Then she stood up and again held her hand out to Janice. She then led the woman down the hall once again to the extra bedroom.

She gently pushed the woman down on the bed and began pleasuring her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bathroom in the sex club

Olivia was just about to leave the bathroom where she'd relieved herself after a session in the private room with Sierra, when a short red head caught her eye. They exchanged looks in the mirror and Olivia was unsure of what to do, but the decision was soon taken out of her hands.

"You're fresh meat and I definitely want a taste."

"Huh?"

She walked over to Olivia and touched her waist. "I saw you with Sierra last night and again tonight. And I want you. Let's go."

As they left the bathroom and went through the door to the private room. Sierra was just coming out. She stopped them and kissed Olivia before waving bye. Sitting at the bar was Serena Southerlyn. Her eyes narrowed as she watched the brunette disappear into the sex room. She also tracked Sierra's movements until she realized who it was. She knew Sierra from the circuit.

She moved over to the bartender and asked about the "hot brunette" she'd just seen Sierra kiss.

"Penny brought her in last night. From what I hear she spent 14 years with one woman and is new to the scene. I say better late than never. And apparently she can fuck. Do you want me to introduce you?"

Serena shook her head. "No, thanks. She looks kinda butchy and you know that's not what I like."

Seething, she got up and left the bar unsure if she should tell Alex or not.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Later that night

Alex had kissed Janice good bye after they'd had sex in the spare room. She knew the brunette had taken their coupling to mean something had changed in the relationship and she couldn't help but think that maybe it had. She wiped at a lone tear she wasn't sure why she was shedding. And she wondered why she was still sleeping on just her side of the bed.

Olivia had left the bar and drove straight home and stood under a scalding hot shower. As she reflected on the night's events, she felt oddly disconnected and a little bit of shame at what she'd done.

Teegan had silently cried herself to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you for all the reviews. Again, this story was originally posted and currently housed on my mailing list svu_ladies . I have received numerous PM's applauding this story. Thank you for the kind words and actually understanding the purpose of this story. Because of that, I am giving you chapter 8 tonight instead of making you wait. BTW, there are 27 chapters to this story.  
**

Serena was waiting on her best friend Alex Cabot to arrive for their lunch date. She was unsure if she was going to tell her friend about what she'd witnessed. Part of her knew it would devastate Alex and the other part of her thought it might just be what she needed to move on. She had always liked Olivia and couldn't ever imagine Alex and Olivia not together, but after the way Olivia had treated Alex, she was less than thrilled with the brunette.

She smiled as Alex found her and they sat down to lunch.

"I'm going away with Janice this weekend."

Serena smiled at her. "That's great."

Alex looked unsure and managed to nod. She quickly picked up her menu and they ordered. She then told Serena about Teegan and asked her friend for advice.

"I think you did the right thing Alex. She has to understand that right now you and Olivia aren't together and probably won't ever be again."

"I suppose you're right. I just thought that if I gave Olivia enough time she would come back. But I guess out of love is out of love, huh?"

Seeing that her friend was in distress, Serena decided against telling Alex about Olivia.

"I think you are my best friend and you deserve to be happy. If you really want Olivia back, talk to her and see if there's a chance, otherwise, cut bait." And I seriously hope you go with that one.

Alex nodded. "Olivia is keeping Teegan this weekend. I'm dropping her off Saturday morning and they're going to the sports complex to hit balls."

Serena made a mental note to drop by the complex and have a little conversation with Olivia. They finished up lunch and each headed back to their respective offices.

XXXXXXXXX

Olivia opened her front door to find the red head from the night before standing on her front porch. She welcomed her inside, found out her name was Rita (something she'd neglected to get the night before but apparently had given her number to the woman) and led her down the hall to her bedroom.

There she went to her drawer and pulled out a new toy she'd stopped and bought on the way home from work after setting up this 'date' with Rita. She looked unsure of how to work it and smiled sheepishly as Rita helped her into it.

The red head rolled a condom the length of the shaft and murmured something about 'safe play.'

For the next two hours Olivia received an education on how best to please a woman using a strap-on. She was vaguely aware when her mind wondered to using one on Alex. As quickly as that thought came, her next thought was of Janice sliding in and out of her woman. The thought made her angry and she became rougher with Rita, who seemed to prefer that to slow and gentle.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Alex had dropped Teegan off at a friend's house to work on a group project and then driven around thinking about what Serena had said. She still loved Olivia and she didn't care that the brunette had hurt her; they had a child together, a family and a home. She wanted Olivia to come home and they would work through whatever the brunette was going through.

In what she considered her more pathetic moments she even considered allowing Olivia to have an open relationship with Penny. That disgusted and saddened her. And while she would never admit it to anyone but herself, she knew that she was powerless against her feelings for Olivia. She was pretty sure the brunette couldn't hurt her any more than she already had.

Before she realized what she was doing she realized she'd turned down Olivia's street. Taking a deep breath she knew shat she was going to do; ask Olivia to come home and they could work everything else out. If that made her pathetic, then so be it.

As she neared Olivia's house she slowed and realized Olivia was standing on the front porch with someone. It was a redhead and Olivia was wearing a pair of boxers and a t-shirt she recognized as her sleeping attire. As she was registering just what had been going on, Olivia pulled the red head in for a kiss. A deep, digging for gold in your throat kiss.

Alex hit the gas and sped past knowing the brunette hadn't seen her because she was too busy doing a throat culture on a woman not Penny.

Getting home she shut the door behind her and then slid down to the floor and sobbed. She hadn't thought it possible for Olivia to hurt her any more than she already had, but knowing she was sleeping with someone other than Penny had set her off. The thought that she could, apparently, so easily slip in and out of bed with another woman hurt her. And it made her wonder if she'd ever been unfaithful to her.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: This part is completely written but I need to make an author's note for the next section so I chose to post it this way.** **Part B may prove to be controversial, but it's just the way the story went and I hope it rings true. There are a few on the list that I hope I do not offend with this part, but I wrote it as accurately as I knew how.**

"Serena, how could she? It wasn't Penny. She was cheating! And if she cheated on her, did she ever cheat on me?"

Serena looked at her friend and felt a tug on her heart. The blonde had called her crying almost hysterically and through her sobs she'd begged her to come over. Serena had rushed over afraid something had happened to Teegan, but instead she found her friend curled on the sofa. She'd managed to get Alex calmed down enough to call the parents of the friend Teegan was visiting and ask if her daughter could spend the night.

Serena had a choice to make and if her choices were telling Alex the truth about seeing Olivia or letting her think the brunette had cheated on her, she opted on the former.

"Alex...she wasn't cheating on Penny and I would be willing to bet my life she didn't cheat on you. Ever."

"I saw her Serena! I know what I saw and I know who I saw."

"Yes, you did." Serena nodded. "And Alex...Olivia is...well, I saw her last night at Bar Wet."

"Bar Wet? What's that, a lesbian club?"

Serena took a deep breath and colored ever so slightly. "Sort of. It is all lesbian, but it's a bit more than a bar. It's a...sex club."

"Liv was there?" Serena nodded. "What were you doing there?"

Serena cleared her throat. "I do, on occasion, partake in some of the activities that goes on inside the club."

"Serena? You can't be serious? And what was Liv doing there?"

Serena raised her eye brows and held Alex's gaze.

"Oh God. I thought this couldn't get any worse." She got up and turned away from Serena trying to digest what she'd just learned. "Please tell me you're careful Serena? That this...place has some sort of standards?"

"There are standards Alex and personal responsibility."

"And you're sure it was Liv?" She looked hopeful.

"Yeah Alex, it was her and she was going into the back room with a red head. If it makes you feel any better, I checked with the bar tender and she said Liv was new to the scene." She left out the part about her sexual prowse.

Alex swallowed hard and looked at her friend. "And you don't think she ever cheated on me?"

"No Alex. I think she's...sowing her lesbian oats or something."

"I hope she's being careful." Alex stood up and held out her hand. "Stay with me tonight. I need a friend."

Serena silently cursed Olivia as she followed Alex into the bedroom where Alex collapsed onto the bed and Serena climbed in next to her wearing just her t-shirt and panties.

Alex sniffed. "Was I just not enough to her? Does...this club, the things that go on, is it anything way out there? Maybe something she might think I don't feel comfortable with? Penny might not want to do?"

Serena held her friend. "Alex...Penny brought her to the bar. That's how I know it wasn't cheating. In that world Alex, there is no such thing as cheating."

Alex turned so that she was facing Serena. "Show me. Please?"

"Alex?"

"Show me what you do when you go there." She leaned in and kissed Serena. The blonde pulled back and placed her hand in the center of Alex's chest.

Her voice was gentle. "Alex, no."

" Why not?"

Serena smoothed Alex's hair down. "Because we are best friends and you deserve better and so do I, than some curiosity fuck. What Liv is doing, going through, whatever, has nothing to do with you. You are not lacking as a woman. What goes on there isn't that different than the sex you have in a relationship, it's just that everybody is there looking for no strings sex." She leaned in and kissed Alex's forehead.

"Oh God, I just made a pass at you." She quickly turned away from her friend.

Serena snuggled up against her. "I don't think any less of you." Her voice was light and they shared a small laugh.

"We have a daughter Serena. We have a daughter."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia smiled down at the wheat blonde beneath her and eased out of the younger woman.

"Was that ok?"

Penny purred. "Incredible. You must be a fast learner."

"Rita helped."

Penny raised an eye brow and smiled. "Remind me to send her a thank you card."

"You know her?" Olivia was pulling the harness off.

Penny laughed. "Olivia, the swingers lifestyle in the lesbian world is pretty small. After you've been around a while you'll find out you know lots of the same people."

Olivia paused and considered what had just been said. It didn't sit well with her. "Do…you know Rita like that?"

"Rita? No, not like that. Rita and I know some of the same people, 'like that.' Even in this world there is a divide between the butch and the not so butch." She shifted against Olivia. "I'm glad you called after you finished with her."

"Me too." In reality, she wasn't so glad she'd called. She wasn't sure she wanted to be a part of 'this world' as Rita had called it. "Penny…you're a middle school counselor. Aren't you afraid something will happen to you and your reputation?"

"I'm careful. The club is exclusive and the party tomorrow night is very selective. We're all professionals with a lot to lose so that helps."

Olivia considered what she'd just said and thought about her own situation. She shook the thought off and moved down Penny's body intent on forgetting what had just been said.

XXXXXXXXX

Alex was aware when Serena left the next morning but decided to call in sick. She needed to get her bearings where Olivia and Janice were concerned and decide what, if anything, she was going to do.

Stepping into the shower she hung her head in shame at having thrown herself at Serena. She'd never considered going to bed with her best friend before, but her rational mind told her that she'd never been single before either. She'd spent 14 years loving one woman. 16 if you counted the time before she was in witness protection.

"What a fool."

She showered, feeling lower than she had in some time and wondering just how she'd gotten to this place in her life. As she sat having her morning tea, she thought about her coming trip with Janice and made a decision.

"Janice? It's Alex. About our trip…."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Sierra's Party

Penny had helped Olivia dress for the evening and the brunette was a tad apprehensive about coming to the party. Especially after a conversation with John Munch about sex clubs and party's.

As they entered she saw Rita and Sierra and thought both women looked beyond hot. She felt a jolt to her groin and smiled down at Penny who had followed her line of site.

"Olivia, would you like to have the attentions of all three of us tonight?"

Olivia's eyes went wide at the implication and she swallowed hard.

"Like a three-way?"

Penny smiled. "More like a four-way. You game?"

Olivia slowly shook her head. "Penny…I…I don't know about that. I'm not sure. I mean, I've never…you know."

Penny smiled at her and went in the direction of Sierra who was pouring drinks. She had a brief conversation with the raven haired woman and they exchanged a smile. Sierra looked in Olivia's direction and gave a little wave. She handed Penny a drink and the wheat blonde brought it back to Olivia.

"Liquid courage."

Olivia smiled and took a drink of the scotch and water. She took a second bigger drink and felt the liquid slide down her throat. Penny was whispering to her just what Sierra had said and she found herself getting turned on. She began to loosen up and smiled at Penny. She allowed the wheat blonde to lead her over to the other two women.

Rita reached out and touched her arm which sent an electric tingle across her skin. She felt hypersensitive and wetness seeped from her. She found herself nodding yes and being led away from the other party goers and into a smaller, private room which contained a large bed with straps.

As she fell onto the bed she felt woozy and carefree and it vaguely registered that she had been slipped something, but she currently had Sierra undoing her shirt, Rita easing her pants down and Penny kissing her. And it all felt good.

Rita smiled when she realized Olivia had worn her harness. Sierra had freed her breasts and was currently flicking her tongue across the dark nipples, drawing moans from Olivia. Penny was lying on her side rubbing her hand up and down Olivia's body, occasionally leaning in for a kiss.

The next hour was a complete blur of sex and sensation to Olivia. She'd orgasmed multiple times and was pretty sure she'd given a few orgasms herself. She'd never felt the sensations she was currently feeling and smiled as Penny finally collapsed on top of her, Olivia's new toy deep inside her. Sierra and Rita had left the room moments earlier and Penny smiled down at Olivia.

"Well?"

Olivia moved the woman off of her. "You drugged me."

Penny shrugged. "We gave you some encouragement."

Olivia rubbed her head. "What was it? E?" Penny nodded. "You know I'm subject to random drug tests, right? Now I have to tell my captain."

Penny kissed her. "So it wasn't worth it?"

Olivia laughed. "I didn't say that." She got out of bed and began dressing. She rolled her harness up and stuffed it into the duffle bag Penny had brought.

"Go on out there and find something else Olivia. I really don't mind."

"I think I'm good. That was…incredible and probably unbeatable."

Penny smiled and began dressing herself. She stopped Olivia as she was about to leave the room and kissed her long and hard.

"Just keep an open mind."

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex and Teegan were out having pizza as Alex wanted to make sure Teegan knew she was going away with Janice and that everything would be alright.

"I don't like her!"

"Teegan that's not fair. She's really tried with you."

"She's not OM. I want you and OM to get back together and I want you guys to stop all of this. I'm tired of shuffling back and forth between houses and I'm tired of you always being sad. And OM 's sad too."

Alex's head shot up. "She is?" Teegan nodded. "How do you know that? She's dating Penny." Alex left out that which was not appropriate for young ears.

Teegan sighed and rolled her eyes. "She doesn't look at her the way she looks at you. They don't hold hands and get all mushy like you guys used to. And she doesn't cook for her. Ever."

Alex shook her head at the absurdity of taking love advice from her 12 year old daughter.

"Teegan, your mom is…well I don't know what's going on with her but she left me. Ok?"

"Uncle Munch says she's going through a mid-life crisis."

"When did he say that?"

"A couple of weeks ago they had an argument on the phone and I heard him tell her she was one hot bimbo and sports car away from a mid-life crisis."

Alex's eyes narrowed. "How'd you hear that?"

Teegan realized what she'd said and looked down at a slice of pepperoni pizza.

"Teegan. Were you listening in on your mother's phone call?" When the girl didn't answer she pursed her lips. "I'm going to have to tell your mother. We discussed this."

Teegan screwed her face up in anger. "Well by listening I also know she never tells ol' wheat Penny that she loves her!"

Alex secretly rejoiced at the knowledge but kept her face neutral in an attempt to show displeasure at her daughter's actions.

"Teegan, I know this is hard on you, but baby, your mom and I aren't together any more. And I really do like Janice which is why I am going away with her. Sweetie, you have to start getting used to this. Ok?"

Teegan reluctantly nodded wondering why her mother's had to make everything so hard.

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia was having another drink at the bar after doing a small brown haired woman, when she saw a tall, good looking man walk in. She caught Sierra's attention and jerked her head in the direction of the man.

"I thought you were women only?"

Sierra continued pouring her another drink and nodded.

"We are. That's Amy who is transitioning to Archie. All that's left to go is below the belt and he's been taking testosterone so his clit should be getting bigger. I think for now he still uses a tool." She looked at Olivia and detected a hint of arousal. She smiled. "Amy used to be the resident stud but I'm thinking that role's yours now if you want it. Archie won't be allowed to come any more unless he has a girlfriend who is invited. Some of the girls who come still like a man on occasion. As long as everybody consents to whatever they decide to do it's cool."

Olivia nodded and felt the last of the E course through her veins. She knew the drug was long lasting, but figured she'd lost enough bodily fluids that it had to be dissipating at a far greater rate than normal.

"Interesting."

"Let me introduce you."

XXXXXXXXXXX

30 Minutes Later

Olivia found herself laughing at what Archie was saying and becoming more and more turned on. She attributed it to the drug which she'd revised her earlier assessment of. Archie was tall with blonde hair and green eyes. Olivia refused to acknowledge that he would do nicely as a male Alex stand-in.

"So Olivia, there's a nice private room that's just for me and whoever I might want to show it to. Would you like to join me?" To emphasize the point Archie ran his hand up Olivia's side and flicked her nipple. The sensations came roaring back to life and she found herself nodding and being led to the room.

It was not the same room as earlier and she yelped in surprise when she felt stubble on her inner thighs. Something she hadn't felt in nearly 17 years. She started to move away but Archie stopped her by lowering his mouth to her center.

"Oh God!" Olivia had never felt anything like what was being done to her. She wasn't sure if it was Archie, the thought that it was a man or that he looked like a male Alex. And really, she didn't care as his tongue slipped inside her.

"That's it Olivia…give it up. It's ok to let go. You know you want to."

Olivia nodded. "Yes, I do. I don't want to be in control any more."

"I know you don't baby. That's why you're here. That's why your life has changed so much the last year." Archie crawled up Olivia's body and settled between her legs.

Olivia looked at Archie's body and was surprised to see a smoothly defined chest that she guessed had pectoral implants and a washboard abdomen followed by narrow hips. And suddenly she was more turned on than she had been in quite a while.

She wrapped her legs around his body and moaned, "Fuck me."

"Gladly. Do you want the real thing or my other tool? My clit's not that long yet."

Olivia was writhing beneath him. "I don't care, just do it, please!"

Archie slipped a finger into Olivia and found her tighter than most women. Smiling he slid into her, bareback, with his engorged clit.

"Oh sweet Jesus you're tight!" Archie made a few frenetic moves in and out of Olivia and threw his head back as the sensations of Olivia's tight, inner walls wrapped around his clit sent him over the edge.

Olivia was still twitching and straining for contact as Archie began to go soft inside her. He pulled completely out against her protests and quickly harnessed up.

"Hold on Olivia."

As soon as he was harnessed her slid into her and she moaned. She wrapped her legs around him and urged him on whispering deeper, harder and other things not meant for polite company. She finally came hard and completely collapsed into the bed.

"Oh fuck! Archie…fuck!"

They lay side by side for a long time as Olivia tried to process just what had happened.

"That was the first time for me. I mean having one of those used on me."

"Well that was the first time I ever got to use my dick on somebody."

Olivia rolled her head to the side. "Really?"

Archie nodded. "Most of the women I have sex with don't want that. And like I said, it hasn't reached its full size yet so it doesn't do much for them and they are so stretched out that it doesn't do much for me." He turned on his side and stroked Olivia's face. "But you? You haven't had much down there but tongue and fingers and it felt incredible. Thank you."

Olivia leaned in and kissed Archie.

"Olivia, I didn't use anything. It was bareback but I'm always careful and I'm clean so it shouldn't be an issue."

"Oh. Ok." Her mind was thinking about what had just been said and hoping Archie was telling the truth. Her mind reminded her that it didn't matter at this point; the damage, if there was any, had been done. And then she was touched by the gentle nature of Archie and felt a real human connection for the first time since parting with Alex. The thought of Alex pained her and Archie caught the look on her face.

"Are you ok?" Olivia managed to smile and nod.

Not wanting to lose the connection she felt, she allowed herself to snuggle into him.

"Olivia…life's hard and it's even harder going it alone. If you have somebody outside this party, this group, go with them. This scene gets old real quick and you don't appear to be made for this."

Olivia felt profound gratitude in his words and wanted to thank him for being kind. She crawled on top of him and slowly worked her way down between his legs.

"Can I…suck you off?"

Archie raised his head. "Nobody…nobody ever has before. Nobody's ever wanted to."

Olivia smiled and took his flaccid member into her mouth, not quite sure what to do. Calling on long ago skills she began sucking and loving him and finally he was as erect as he was going to get. She poured everything she had into giving this man pleasure and was rewarded with a face full of his wetness.

Archie pulled her up his body and kissed her. "What can I do for you?"

Olivia picked up the harness and waggled her eye brows. She found that she actually enjoyed being taken and wondered why she and Alex had never done this. And then she wondered if Alex would be open to doing this. And then her mind reminded her that Alex wasn't in her life and more and Archie was moving in and out of her.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Next Morning

Olivia heard the front door buzzer being rung incessantly and groaned until she saw the clock. She tried to hurry out of bed knowing it was Alex dropping off Teegan, but her head pounded and she had to slow down.

Fumbling for her t-shirt and boxers she finally made it to the door looking horrible. Alex's eyes narrowed as she took in the obviously hung-over state of her former lover.

"Olivia, are you in any shape to take care of Teegan?"

"What? Yes, of course. I just…." Went to a sex party last night, got drunk and high and got fucked by a female-to-male transgender person as well as several ladies.

"Look like shit." She looked over her should where Teegan was getting her bat and bag out of the car. "Whatever you're doing Olivia, don't do it around our daughter. Got it?" She didn't give her time to answer, she just turned and stomped down the steps, stopping to hug Teegan on the way.

Teegan looked at her brunette mother. " OM ? Are you ok?"

"Yeah kiddo. Come on in. Just let me shower and we can head on out to the sports complex.

XXXXXXXXX

Sports Complex

Olivia had downed a handful of aspirins trying to get rid of her headache. She'd also downed two bottles of Gatorade trying to get her electrolytes back in balance and eaten a banana. She was watching Teegan and a group of friends taking batting practice, and didn't hear Serena Southerlyn approach.

"You look like shit."

She squinted as she looked up ant the blonde who didn't look to friendly.

"I uh, I had a little too much to drink last night." Well that much was true.

"We need to talk."

She really wasn't in the mood to talk to anybody. "About what?"

Serena flopped down beside her. "Bar Wet."

Olivia's head whipped around and she looked terrified.


	10. Chapter 10

**So, I post a 3,000 word part to this story and less than 5 minutes later I get a scathing, anonymous review. Either 1) You are a speed reader, 2) you only half read it or 3) You didn't read it and just spouted some ignorant and ill-informed vitriol. I'm betting #3 and you know who you are. Please, be smart enough to wait long enough to have read 3,000 words, and no, 5 minutes isn't long enough.**

Olivia nervously looked between where Teegan was taking batting practice and back at Serena. She motioned for the blonde to follow her.

"Teeg? Me and Serena are going to the snack stand, ok?" The mini-Alex smiled, waved and went back to hitting balls.

As soon as they were away from the cages Olivia wheeled on Serena.

"What do you know about Bar Wet?"

"I know you're the latest, freshest piece of meat. I know Penny introduced you to the club and that you've enjoyed the back room more than once." She stared at Olivia. "And I know I spent last night with Alex trying to console her after she drove by your house and saw you on the front porch sucking face with the same red head you took to the back room. She called me near hysterical and babbling about how you were cheating on Penny and that meant you must have cheated on her at some point."

"I never cheated on her! Never! Why would I?"

Serena's eyes became slits as she approached Olivia. "I don't know Olivia. Why would you leave a woman who loves and adores you, worships the ground you walk on?"

Olivia hung her head. "I don't know why I left Serena. Really, I don't."

Serena jabbed her in the shoulder. "Let me tell you what I know Olivia; I go to Bar Wet on occasion and the same tired lesbians have been coming in and out of that bar for years. They never have good, healthy relationships. Like you used to have with Alex. I know that I spent the night holding Alex and assuring her that there was nothing wrong with her womanhood. That whatever was going on with you was not a reflection of her." She took a step back. "Alex asked me to make love to her last night, to show her what went on in those back rooms."

Olivia's eyes blazed, blood boiled and her gut tightened. She took a step forward. "Did you sleep with her?"

"That is none of your business."

Olivia balled her fist up. "So help me God Serena, if you slept with her..."

"What Olivia? What are you going to do? Why can you go out fucking around and she can't?"

Olivia's eyes narrowed. "You told her about Bar Wet. You opened your mouth and told her!"

"Not until I had to. I was perfectly content to let her be ignorant of your activities until she became distraught thinking about you cheating on her. I told her you weren't cheating on Penny because the world you were currently playing in didn't have cheating. I told her not to hurt her, but to minimize her pain. Pain you caused her."

Olivia felt awful. "Thanks." She looked Serena in the eye. "Did you sleep with her?"

Serena shook her head. "No. But Olivia? If she comes to me again, I won't deny her."

"You're in love with her."

Again Serena shook her head. "No, but I very easily could be." Serena turned and started walking away. She looked over her shoulder and said, "Olivia, fish or cut bait. And be thoughtful in what you do."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex and Janice arrived in Bear Mountain State Park in time for lunch. Alex looked around at the Bear Mountain Inn and smiled.

"Rustic, but I like it."

Janice smiled and nodded. "I thought it would do us some good to get away from the city. To be alone." She raised her eye brows and smiled.

"How about we go to the room?"

"You don't want to go out and experience some nature?"

"Did you bring everything I asked you to bring?" Janice nodded. "Then I want to go to the room and experience all of that. I was serious about wanting to try new things Janice."

"Then let's go."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia returned to the batting cages and saw Teegan and her friends wiping down their faces with a towel. She cringed at the thought of all that sweat going from face to face. Thoughts of acne crossed her mind.

"Teegan, come here."

"What OM?"

"Go into the bathroom and wash your face. Don't use that nasty towel."

Teegan rolled her eyes but headed in the direction of the bathroom. Her friends followed and Olivia was left to ponder her conversation with Serena. It never occurred to her to ask the blonde why she felt the need to cruise a sex club. Instead, her mind was fixated on Alex. She put her head in her hands and sighed.

When she looked back up Teegan and her friends were sharing a soda. Olivia swore and called out to the girl.

"What Mom?"

Olivia waved a few bills at her daughter. "Go buy everybody one and quit sharing!"

As they left the complex Teegan was rattling on about their next game and Olivia was barely listening. She drove them to the pizza joint and Teegan frowned.

"What?"

"I just told you mom and I had pizza from here last night!"

"Sorry Teeg. I've just got a lot on my mind."

"I want to go to Sam and Andy's and have a burger."

"Ok." She started the car again and pulled back out into traffic.

Teegan studied her mother. "She thinks about you too."

"Who?"

"Hello! Mom! You think about her and she thinks about you."

"Teegan. Sweetie, your mom and I talked to you about this."

Teegan got out of the car. "Yeah, yeah. It's over everybody's moved on, blah, blah, blah. Let's just go eat."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Bear Mountain Inn

"Mmmm."

"You ok?"

All Alex could manage was a nod. She was currently tied down to the bed with some silk scarves and a butt plug in her ass. Janice had just entered her and was giving the blonde time to adjust to everything going on. She bent and kissed her lover.

"My breasts...please."

Janice began rubbing and kissing Alex's breasts and finally returned to moving in and out of her.

"You ok baby?"

"Just very...full. This is...different."

"Let me know if you want to stop. Ok?"

Alex managed to shift just a bit. "Harder baby. Fuck me harder."

Janice smiled and began moving harder and faster, drawing moans from Alex.

"Tell me baby. Tell me what you want."

"You..." Olivia.

Janice reached between them and flicked Alex's clit. She pinched it hard and Alex came. Janice pulled out of Alex, but instead of untying her she began stroking the blonde.

"Can I?"

Alex swallowed hard and nodded.

Janice smiled and went into the bathroom. She returned with a small basin of water, razor and shaving cream. She removed the butt plug and cleaned it. She took another washcloth and wet it, then cleaned Alex's pussy. Making sure it was good and wet, she lathered Alex up and carefully began shaving the blonde.

When she was done, she applied a peppermint lube to Alex's clit and began eating her.

"Oh God...Janice, please!"

The brunette slid two fingers into Alex and once again brought the blonde over the edge. She immediately untied Alex and drew her to her. She kissed Alex's temple and again whispered her love for the woman in her arms.

Alex didn't answer, she simply snuggled into Janice and drifted off to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia took Teegan home and they sat around watching TV. She kept thinking about Archie and finally brought him up to Teegan.

"Hey Teegan, I have a new friend named Archie. Would you mind if I invite him over for a cookout tonight?"

"Him? Sure!" Teegan was glad her mother had a new friend and since it was a man she knew there wouldn't be any love match. Her mother's were lesbians. Period.

Olivia smiled at her daughter and went to call Archie. She didn't know why, but she felt close to this man and wanted to spend more time with him. And she wanted to talk about Alex.

She fished the number Archie had given her the night before out of her pants pocket and made the call. While surprised at hearing from the brunette, Archie eagerly agreed to come over. Olivia had quietly told Archie that Teegan was there and would only know him as a man.


	11. Chapter 11

**1. I am a diehard A/O shipper. 2. Life is seldom simple, nice and neat. 3. I often write story's that go deeper than great sex and examine the WHY of relationships. 4. That means I write about real life. 5. I do research and don't just make it up on the fly. 6. For those with questions about my portrayal of F-M TG, you may want to look at becomingmichael blogspot .com and search growth of my penis. And Google is a beautiful thing. Or consult the Contreras custody case. Now, I'm posting another part to quiet the native's.**

Olivia and Archie were sitting on her couch talking. Teegan was in bed, dead to the world. They'd grilled out and then Teegan and Archie had spent time throwing a softball around and Archie even gave her a few hitting tips. Olivia was amazed Teegan allowed the man to help her.

According to Alex, she'd been abrasive and uncooperative with Janice and she already knew how she was with Penny. She'd smiled as she watched her daughter and Archie laughing and having fun.

"I'm surprised you called me."

Olivia shrugged. "I just feel connected to you Archie in a way I haven't felt to anybody in the last year. Not since Alex." Her gaze settled on the lone family photo she had of them sitting on the bookshelf.

Archie got up and went and got the photo. "She's gorgeous." Olivia nodded. "Mind if I ask what happened?"

Olivia shook her head. "I really don't know. I literally just woke up one morning out of love with her." She shrugged.

Archie chuckled. "If you were really out of love with her, this photo wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be thinking about her like you are. So again, what happened? What was going on in your life at the time you made this decision?"

Olivia laid her head onto the back of the couch and closed her eyes. "Just…work."

"As a sex crimes detective?"

"Technically I'm a sergeant now, but yeah, that division."

"Was there a particular case? Anything happen? Did Alex do something out of the ordinary?"

Olivia turned her head so she could see Archie. "What do you do for a living?"

Archie smiled. "Psychologist." He frowned. "Or at least I was. I have to have a competency hearing before the ethics board to determine my acceptability to continue practicing. Wanting to change your gender sort of throws up a flag."

Olivia lay her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry. But to answer your question, there was one case, but it wasn't anything earth shattering. I hate to sound cynical but it was a run of the mill rape. The victim was a young partnered lesbian. Poor thing; first lesbian relationship and she was freaked out her partner wouldn't stay with her."

"Especially since it ended up being true."

"Partner bailed, huh?"

"I think it was just an excuse. They were each other's firsts and the new had worn off."

Archie nodded, considering what Olivia had just said and what he knew of her relationship with Alex.

"Weren't you and Alex each other's firsts? And did the new wear off?"

"What? No. Never. Every time we made love it was good and like the first time. At least for me."

"And for Alex?"

Olivia straddled Archie's lap. "I don't want to talk about Alex any more." She kissed Archie. "I…I want you but you can't stay the night. Alex and I have an agreement concerning Teegan."

Archie glanced over the back of the couch in the direction of Teegan's room. "Then we'll be quiet." He pulled Olivia's head down for a kiss and began working on her zipper.

He pushed her panties aside and slipped a finger inside the brunette. Olivia clenched around him and buried her face in his neck to keep quiet.

In a low, harsh whisper she moaned, "Oh fuck…deeper Archie."

She began to ride his finger and clutched his shoulders as her orgasm built. A few more thrusts and Olivia came, drenching his hand. He carefully pulled out of her and Olivia reached for the box of tissues sitting on the end table.

After he was clean he held Olivia's face and kissed her. "Better?" She smiled and nodded.

"I want to do something for you." She slid down onto the floor and began undoing his zipper. She looked up, seeking permission and he nodded.

Slowly and carefully she worked him until he was stiff and then she took him into her mouth. She didn't know why this thrilled her; going down on a man had never particularly appealed to her but there was something about Archie. And she wanted to please him.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Alex and Janice were having dinner at the lodge. Alex had felted liberated in some of the things they had done and out of place with some of the other things. Her thoughts were never far from Olivia and how she might like what Janice was doing to her or she was doing to Janice. While she didn't mind using the strap-on, it wasn't her most favorite thing and she'd pretty much decided she wanted to give being the pitcher instead of the catcher a try for once.

"Alex? Did you hear me?"

"What?"

Janice smiled. "I said, I did bring some chocolate body paint."

Alex smiled as memories of chocolate body paint and Olivia flooded her mind. "Oh I love edible body paint."

Janice's face dimmed. "Oh. So you've used that before?"

Alex nodded. "And I love it." She stood up, the bill having been paid. "Let's go!"

XXXXXXXXX

Olivia lay alone in bed that night and began making a few decisions. She asked Archie to come back the next night so they could do more than what they'd done on the couch. And she wanted to keep talking to him.

One thing she did know was that she had to end whatever she was doing with Penny. While she had no one to blame but herself for cruising a sex club, she knew that what Serena was true about women who spent time in those bars. Penny was nice and a decent person, but she had a child to raise and she didn't want to be a bad example for Teegan.

Her mind kept going to Alex and she refused to deal with any of that at this point.

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex and Janice were lying together on the bed when the blonde picked up the brunette's harness and looked at it.

"I want to try it."

Janice raised her head. "What?"

Alex shook the harness. "This. I want to try doing you with this."

Janice laughed. "Alex, don't be silly. Sweetie, I top. Period. I don't get fucked with one of those." She kissed Alex. "You know that, or you should."

"But I want to try it and you agreed this weekend was about trying new things. So…."

Janice sat up in bed. "No. Alex, I meant we would work on introducing you to new things. Things that you might not have done in your years with…Olivia."

Alex frowned. "My sex life with Olivia was good, great even. We didn't need a lot of toys and things." Just each other.

"Are you sure she felt that way because if it was so good, why'd she up and leave you?"

Alex felt first her tears threaten and then her anger.

"Take that back Janice. Right now."

Janice sighed. "I'm sorry Alex. I just feel like she's always here, with us. Between us."

Alex knew what she was saying was true, but her ire was up.

"Well she's not! Wanting to fuck you with your boy-toy has nothing to do with her, but with me. Something *I* want to do. To try. I let you stick that butt plug in me and I'd think you could reciprocate!"

Janice got out of bed and walked over to her bag. Digging around she found what she was looking for and turned back to Alex who was now sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Alex…I didn't mean to pick a fight with you. I just wanted this weekend to be about us. And I'm nervous."

Alex looked over her shoulder. "About what? Coming away with me?"

Janice walked over to her and got down on her knees. "No, not that. Alex, I want us to take the next step. I want to marry you." She held out the ring box and Alex snapped backwards.

"What?"

Janice opened the box to reveal a small sized diamond ring.

"Marry me."

"Janice…."

"Not right now, but in the future. Right now I'd just like for us to move in together."

Alex looked like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.

"But you bought a ring."

"It doesn't have to be an engagement ring. Just a…promise ring."

Alex ignored that remark and opted on talking about the 'move-in together' part.

"Janice, I have Teegan. She's my first priority and I'm not going to uproot her to move-in with someone."

"I could always move in with you."

"Janice, I need to think about this. Ok?" She managed to smile at the other woman.

After a pause she nodded and then kissed Alex. "At least try it on, ok?"

XXXXXXXXXXX

Sunday night

Alex hadn't come to the door to get Teegan, she'd simply blown the horn and waited in the car. Olivia frowned as she watched from the front porch. Alex had barely waved at her and Olivia wondered what was up. They'd always had a casual conversation while doing the child exchange.

She didn't ponder for too long as she had to get ready for Archie. She realized she was excited at the thought of seeing him, something that hadn't happened with Penny. She also didn't stop to think about Teegan's assertion that Archie and Alex could be brother and sister. She particularly knocked that idea away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex had taken the ring Janice had given her off before picking up Teegan. She was in a funk and just wanted to be left alone, which is why she didn't bother to go to the door and pick up Teegan.

She'd listened to her daughter prattle on about the weekend at Olivia's and about Olivia's new friend Archie and how cool he was. She was only vaguely aware of what was being said and managed to mumble or nod just enough to seem engaged in the conversation.

She did manage to tuck Teegan in and then she went and called Serena to discuss the most recent turn of events with Janice.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Archie was moving in and out of Olivia with his tool as he'd already gotten his, a couple of times.

"That's it baby, let go. Just let go."

"I want to, I want to so bad. Please…."

Archie adjusted his hips so that the angle changed and Olivia began to buck against him. Olivia had two fistfuls of bed sheet and was letting expletives fall out of her mouth at an alarming rate.

"Tell me baby, tell me who you're with right now. Who you want it to be fucking you. Be honest."

"A..A..Alex! Fuck me Alex! Please!"

One more angle change and Olivia was hurtling over the edge and in her mind it was Alex who was in her mind, whose face she saw. And her orgasm exceeded the other one's she had since leaving the blonde. The idea of having Alex be in control, being over her and in her was a wild turn on.

Archie slowly brought her down and held onto her, loving her. He wasn't surprised or hurt by Olivia's admission. He knew the score and he knew the brunette had given him more than any other woman in a long time. She'd made him feel cared for and physically he'd gotten more from her than from anybody in a long time.

When he came back to the present, he found Olivia crying and held her to him.

"I want Alex. I want Alex, Archie! I want her."

"Shhh. I've got you and we'll figure it out."

XXXXXXXXXX

Next Afternoon

Olivia swore as she searched for a parking space. She'd gone into work and told Cragen about her accidental drug use to which he'd felt the need to lecture her, which led to her being late for Teegan's ball game.

As she scanned the bleachers for Alex, her eyes fell on Archie, who Teegan had invited. She went and took her seat next to him before finding Alex in line with Serena at the concession stand.

She gave Archie's hand a squeeze. "Thanks for last night." She leaned in closer. "In more ways than one."

"No trouble Olivia. Is that Serena Southerlyn with Alex?"

Olivia grew nervous. "Yes, why?"

Archie just smiled and got up to go visit with Teegan, whose team was batting. She watched Alex and Serena walking toward the bleachers and caught a glint on Alex's ring finger. She frowned as she wondered when Alex had started wearing a ring.

She became more suspicious as Alex caught sight of her, gave a half nod and then stopped walking. She turned her back to Olivia, presumably to 'talk' to Serena and Olivia noticed her finger was bare when she turned back around.

"Olivia. Glad you could make it. You look better than the last time I saw you." Olivia blushed and hung her head.

"Thanks." She shot Serena a glare.

Alex noticed Archie talking to Teegan and scowled.

"Do you know that man talking to Teegan?"

"That's my friend Archie."

"Oh. Yes, Teegan said something about him yesterday."

Olivia noticed Serena's spine went stiff. She then noticed Archie was trying not to stare at the other blonde.

She wanted to talk to Alex, but was unsure how to go about that so they sat in silence watching the game and cheering when Teegan and her team did something good. The lone excitement was when Teegan collided with a player on the other team hard enough to wind her. She'd shaken it off and both Olivia and Alex felt better about her condition after a check-in with her during her team's at bat.

After the game Serena approached Archie. Making sure they were out of ear shot she asked, "Amy?"

"Serena. It's Archie now. I'm…almost done transitioning."

Serena nodded. "Good. I know what this means to you. You look good." Damn good. She looked over at Alex and Olivia. "So how do you know Olivia?" Are you fucking her?

Archie opted for the truth. "The club. Haven't seen you around in a while."

Serena nodded and then asked her own direct question. "Are you sleeping with Olivia?"

Archie smiled. "She wants Alex back."

"She should get her back before it's too late." She looked back at Archie. "So I take it you've slept with her?"

With just a hint of hurt Archie replied, "She is the first woman to not have any issue with the fact that I'm growing a dick."

"Can we go somewhere and talk?"

Alex and Olivia had been watching the entire exchange and suddenly Olivia realized what was going on. She gave a faint smile and watched as they left together.

"Alex, can we talk?"

Alex sighed. "Not now Olivia. I have a lot going on and I need to get Teegan home. It may be the last week of school, but she still has homework."

XXXXXXXXX

Tuesday Afternoon

"Benson." When she didn't get an answer she again said, "Benson." Thinking it was Teegan once again calling to try and get out of school early she said, "Teegan, I told you once, you're sore because you got banged up last night and you'll just have to tough it out."

"Liv…"

Hearing Alex who was obviously in tears she went on full alert.

"What is it Alex? What's wrong?"

"I'm at children's hospital. Teegan's been admitted. They think she may have bacterial meningitis."

"I'm on my way."


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for the reviews. Again, this story was long ago published and archived on the mailing list svu_ladies **

Olivia arrived at the hospital to find Alex pacing in the ICU waiting room.

"Alex?"

The blonde turned and seeing her ex-lover, she rushed into Olivia's arms.

"They did a spinal tap on her Liv. She was so scared and she was crying. She looks…bad."

"Where is she now?"

"They've got her isolated in case it is bacterial meningitis. They also sedated her."

Olivia was shaking her head. "What…what happened? She was fine last night!"

"I was in court today and when I got out there were a few messages on my cell phone from the school nurse. When I called back they said they couldn't reach you and that Teegan had a high fever and was complaining of a stiff neck."

Alex looked down. "At first I thought…I thought she was faking it, but then the nurse told me her fever was 103. Oh God!"

Olivia held her tighter. "I thought the same thing. She called me this morning complaining of a stiff neck but I thought it was just from the game last night." Olivia felt tears threatening. "I told her to tough it out!"

They some how managed to find their way to sitting down and sat in silence for a long time, holding hands.

XXXXXXXXX

2 Hours Later

"What is taking them so long?" Olivia was on her third cup of really bad coffee and almost to the breaking point.

Alex was rubbing her hands over her face and shaking her head. "I don't know."

As Olivia got up to begin pacing again, the doctor came out to talk to them.

"Alex Cabot?"

Alex stood up. "That's me. I'm Teegan's mother and this is her other mother, Sgt. Olivia Benson."

He looked between them both and nodded.

"We're still waiting on the results from the tap, but we went ahead and started her in IV antibiotics and other fluids. She's thrown up a lot and now that we seem to have that under control, I've sedated her more deeply as she's been very agitated."

Olivia nodded. "What happens next? When can we see her?"

"Right now we just have to wait. We wait on the results, the antibiotics to kick in, everything. I've got her isolated in ICU so visiting hours are limited."

Alex protested. "She's 12! She's never been in the hospital before. She must be terrified."

"I know how hard this is, but until we know for sure, she could be a risk to others. You may go in and see her now, but you'll both have to wear gowns, gloves and masks, ok?"

They both nodded and followed him into ICU. He handed each of them a paper gown and gloves and mask. Olivia tied Alex's gown and she returned the favor.

Teegan was hooked up to two IV's and her hair was sweaty. Their daughter suddenly looked small and fragile against the stark white sheets of the bed.

Alex toughed her forehead and was about to kiss it when the doctor told her she couldn't. Alex nodded and held Teegan's hand tighter. Olivia was on the other side of her and took hold of her other hand.

"We love you Teeg."

All too soon the doctor told them they needed to leave. Sadly they said good-bye to her and went back out into the waiting room.

XXXXXXXXX

"I should have had her vaccinated. The school offered and I said no."

Alex shook her head. "I agreed with you Olivia about the vaccine. It's still new and the side effects are unknown."

"But I made the decision Alex. It was my call at the end and now look at what happened."

"Liv…don't. There's no time for that now. Right now it needs to be about Teegan. Not what you did or didn't do."

"You're right. I'm sorry." She looked over at Alex who was going through a case file. "How can you work at a time like this?"

"Because it helps me not think about how sick she really could be."

Olivia went back to rubbing her hands together. Without thought Alex reached over and laid her left hand on top of Olivia's as she continued to read through the brief. Olivia looked down and noticed the diamond ring on her finger. She quietly and gently fingered the ring.

"This is new."

Realizing what she'd done, Alex snatched her hand back. She wasn't sure what she was going to do about Janice and she sure wasn't ready to discuss whatever might happen with Olivia.

"Uh, yeah. It was a gift."

"From Janice. It's why you went away this weekend."

"No. Yes. I don't know. I mean, we went away to spend some time together, away from everything and everybody." She looked slightly distressed at what she'd just said.

"It's a diamond." Alex nodded and slid her hand beneath the stack of papers on her lap. "That usually means…engagement."

Alex gathered up her papers and stuffed them back into her attaché case.

"It's not an engagement ring Olivia unless I want it to be one."

"Do you?"

Alex sighed. "Can we not talk about this right now? In case you haven't noticed our daughter is sick."

"I'm aware Alex, which is why I want you to know that I still love you. I never stopped."

In a bitter tone she bit off, "Did you love me before or after you thought I might marry Janice?"

"Always. I asked to talk to you last night but you didn't want to. I planned on telling you last night and…"

"Shut up Olivia. I am not in the mood for you to suddenly decide you love me again."


	13. Chapter 13

**To the sad individual who isn't original enough to come up with their own pen name, but must resort to borrowing from a Showtime series character; GROW UP. Nobody here is reviewing their own story. I'm sorry your talent doesn't garner the response I'm getting, but seriously, you're just kinda sad now. If you were smart enough to actually go back over all the reviews, you'd see that it's mainly the same people reviewing the story and they started long before your temper tantrum. Again, this story was posted, to good reviews, long ago on my mailing list. I'm sharing it here to try and up the quality on FF. And for every anonymous review you cowardly submit, I'll just keep posting chapters.**

Alex was sitting in the corner of the waiting room with Janice and Olivia was sitting by herself. She'd called Archie who said he'd be by later with Serena. Both women stole glances at the other. Olivia had not been happy to see Janice swoop in as Alex's savior. Alex had been curious when Penny hadn't shown up.

Archie arrived just before visiting hours and told her Serena had gotten held up in court. He hugged Olivia and then held her until they were allowed back to see Teegan.

The girl was awake and looking between her mother's with sleepy eyes. They each sat on the edge of her bed, yellow paper gowns flowing around them.

"Hey Teeg." They said in unison.

"Moms? I hurt...all over." She tried to scratch around her IV lead, but Olivia shook her head and gently moved her hand.

"Baby...it's going to be ok." Alex looked between Teegan and Olivia. The brunette's face had the same serious, drawn look she was sure her's had.

"Your mom's right Teeg. You just lay there and rest baby."

"What about school?"

"It's all taken care of baby."

The ICU nurse let them know visiting hours was up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia followed Alex out and grasped her elbow as they got back to the waiting area.

"Alex?"

Alex didn't turn to face Olivia. "Yes?"

"Alex, look at me...please?"

Alex sighed and turned to face the brunette. "What?"

"If...when Teegan gets to come home, I want to come home too."

Alex shook her head. "What?"

"Teegan is going to need lots of recovery time and I want to be there for her. This isn't about us Alex, it's about our child. I can sleep on the couch or the spare room. Whatever. Please?"

Alex was speechless. "I...I can't deal with this right now Olivia."

"She's my daughter too Alex."

Alex sighed. "I know. Later, ok? Let's just concentrate on getting her home first."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Back in the waiting room Olivia held on to Archie for dear life and Alex sat holding Janice's hand.

"Alex, do you want something to eat?"

Alex looked at Janice and shook her head. "Go ahead if you're hungry." She watched as the brunette went off in the direction of the cafeteria. She glanced over in the direction of Olivia and saw Archie stroking her cheek in an all too familiar gesture. Archie caught her eye just as Alex started to look away and gave her a small smile. He murmured something to Olivia and got up and went in the direction of the cafeteria.

Alex snapped and went over to Olivia.

"Are you sleeping with him too?"

"What?"

Alex motioned in the direction of Archie's retreating form.

"Him. Archie. Are you sleeping with him too?" Her eyes were ablaze.

Olivia couldn't look at Alex. "It's not like that Alex."

"Jesus Christ Olivia!" She turned her back to Olivia and put her hands on her hips. She wheeled back around and in a seething voice she bit out, "What the fuck is going on with you? Are you just giving it away now?" She shook her head and balled up her fist. "I can't believe I was ever this stupid. I really, really thought that what we had was special! We were each other's first Olivia! And maybe, just maybe I could understand this need you had to go out and get some new pussy; I just never thought you'd go out and get lots of new pussy and now apparently some new dick! Dick!"

"Alex, I..."

"What? You what? You've not been going to a fuck and suck club? Did you pick that man up there too?" Alex's eyes widened."Oh. My. God. You've had our daughter around that man! How could you?"

Olivia stood up, trying to get Alex to move to a more private area. "Let me explain."

"Explain what? Your sudden need to start fucking men again?"

"It's not like that Alex."

The blonde simply stared at Olivia, shook her head and moved back toward the waiting area. She was surprised to see Serena and Archie walking down the hallway, hand in hand. She did a double take and then strode right up to them both. She looked Archie in the eyes, thrilled to be his height.

"You are not welcome here and stay the hell away from my daughter!"

Serena looked between them. "Alex?"

Alex looked down at their linked hands. "Oh beautiful. Just beautiful. Not only has my ex been fucking a man, my best friend is fucking him too! My lesbian best friend!"

Serena motioned with her head for Archie to leave and took Alex by the arm. She led the blonde over to a chair and forced her to look at her.

"Listen to me Alex. Listen real good. I dated Archie a long time ago. Back when he was Amy."

Alex looked confused and then realization seeped in.

"Oh God. This just keeps getting better. She...he has slept with Olivia! How can you possibly be ok with ANY of this?"

Serena shrugged. "Because I love him. I don't care if he used to be a she. As trite as it sounds, I really did fall in love with the person, not the gender."

Alex stood up and walked away from Serena and Olivia. "I can't deal with this right now. I can't deal with anything because my daughter, MY daughter might not make it!"

She walked right into Janice and buried her face in her girlfriend's neck and began to sob.

Olivia stood with Archie and Serena and watched, helplessly, as the love of her life was being comforted by another woman.


	14. Chapter 14

**Oh sigh. The sadness that is some people. As most of you know and as witnessed by my statement on my profile, I don't beg for reviews, I don't write for reviews. No writer should, and please understand, I am an actual published author (with royalty checks to boot), not just fic writer. I've interviewed Mariska and Stephanie among others. And I notice that the poor, pathetic soul who trashes my story, is oddly the one who manages to always read/anonymously review my story. So, she must care some, right? As for my 10 plus year SVU fic writing "career," I wrote what is considered my many (not all), the quintessential SVU family story. I faced charges of juicing my own reviews all those years ago because, well, many fic writers don't tackle real life. Enjoy. Oh, and if you'd really like to direct me to your profile so I could see what a "real" writer with "real" success is, well, you could always stop reviewing anonymously. Put up or shut up.  
**

"Alex?" Janice looked down at the head resting on her shoulder. Alex had fallen asleep and now she needed to rouse the woman so she could leave.

"What?" Alex sat up rubbing first her eyes and then her neck.

"I need to go. I have a big presentation tomorrow at work."

"Oh." Alex began fussing with her clothing. "Ok."

Janice paused. "Why don't you come with me? Get some real sleep?"

Alex shook her head no. "I'm not leaving my daughter."

Janice knelt in front of her. "Alex, you can only see her every 4 hours during the day. You need to take care of yourself. The hospital or…Olivia, will call if anything changes."

Alex frowned. "Janice, I am not leaving my daughter here, alone."

Janice looked over at Olivia who was trying to stay awake. "She won't be alone Alex, Olivia's here."

Alex was tired, cranky and her nerves were frayed. "Janice, I am not leaving my daughter. Period. Now if you need to go, go."

The brunette hesitated and then finally left.

XXXXXXXXXX

After final visiting Hours

Alex was looking at the hard hospital chair with trepidation when Olivia came up behind her.

"Alex, they have a few rooms for parents of sick children. Nothing fancy, just a basic hospital room with two beds, a shower and a TV. It's pretty cheap. I rented us the last one."

"Room? They have rooms here?" Olivia nodded. "And you rented one?"

"Yeah. I know you and I know there is no way you are leaving here without Teegan. You can't keep sleeping in that chair. If you don't mind I'll go to the house and get you some clean clothes and stuff. It's room 105, down the hall on the left."

Alex nodded. "Ok." As Olivia started to leave she grabbed her hand. "Thank you."

Olivia smiled at her. "You're her mother Alex." She shrugged.

Cabot House

Olivia had flown through her own house getting clean clothes and toiletries. Now she was inside Alex's house. The realization that she had just called it "Alex's house" and not "their house" had saddened her. She went into Teegan's room and grabbed her old stuffed bear before going down the hall to Alex's room. She took a moment to look at the bed and her eyes drifted to what used to be her side. She smiled when she noticed the pillow on her side still had the distinct dip in it.

She got Alex some clean clothes out of the closet and then went into the bathroom to get her toiletries. She paused when she realized Alex would need clean underwear. Taking a deep breath she opened the drawer the blonde kept her privates in. She rummaged around until her hand came into contact with something. She felt along the length and closed her eyes.

She couldn't help but pull it out and nearly choked at the size of the dildo and harness. Unable to stop herself, she took a sniff and was pleased to smell only new rubber. She deemed it had not been used, but then she thought about the fact that it was in their bedroom, Alex's bedroom, which must mean Janice was now sleeping in there with Alex.

She quickly shoved it back into the drawer and finished packing Alex's stuff. She hurried out of the house and made her way back to the hospital. She found Alex sitting on the hospital bed with her knees under her chin.

"Alex? Is everything ok?" Her pulse had quickened.

"Yes. I'm just feeling out of sorts." And I can't believe what a bitch Janice turned into.

Olivia sat the bag on the bed. "Here's some clean clothing and stuff Alex."

She nodded and then got up and went into the bathroom. As she dug through the bag she smiled when she realized Olivia had packed her flip flops. Slipping them on, she climbed into the shower.

When she came out of the shower Olivia was gone but Teegan's bear was on the bed. She picked it up and let her tears fall. Olivia came back in from getting a snack and saw Alex crying.

"Alex?"

The blonde began openly sobbing. "She's my baby Olivia! She's my baby!"

Olivia sat her food down and took Alex into her arms. "I know baby, I know." She rubbed Alex's back and continued whispering to her over and over until finally she quieted down. "Here, let's get you settled into bed." She helped Alex get into the hospital bed and then tucked her in.

She went into the bathroom and took her own shower. When she came back out, Alex was on her side, facing away from the door.

"Olivia?"

"Yes?"

"Lay with me? Please?"

"Of course." She slipped into bed behind the blonde and wrapped her arm around her.

They lay silently until Olivia thought Alex was asleep. She started to get up and move, but the blonde stopped her.

"Don't. I need to talk to you and I need for you to listen without seeing me face."

"Ok."

"Olivia, I am not going to marry Janice. Not now and not later. She left today knowing my daughter was sick and that I needed...somebody. It should have been her here with me, but her job was more important."

"She's an investment banker Alex..." She'd tried to come up with something to defend the woman, but she just couldn't.

"You're here."

Olivia didn't have an answer for that so she held Alex tighter.

"Liv?"

"Yes?"

"When she gets to come home, because she will Olivia, you can come and stay until she's recovered. In the guest room, ok?"

Olivia smiled. "Ok. Thank you."

"Olivia, don't think I've forgiven you or even understand why you've done the things you have; but you are her mother too."

Olivia kissed the back of Alex's head. and they drifted off to sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you all for the reviews. While I don't seek them, I do appreciate those who take the time to review them (even the noise from the cheap seats). Several of you have asked to join svu_ladiesficdiscuss. The easiest way to join the actual list is to go to svuladies net (FF won't allow direct links) and use the subscribe button.**

Olivia awoke slowly and realized she was in the bed alone. She rolled onto her back and rubbed her eyes. She stretched and wondered where Alex was. A quick look at her watch told her it was just after 8. They could visit Teegan at 9 so she got up and went into the bathroom. When she came out she heard Alex's voice and another woman outside the door. She quickly threw on a clean shirt and opened the door to find Alex and Janice in a heated discussion.

Janice caught sight of Olivia and frowned. "So you did spend the night here, in this room with her."

Alex looked over her shoulder at Olivia and then back at Janice. "Yes, I did. Olivia is her mother too. And she knew I wasn't about to leave our daughter here, alone." She looked at Janice rather pointedly.

"Only one bed was slept in Alex, which means you slept in the same bed as her."

Alex straightened her spine. "Yes, I did. I needed somebody Janice and Olivia was here."

Janice laughed. "I just best she was. Alex, you need to make a decision." Janice looked between Alex and Olivia.

Alex's eyes narrowed and Olivia almost felt sorry for the other woman. Almost.

"I already did." She dug the ring out of her pocket and handed it back to Janice. "I can't marry you; not now not ever."

"Alex?"

"Janice…" She looked over her shoulder at Olivia who had the sense to make a hasty retreat. Alex pulled the other woman into the room. "Janice this has nothing to do with Olivia."

"Don't lie Alex. Not now, not as you're standing here breaking up with me!"

Alex considered what she'd said. "Maybe it does have something to do with Olivia, but not the way you think. Janice, you didn't really want to keep waiting for me…sexually. So I slept with you before I really wanted to. Olivia would have waited months to sleep with me if I'd asked her to. You thought it was ok for me to leave the hospital last night. To leave my child. I know she's not your child, but I love her and if you really loved me, you'd love her by extension because she came from me. Even though Olivia and I aren't together, she still knew me well enough to know I would never, ever leave Teegan here. Nor would she expect me to." Alex finished and held her arms out and shrugged.

"So that's it?"

"Yes Janice, that's it."

"Olivia? Are you getting back with her?"

Alex shook her head. "I don't think so Janice. And this isn't about dumping you for her."

Janice slowly nodded. "I really do hope Teegan gets better Alex."

Alex smiled at her. "Thank you. You are a good woman Janice, you're just not the one for me."

Janice pulled her in for a hug and kissed her one last time. "Hey Alex? Just one question; how come you and Olivia never made it official? I just always wondered."

Alex frowned. "I don't know, but it doesn't matter now." And Olivia never gave me any indication she wanted to be married to me.

"Take care Alex."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They'd just finished visiting Teegan who was going to be moved into a private room the next day barring any complications. Alex and Olivia were heading back to the same room they'd been in the night before.

"Thank God none of the other girls came down with it."

Olivia looked forlorn. "They were all vaccinated. I should have had her vaccinated."

"Liv, it's not your fault."

"Not my fault? Alex I took her to the batting cages where she shared that dirty, sweaty towel with the other girls and they all drank from the same bottle. Me Alex, not you."

They'd just entered the room when Alex tried to console her ex.

"Olivia, it's not like you hurt her on purpose. It happens, just like the first time she rode a bike by herself and wrecked on the curb."

"But Alex, the night before…I'd been out and I was hung-over that morning. Maybe if…."

"Hush. It happened Olivia and there is no use going back over everything. She's going to be ok. It's just going to take her a while to recover. She has all summer."

With that Alex went into the bathroom to change and when she came out Olivia was already in the bed they'd shared the night before. She looked between that bed and the other bed in the room. Against her better judgment she climbed into bed with Olivia and turned on her side, facing the brunette.

"I broke it completely off with Janice."

Olivia stroked her face. "I'm sorry Alex."

Alex gave her a small smile. "No you're not, but thank you."

"Alex, I don't want to see you hurt, not ever."

Alex held her gaze and raised an eye brow. Message sent and received.

"And I'm sorry I hurt you."

Alex gave her a slight smile. "Thank you for finally saying that Liv. It means a lot."

They lay looking at each other for a long moment when Olivia leaned in and touched her lips to Alex's. The blonde didn't protest and Olivia tried to deepen it. She nudged at Alex who finally put her hand on Olivia's shoulder.

"No Liv."

"Alex? You've never denied me before." She looked genuinely perplexed.

In a quiet voice Alex replied, "Well, I'm denying you now Olivia. I can't keep having sex with you. It hurts too much and it's getting in the way of my moving on." She licked her lips. "And I can't do that with you knowing…knowing where you've been and what you've done. I'm sorry."

She got out of bed with Olivia and slipped into the other bed, turning her back to the brunette. Olivia could tell by the trembling of her shoulders that the blonde was crying. Knowing she wasn't what Alex wanted or needed at that moment, she turned her back to Alex and let her own tears fall, wondering not for the first time, exactly what she'd done to her life.


	16. Chapter 16

4 Days Later

Alex was busy getting Teegan's room ready for her return, which meant changing the sheets and putting heavier curtains on the window. Teegan was still very sensitive to light and the doctor said she probably would be for a while. Alex had also bought her new pajamas and had washed and dried them. She'd also bought her baby some new pillows for propping her up and she and Olivia had agreed on buying their daughter her own DVD player for her room.

Olivia had bought her some new DVD's knowing their daughter would soon tire of staying in bed all day. She'd also relented and bought the entire set of Twilight books, something she'd vowed to never do. Alex thought her ex was experiencing residual guilt over the fact that the meningitis had been contracted at the batting cages. She also knew there would be no convincing Olivia it wasn't her fault.

The cleaning lady was coming later in the day to clean as Alex hadn't been home all that much since Teegan was admitted. She went down the hall to find Olivia settling into the guest room. She watched as the brunette went about putting clothing and other items into various drawers.

Olivia felt someone staring at her and turned to find a faint blush on Alex's cheeks. She smiled and raised an eye brow thinking the other woman was remembering the way they had christened the room when they'd first moved in.

"Remembering something Alex?"

Alex's face went from pink to white. "Yes, but not what you're probably thinking of."

"Really?"

Hearing the challenge in Olivia's words she went for the fatal blow.

"I was thinking about the night I did Janice on that bed." She turned and continued on down the hall leaving a slightly green Olivia Benson behind.

Olivia looked at the bed and immediately began tearing the sheets off. When that was done she labored until she'd flipped the mattress and then left to go to her house for a set of her own sheets.

That Night

Alex lay in the bed she used to share with Olivia, still only on her side and wondered what her ex was doing right down the hall. She'd taken great delight in the fact that Olivia had stripped the bed and apparently flipped the mattress if the cursing she'd heard was any indication of what was going on in the bedroom. Still, she found herself wanting to go crawl in bed with the brunette and just be held by her.

Down the hall Olivia was tossing and turning, thinking about being back under the same roof as Alex and trying not to think about Alex and Janice making wild monkey love on the very bed she was sleeping on.

XXXXXXXXXX

Next Afternoon

Alex, Olivia and Teegan had just arrived home when Olivia's cell phone began to ring. She was trying to help Teegan inside the house when she asked Alex to grab the phone out of her pocket and answer it.

"Olivia Benson's phone."

"Who is this?"

Alex looked at the phone and then said, "Alex Cabot, who is this?"

"Oh. It's Penny. I just wanted to check with Olivia and see how Teegan was doing."

"Olivia's helping her into the house right now. I'll have her call you back." She didn't give the woman time to answer, she simply hung-up.

She found her daughter and ex in Teegan's bedroom, getting her settled in.

"You need to call Penny." Alex was less than friendly.

Olivia swallowed hard and took the phone from her ex. "No I don't. I told her we didn't need to see each other any more."

Alex relented a little. "Liv, she called to see about Teegan."

Olivia reluctantly nodded. "I'll call her later."

Teegan had been watching her mothers interact and found herself wishing for about the millionth time they would just get a clue. She sighed and both of her mother's turned to make sure she was ok.

"Baby, do you need anything?"

"Are you hungry Teeg?"

She looked between both of her mothers and realized she had a golden opportunity to get them back together. However, she was incredibly tired and put all thoughts of scheming on the back burner in favor of a nap.

1 Week Later

It was Saturday afternoon and Teegan was sitting on the couch, still in her pajamas, watching a movie with her OM. Alex had gone out to run some errands and Teegan planned on using the time with her OM to prod the other woman.

" OM , it's been really nice having you here again. Thanks for staying with me and Mom."

Olivia looked up from her book and smiled at what had to be a younger version of Alex Cabot. She realized looking at their daughter that she'd changed a lot in the last year and even though she'd seen Teegan almost daily for at least 5 minutes, she'd still missed out on so much. And in the back of her mind she thought about how their daughter was developing which would soon mean boys sniffing around. And she needed to be in the house for that.

"I've enjoyed being here too Teegan. I've missed you guys."

"You have?"

"Yeah Teeg, I have. I love you and…I still love your mom. I just really, really messed up."

"Yeah, you did."

Olivia scowled at the simple, easy way her daughter agreed with her.

"Teegan!"

"What? You did OM. You messed up real bad. You hurt Mom and you hurt me and now you need to fix it."

She realized her daughter not only looked like her mother, she thought like her mother as well.

"I'm trying Teeg. I'm trying."

"Well try harder. I'm not always going to be sick you know!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

3 Days Later

"So, what's it like being under the same roof as Olivia again?"

"Surprisingly very nice."

Serena smiled at her friend. "How nice?"

"Serena! We are not sleeping together." Though if I catch another glimpse of a naked Olivia hurrying back to her bedroom we might be.

"Well that's just a matter of time."

"How are you and Archie?" She wanted to change the subject.

"We're good. Real good. I don't know why I let me prejudice get in the way. It's the same person inside whether or not it's Amy or Archie. And boy is he good in bed."

Alex stabbed the lettuce of her salad with her fork.

"And how exactly does that work? Has his dick finally grown in? Or does he do you with a strap-on?" And just how did that work with Olivia? "Or do you do him?"

"Archie is capable of penetration Alex and it feels pretty damn good if you must know. But on the rare occasions when I need a little more, well, yeah, he still has a strap-on."

"So you don't ever strap one on and do him? I mean, he still has a…hole, right?"

Annoyed she replied, "Yes Alex, he still has a hole, and no, I don't strap one on and do him. That's not Archie. Which is fine by me."

"But Olivia…." Alex caught herself before she finished that thought.

"Yes?" Serena raised an eye brow. "Surprised to find out that your big bad stud of an ex actually took it?"

Alex ignored her. "Speaking of taking it, have you ever been on the giving end Serena?"

"Yep. Not a big turn on for me, why? You thinking about giving it to Liv?"

"NO! I am curious though. I mean, after that weekend with Janice, before I picked Teegan up I bought one. Janice said absolutely not to me doing her, which was just selfish if you ask me, but I am intrigued by the idea of having that power over somebody."

"Craigslist."

"What?"

"Craigslist. Post that you are a lipstick top looking for a bottom and I guarantee you some stud will take you up on it."

"Casual sex? My God, what is the world coming to? And how is that any better than going to a sex club?"

Serena shrugged. "You know them beforehand?" Serena inwardly smiled knowing there was no way her best friend would ever hook-up with somebody just for sex.

XXXXXXXXXX

2 Days Later

Olivia had gone out to run errands and Teegan was asleep on the couch. Their daughter had quickly grown tired of being in bed and had finally convinced her blonde mother she would not catch pneumonia and die if she spent some time in the living room on the couch. It was Saturday and they were going to have game night that night. Alex had even agreed to invite Serena, but not Archie. She still didn't want to acknowledge his past with Olivia.

Alex had thought about what Serena had said and had checked Craigslist a few times. She was shocked at the bluntness with which the ads were written, but found herself drawn to the casual encounters board time and again. As crude as it sounded, it also made some sort of sense; cut to the chase and get what you ask for.

Which is exactly why she found herself posting in the casual encounters section on the New Jersey board. She'd nixed the idea of posting in the New York section for fear of somebody she knew seeing her. She read and re-read her posting a few times before she put it up.

Lipstick Top Seeks Butchy Bottom

Formerly submissive lipstick bottom looking to try strapping one on

for the right butchy bottom. Must be able to take direction well and

be patient with a first-timer. Your pic gets mine. Serious replies only,

will only meet in public first and this will take place in a hotel room

of my choosing.

She hit the button to post the message, confirmed it and then logged off the computer. She found Teegan, Olivia and Serena waiting on her with a hot pizza. She smiled at them and they sat down to play a game of Monopoly.


	17. Chapter 17

Teegan had fallen asleep half way through the game so Olivia had carried her to bed, which was no small feat as the girl was going to be tall like her mother. After getting her situated she went back into the living room and found Alex and Serena talking in hushed tones. Curious, she by-passed them and went into the kitchen, but stayed close to the door so she could eaves drop.

"Do you or do you not still have feelings for Olivia?"

"Leave it alone Serena."

"Alex, she's back living under your roof! It has to mean something."

"It means we both love our child! Now leave me alone about this!"

Serena rolled her eyes. "Oh please! Everybody knows you still love her and she's the only one dumb enough to believe she just 'fell out of love' with you."

Alex was becoming visibly upset. "Serena! I don't think she was dumb at all. I think it was a long time coming. For a year before she left it was…different. And Hell, I was with Janice for all of 8 weeks and already she was proposing to me and I was with Olivia for 15 years and never once did she even hint at wanting to do any sort of ceremony! We never even wore rings! The only piece of jewelry she ever bought me was a mother's ring when Teegan was born!"

Before Serena could reply, Olivia stepped into the room. "You never told me you wanted one. I just assumed…"

Alex looked up at Olivia and started shaking her head. "Well I did Olivia. I wanted that from you, with you. And now it doesn't matter. You are only here because our daughter is sick." She hurried by the brunette and into the bedroom where she shut and locked the door.

Olivia looked at Serena. "I fucked up."

"Big time."

XXXXXXXXX

Alex had not left her room the rest of the night and had stayed in bed until she heard Olivia and Teegan in the living room. They had agreed that Teegan could get out of the house on Sunday for a car ride, and she assumed that was what they were doing. As soon as she heard the door open and close she got up and logged onto her laptop. She was going through email when she found a response to her ad. She considered just deleting it, but curiosity got the better of her so she opened it.

Dear Lipstick,

I've never bottomed before and my last girlfriend was

A pillow Queen and wouldn't even consider it. I'm just

Looking for some fun and to get done. Pic is attached.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Butchy Bottom

Alex nervously clicked on the image and idly wondered if her virus software was up to date. While she clicked all the necessary buttons and waited for the image to open, she shoved thoughts of what she was doing out of her mind.

She gasped as she saw the image.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I heard you and mom last night."

Olivia looked over at her daughter. "You couldn't have heard much because there wasn't a lot being said."

"I heard enough. How come you and Mom never did get married? I mean, besides the fact it's not legal everywhere. You guys could have gone to Vermont or Boston or even to Jersey . New York would have to recognize the marriage."

Olivia sighed. She wasn't sure she wanted to have this conversation with anyone let alone their daughter. She didn't really have an answer.

"Teegan, this isn't really something I'm going to discuss with you."

"Chocolate dipped strawberries."

"What?"

"You should start wooing her back by stocking the fridge with chocolate dipped strawberries. Not long after you left us, she kept the fridge stocked for months with the things. The one day she stopped buying them."

Olivia did a quick glance at their daughter and then back at the road. She knew exactly why Alex had over dosed on strawberries. During their early courtship, she'd sent the blond a dozen on a whim. That had worked out particularly good for her and they'd started the tradition of a dozen dipped strawberries during the month of July. Somewhere along the way they'd stopped doing that and she wasn't sure why.

"Just what do you know about 'wooing'?"

Teegan crossed her arms. "I know you need to start doing it before another Janice comes along!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex stood in front of the mirror trying on her new toy and trying to figure out how it was all supposed to work together. She'd emailed the butchy woman back and they had a coffee date for later that day. While she had no intentions of sleeping with the woman on the first date, she did want to go 'in character' so to speak.

That meant figuring out how to wear the entire apparatus under her jeans, comfortably. She had logged onto the lesbian life site and while that had been somewhat helpful, it was still lacking. She was now viewing videos on YouTube. That was interesting to say the least.

She'd even invested in a pair of boy shorts earlier in the week on a whim, and now she was trying to get dressed and out of the house before Liv and Teegan got back. Finally satisfied with the result, she shut down the computer and left the house.

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia and Teegan arrived home to find a note from Alex saying she had gone out for some alone time. Teegan had been exhausted so Olivia had put her to bed and then carried in the groceries she'd bought complete with chocolate dipped strawberries.

She sat in the living room looking through old family photo albums and remembering her life with Alex and then their life with Teegan. She smiled as she came across the photo of Teegan missing her two front teeth. Further over in the album she began to come across photos of Teegan and Alex and Teegan taken over the last year. She realized just how much of their life she'd missed out on. She didn't want to miss out on any more.

She walked down the hall and looked into the bedroom she used to share with Alex and once again smiled as she saw the unmade side of the bed Alex slept on and the perfectly made side of the bed that had been hers. She also thought back to Alex's comment about doing Janice in the spare room. She smiled as she realized that probably meant the blonde had never slept with anyone in their bed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex saw the woman as soon as she entered the coffee shop and once again gasped at the resemblance to Olivia.

"Arlyn?"

"Alex?"

They both laughed nervously and finally sat down. After a few minutes of stilted conversation Arlyn finally broke the ice.

"Look, I have never done this before, have you?"

"Which part? The using Craigslist part, the casual sex part or the topping part?"

Arlyn shrugged. "All of it?"

Alex laughed. "No, me neither."

"So….we're virgins?"

"In a manner of speaking."

"Listen, Alex, I don't think this has to be something tawdry, do you? I mean, we are both consenting adults and we both want this with no strings, but we don't have to do it in a cheap manner, right?"

Alex smiled and nodded, warming to the woman across from her, while ignoring the little voice that kept whispering Arlyn was just a stand-in for Olivia.

They talked for another hour and even agreed to go on a pseudo date the next night. They were going to see a movie and they were each going to pay their own way, but it would give them a chance to get to know each other before 'getting' to know each other.

Alex left the coffee shop feeling better than she had in a long, long time. She kept the smile on her face all the way home and right up until she found the strawberries in the fridge and Olivia leaning against the door frame.

"You seem awfully happy. Any reason why?" She raised her eyebrows as she erroneously believed it was due to the strawberries.

Alex looked at the strawberries, then Olivia and back. She shut the door on the fridge without eating a strawberry and walked past the confused brunette.

"No reason. How'd Teeg do?"

Olivia scrambled to catch up to her. "Uh, she was good. She's sleeping now."

Alex stopped and looked directly at Olivia. "For the record Olivia, I no longer eat chocolate dipped strawberries." She stepped around Olivia and threw over her shoulder, "White chocolate dipped pretzels if you are so inclined to try and bribe me."


	18. Chapter 18

Alex and Arlyn left the movie theater laughing and walked down the street to a nearby coffee shop. They stepped inside and Alex froze as she saw her Serena and Archie having coffee in the back corner. She tensed and turned to Arlyn who was squinting in the direction of Serena and Archie.

"Do you know those people?"

Without turning around Alex nodded. She slowly turned and waved to them. She wanted to disappear or at the very least leave the coffee shop, but instead she took Arlyn by the hand and led her over to her friends. She made quick introductions before dragging Serena into the bathroom.

"You didn't see me here!"

Serena smiled. "Uh, yeah, I did." Serena sniffed. "She uh. She looks like this other brunette I know…."

"Shut up! This is all your fault."

"My fault? How is this my fault?"

"Put a listing in Craigslist. Well, I did and here it is. She is I mean."

"Alex, I wasn't serious! Have you slept with her?"

Alex straightened. "Not that it's any of your business, but no, I haven't. But I plan on it. I'm going to do her." She looked smug as she said the last part.

"Alex, God, this is so NOT you! You don't do casual sex and how is this going to get you back with Olivia?"

"Who said I wanted to get back with Olivia? Now, you didn't see me, us, here, ok?"

"Fine."

Alex and Serena left the single stall bathroom to find their dates looking rather confused. Alex took Arlyn's hand and led her out the door.

They ended up at a coffee shop in a local bookstore.

XXXXXXXXXXX

1 Week Later

Olivia watched her ex closely as she flitted about the kitchen humming. Humming! Her ex never hummed. Well, not unless…The thought hit Olivia right between the eyes and she sat up straight and took a closer look at Alex who had disappeared three times over the last week, coming home later each time. She'd told Olivia she had errands to run and things to take care of that had been left undone while Teegan was in the hospital. She'd also been dressing differently. Alex never wore jeans in the summer if she could get away with it. She was always a casual skirt or tennis shorts kid of girl, and she'd been wearing jeans, new, tight button fly jeans. Her fury grew as she realized Alex had to be dating. Dating! While their daughter was recovering from a serious illness!

"Liv? I'm going out for a little while. Do you mind to watch Teegan?"

"Huh? Where are you going?"

Alex looked at her. "Out. It's your day to watch her, but I thought I'd be nice and pretend to ask, ok?"

Olivia realized this would give her a chance to snoop, something her mind warned her against but she ignored.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Teeg and I'll be fine. Take your time."

Alex looked at her suspiciously but shook it off and hurried out the door. She was going to be late meeting Arlyn. They'd spent the week exchanging steamy emails and suggestive text messages and tonight they were meeting at a hotel in Jersey to 'do the deed.'

As soon as she was gone, Olivia did a quick check of Teegan, found her dead to the world and with only a moment of regret she went into what used to be their bedroom and fired up Alex's laptop. She frowned as she realized her ex had password protected her computer. Knowing that she used to use their combined birthdates as her password she tried that. She frowned when that didn't work. She began trying various combinations until Teegan's birthday finally gained her access.

She fired up the email client Alex used and began scanning her recent emails. Nothing jumped out and she was about to close out of the program when she noticed a folder labeled "topper" and clicked on it.

She was immediately sorry she had as she found the treasure trove of emails from Arlyn and Alex. She began reading them and as they became more sexually graphic she hated herself for becoming turned on by them. And then she thought about Alex stretched out on top of some woman who looked a lot like her and she began to get mad. She quickly logged off the computer and took several deep breaths. As she was about to leave the room she spied Alex's underwear drawer and noticed it was not shut all the way. She yanked it open and began feeling around for the dildo she'd found there before. She cursed when she realized it was gone.

"Damn you Alex! You should be doing that to me."

"Doing what OM ?"

Olivia was surprised to see her daughter standing in the doorway, rubbing her eyes.

"Uh, nothing baby. Let's get you back to bed, ok?"

"I'm hungry."

Olivia inwardly cursed. "Ok. I'll fix you a grilled cheese, ok?"

Teegan nodded and when Olivia brought it top her, she asked her other mother to read to her from one of the Twilight books. Olivia grimaced as she absolutely hated the books, but one look at her sick child melted her heart. She read to Teegan for an hour until the girl was sound asleep.

As she eased out of the room she turned her thoughts back to Alex and wondered what her ex was currently doing.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Alex and Arlyn were lying on the bed holding hands and talking and trying not to laugh at Alex's dildo that was still erect and covered in a drying condom.

Alex looked over at Arlyn. "How do you think men make it through their lives with these things?"

Arlyn laughed. "I don't know. I was always glad when I could pull mine off and tuck it away."

"You do have a point." She leaned over and began kissing Arlyn again. "I never told you but you look an awful lot like Olivia."

Arlyn took it in stride. "I figured as much when you called me Olivia not once, not twice but three times tonight."

Alex blushed. "Oh God! Arlyn, I am so sorry. How embarrassing."

Arlyn smiled at her. "You still love her." She shrugged. "Alex, we've always known what this is, was or what have you. You guys aren't done, ok?"

"Arlyn…."

Arlyn got out of bed and began dressing. "Alex, go finish it."

Soon they were both dressed and Alex gave Arlyn a deep kiss. They hugged and left the hotel room together.

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia was half asleep on the couch when she heard Alex come sneaking in the house. She rolled off the couch and stepped in front of a shocked Alex.

"Olivia. You scared me."

"Did you have fun Alex? Did you have fun out fucking Arlyn while I was home with our daughter?"

"You had no right!" Alex hissed and tried to step around Olivia.

Olivia caught her arm. "Answer me! Did you go to that hotel and fuck her? Top her?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because."

Alex put her hand on her hip. "Because? Because why?"

"You are the mother of my child. Besides, you as a top? Please."

Alex felt her face flush out of anger not embarrassment. "From what I hear you liked getting fucked by Archie!" She was hissing now.

Olivia opened and closed her mouth. She took a deep breath. "Yeah, I did, but that doesn't mean I want you out there fucking whatever comes along!"

Alex tried to step around Olivia again. The brunette grabbed her again and pulled her in close. She stared at the blonde for a full second before kissing her.

"I want you."

Alex's nostrils were flaring and she pushed Olivia backwards.

"Then you're going to get me Olivia."

She shoved her again and soon the brunette was fumbling backwards into the spare room.

"Why not our room?"

Alex chuckled. "There is no our room Olivia. There's MY room and the room I am currently letting you sleep in, got it? This is the room where I fuck guests. Got it?"

"Alex…."

"Shut up." Alex had yanked Olivia's boxers and panties down her hips and unbuttoned her own pants revealing her harness and dildo.

Olivia twitched at the sight of her former lover out of control and strapped up. She licked her upper lip and spread her legs in anticipation of what was to come.

"Please Alex…."

"Please what? Please fuck you? Don't worry, I'm about to."

She reached into her back pocket and pulled out the box of three condoms which was now down to two and soon to be one. She tore open the package and rolled the condom onto her shaft.

"Alex?"

"Given your recent escapades, I don't know where your pussy's been or what's been in it."

She shoved into Olivia and began kissing her with bruising force. She bit her ex on the neck and held her by the hair of the head as she pounded into her. Olivia wrapped her legs around Alex and moaned and groaned and grunted with each thrust, urging Alex on. She tried to reach between them, to touch Alex's clit but the blonde slapped her hand away.

"That's not yours any more. You have to earn that."

She shoved in and out of the brunette a few more times and sent her over the edge so hard she had to bite her own forearm to keep quiet. When she finally caught her breath she reached up to touch Alex's face.

"I…."

"Don't. I loved you Olivia. I lived with you and I loved you and I had a baby with you and you just walked away. And I've let you drive-by fuck me over the last year. No more. Now you get to see how it feels to be left behind like a paid for whore. See how it feels and then talk to me."

Alex stood upright and ripped the condom off and threw it down. She hurriedly tucked her tool back into her pants and hurried down the hall. She paused long enough to check on Teegan who was dead to the world. He went on into her bedroom and stripped. She opted to forego a shower and instead collapsed into bed where she slept like the dead for the first time in a year.

Olivia finally got the energy to move and found the box of condoms on the floor. She picked up the used one and realized there was one left in the box which meant Alex had used one earlier. She pushed that thought out of her mind and began thinking about how she was going to get her family back.


	19. Chapter 19

Three Days Later

Olivia and Alex had been distant and cool with each other ever since their coupling. Alex had been out of the house with Teegan the next morning for a follow-up doctor's appointment. By the time Olivia got up and moving, she was already an hour later for work.

Alex had cooked each of the next two nights, but refused to sit at the table with Olivia and Teegan. And she spent very little time in the same room with Olivia. She was both angry with the brunette and herself for losing control and going to bed with her ex yet again.

Teegan watched her mothers and tried to figure out what had happened because things seemed worse now than right before her mother's split up the first time.

"Teegan? It's Tuesday night. Are you up for the usual?"

Teegan's eyes lit up and she nodded. Olivia put the section of the paper down she was reading and looked curiously between mother and daughter. Alex bestowed a full watt smile onto their daughter.

"What usual?"

Alex spared Olivia a look and then addressed Teegan. "Why don't you tell OM what Tuesday nights are Teegan."

Teegan smiled at Olivia. "It's Chinese night! Me and Mom order Chinese take-out from Golden Palace complete with chopsticks and then we watch some old Fu Man Chu movie! Will you eat with us Om ? Please?"

Olivia looked over at Alex who simply stared back at her, giving nothing away. Part of her felt as though Alex were testing her and the other part feared she just didn't care.

"Alex? Is it ok with you because I'd really like to share in this with you guys."

Without looking up Alex took out the worn take out menu and handed it to Olivia. "We always get the sweet and sour chicken, fried rice, won ton soup and fortune cookies. Order whatever you want and then go pick it up. NetFlix delivered the latest bad Chinese movie in today's mail."

Alex turned and went into the bedroom to change into her lounge pants and a well worn t-shirt. When she came out Olivia was gone and Teegan was looking at her.

"What?"

Teegan crossed her arms. "What's going on with you and OM ? Are you guys doing it again?"

Alex faltered. "Doing what?"

Teegan rolled her eyes and sighed. "It! You know, 'it', sex!"

"Teegan Marie Cabot-Benson! Just what do you know about sex?"

"I know it makes people act funny and strange, and you and OM have really been acting funny and strange these last few days. And besides, OM was wearing a short sleeve mock turtle neck in July!" She slyly looked at her mother. "And I know OM wants you back."

Alex hesitated. "How do you know that?"

"Duh. She sort of told me."

"Oh." She was debating how to ask her daughter about Olivia when the subject of the discussion came walking through the door carrying their food.

Alex plopped the movie into the DVD player and they all started eating. Midway through, Alex stretched out on the couch and Teegan snuggled in front of her. Olivia watched as mother and daughter seemed to fit together perfectly and laughed and giggled at all the same antics in the movie. She suddenly felt like an outsider and quietly excused herself to the kitchen where she began cleaning up.

Digging around in the food bag, she found the bag of white chocolate dipped pretzels she'd bought at the bodega around the corner from the Golden Palace . She suddenly felt stupid and lost and very alone.

She was lost in thought and didn't hear Alex approach. She was startled when the blonde took the bag of pretzels out of her hand. She turned in time to see Alex opening the bag and plopping one in her mouth.

"Alex…."

"Shh. Don't ruin it by talking." She held a pretzel up to Olivia's mouth and the blonde fed it to her. Alex watched Olivia chew the pretzel and then ate one herself, her eyes locked with Olivia's.

"Where's Teeg?"

"She fell asleep. First time ever."

Olivia nodded. "How long have you guys been doing this? Chinese night?"

Alex shrugged. "Not long after you left. She was…upset one Tuesday night and on the spur of the moment I came up with this. We've done it almost every Tuesday since."

"Oh. That's good. I mean, I'm sorry she was upset, but it's good you found a way to help her through it."

Alex crossed her arms and leaned against the counter. "I've had to help her through a lot this past year Liv."

Olivia looked down, knowing she was the cause of their daughter's pain.

"I've really screwed up, haven't I?" She didn't even wait for Alex to acknowledge her statement. "Alex, if I could undo all the pain I've caused, I would, but we both know I can't.

Alex looked at her expectantly. "And?"

Surprised Olivia fumbled for something to say, finally settling on, "And? And I can't, but I do want my family back." She looked down, swallowed hard and then back up. "And I want you back." She stepped closer to Alex and leaned in to kiss her and the blonde stepped back.

"Not asking for much are you?" She watched Olivia's face falter and then gave her a half smile, half smirk. "Don't tell me what you want Olivia; show me."

"I thought that was what I was trying to do!"

Alex shook her head. "No, you were trying to get me into bed, where we've always been good. I want you to show me why I should even consider letting you back into my heart because you broke it last time Olivia and you won't break it again."

"How do I do that?"

Alex shrugged. "That's what you have to figure out Olivia." She leaned into Olivia and pulled the mock turtle neck away from her neck. She had a faint smile on her face as she spied the rather large hickey she'd given her ex. Without another word she turned and left the kitchen.


	20. Chapter 20

**Funny how put up or shut up has silenced the hecklers. Thank you for the reviews and PM's and for getting the story.**

Olivia was drumming her fingers on the table in the diner and looking out the window. Elliot and Munch looked at each other and rolled their eyes. With a silent understanding between them, Elliot dared to speak.

"You gonna tell us what's had you so twisted up the last few days or you just gonna keep drumming "Stairway to Heaven" all through lunch?"

She scowled at him. "I don't know "Stairway to Heaven." As for what's going on, you know I moved back into the house with Alex and Teegan, right?"

Elliot shook his head and Munch nodded. He looked at the older man. "How come you knew this and I didn't?"

"You're old and married. I'm just old and she's not-so-young and single."

Elliot creased his brow and shook it off. "No, I didn't know that, but that's good, right? You guys getting back together and all."

"But we aren't. Back together I mean. She's letting me stay there because Teeg is still recovering and needs us both. I had hoped to get her back because I finally realized I absolutely love her, and her alone."

Elliot looked skeptical. "Just now figured that one out, huh?" At her look he backed off. "Fine. What's the problem? She not want you back?"

"She says I have to show her what I want, which I thought I tried to do, but apparently that's not what she was saying."

Munch pushed his glasses up onto his nose. "You mean she didn't just fall back into bed with you and she wants you to actually earn her trust and love back outside the bedroom?"

Grudgingly she nodded. "And I don't know how to do that. I'm pretty sure flowers and candy just won't do." She looked at Elliot. "How'd you get Kathy back?"

He shrugged. "I had to show her which I did by my actions. You know, she asked me to be home at a certain time and I was. Those kinds of things. What's always been a beef Alex's had with you?"

"I…I'm not sure. I mean, we've always been pretty agreeable with each other."

Munch motioned with his eyes for Elliot to leave. As soon as he went to the bathroom Munch leaned in and spoke to her.

"You might want to start by going and getting tested Olivia. While you probably don't have anything, you might and I'd want to know you were clean as a whistle before even thinking about being with you."

She didn't even ask how he knew about her activities. She just swallowed, nodded and then quickly left the diner.

Elliot returned from the bathroom and looked in the direction of the door.

"Where's Liv?"

"Gone to take care of some business."

Elliot looked out the window and back at Munch.

"Anniversary's coming up."

"Yeah, I know."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia was currently on the exam table with her feet up in stirrups being poked and prodded. She'd had some blood taken and was now having a pelvic exam for STD's. She'd had to admit to risky sexual behavior and the disapproving look of the doctor after telling her she was a sex crimes cop.

"You should have your results by tomorrow but just in case, I'm starting you on a round of antibiotics. If you come up clean, discontinue them. If you don't come up clean, be ready to supply the names of all your recent sex partners."

She left the room and Olivia dressed. The brunette stopped to pick up the meds she'd been prescribed and opted to take the rest of the day off. As she drove home she kept thinking about what Elliot had said. She'd gotten tested and she decided she was going to cook for her family that night, but beyond that, she was at a loss on how to 'show' Alex what she wanted. She finally decided to have a talk with Teegan and see what wisdom her 12 year old might have.

Alex looked up from a case file she was working on as Olivia came through the door.

"Is everything ok?"

"Uh, yes. I just wanted to come home early so I did. If you need to do anything, feel free. My only plans are to cook tonight, unless you have other plans?"

Alex smiled. "No, that sounds nice. I do need to get this finished so if you don't mind I'm going to head out some place more quiet?"

Olivia nodded and told her to go. She checked in on Teegan who was watching a Scooby-Doo DVD.

" OM !"

"Hey Teeg. Mom's gone out to do some work and I'm going to be in the kitchen if you feel like joining me?"

The young girl got out of bed and slipped on her Sponge Bob house shoes and her robe and joined Olivia in the kitchen. She loved to watch her OM cook and sometimes help.

"Hey Teeg, that Chinese night thing was pretty cool the other night. Do you and Mom do anything else like that?"

Teegan shrugged. "Sometimes we do Italian night and she tries to make some pasta dish, but it usually doesn't turn out and we end up ordering pizza. You know Mom can't cook all that well. She talked about taking a cooking class, but she never did."

Olivia was intrigued and an idea started to take root in her mind. She smiled at Teegan and together they made stir fry. They were just setting the table as Alex came back.

"Is that stir-fry I smell?"

" OM made it! And I helped."

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia had shooed Alex out of the kitchen after dinner and had cleaned everything up herself. She told Alex to go spend time with Teegan and was surprised when 20 minutes later the blonde appeared in the kitchen.

"Dead to the world. I guess cooking really took it out of her."

Olivia smiled. "Like mother like daughter."

Alex frowned and threw a napkin at Olivia. "That's not very nice!"

Olivia was drying the wok. "But very true." They shared a laugh and for a moment it felt like old times. As their laughter subsided she stared at Alex.

"What?" The blonde's hand went to her mouth as if she might have some bit of food stuck to her face.

"You're even more beautiful now than the first time I laid eyes on you."

Alex was struck by the comment and colored slightly. "Thank you." She turned to leave the kitchen when Olivia's voice stopped her.

"Are you busy Friday night?"

"No. Why?"

"Can I…can I have Friday night? I have something I want to do with you."

Alex's heart skipped a beat. "Ok. Anything special I should do or wear?"

Olivia smiled and shook her head. "We'll actually be here Alex."

The blonde smirked. "I am not sleeping with you!"

Olivia shot back, "I didn't ask you to."

XXXXXXXXXX

Olivia glanced around before entering the clinic. She felt like had when she'd gone to the local Planned Parenthood clinic as a teenager to get birth control pills. As she finally stepped back into the clinic she idly wondered about Teegan and how fast their daughter was growing up. She made a vow to herself that Teegan would never have to sneak off to get birth control.

"Olivia Benson?"

Olivia stood up and made her way to the counseling area. She didn't think she had anything to worry about, but then again, you never knew.

"So…do I have anything?"

"Aside from a low iron count, no. You are clean. I would suggest you take an iron supplement for a while though or just start eating better. Living a better life style perhaps?"

Olivia shifted, once again feeling like a teenager.

"So noted. Can I have a copy of that report to share with…well I'm not sure what she is exactly, but I know what she was and what I want her to be again."

The nurse handed her a copy of her test results and a pack of dental dams.

XXXXXXXXXX

She made sure to get home before Alex and slipped her test results into an envelope and placed it on Alex's pillow. She then told the 17 year old neighbor girl who they had hired to stay with Teegan two days a week now that she seemed to be doing much better she could go home.

" OM ?"

"Yes baby?"

"You know what today is, right?"

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"Are you ok OM ?"

Olivia sat down on the edge of Teegan's bed. "I am now that I'm with you." She scooped her daughter up and held her tight.

"I still miss Uncle Fin."

"I do to baby."

"Are we going to his grave tonight?"

Olivia pulled back and looked at her. "Are you up for it?" Teegan nodded.

"OK. Get dressed and I'll leave your Mom a note."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Green Hills Cemetery

Elliot, Munch and Cragen were already gathered by the grave by the time Olivia and Teegan arrived. They all noted that Olivia and Teegan had arrived without Alex. In the two years since Fin's shooting death they had all gathered at his grave on the anniversary of his death, Alex included, even last year when her separation from Olivia was brand new. Her absence did not go unnoticed.

Teegan placed the flowers they'd stopped and bought on his headstone and started clearing the twigs and grass that had accumulated there. Olivia was deep in thought and didn't hear as Alex approached and silently slipped her hand into Olivia's.

Olivia turned to see warm and welcoming blue eyes looking at her.

"Sorry I'm late, but I had a last minute conference call to tend to."

"You haven't been home? You remembered on your own?"

Alex tilted her head and looked confused. "Yes Olivia, I remember that day as clearly as it was yesterday."

Olivia looked moved. "Thank you."

Alex nodded and then they all took turns sharing their favorite Fin story.

Afterwards Elliot, Munch and Cragen were all going to Fin's favorite bar for a drink. Cragen's was non-alcoholic of course. Alex looked at Olivia and silently asked her if she wanted to go. The brunette shook her head and gripped Alex's hand a bit tighter.

Alex made sure Teegan rode home with Olivia, knowing that the anniversary was tough on her ex. She beat Olivia and Teegan home having gotten a call from Olivia saying they were stopping for ice cream.

Once in her bedroom, she found the envelope on her pillow and opened it to reveal Olivia's test results. She smiled and tucked it away in her nightstand. As soon as she heard her girls enter the house, she went to find them, wanting to check on Olivia as well.

Olivia was tucking Teegan in who looked like she was already asleep. She watched the brunette taking such good care of their daughter and felt hopeful as she remembered the test results.

Olivia joined her in the living room for a glass of wine and then excused herself to bed. Alex wasn't far behind her but after getting ready for bed she thought about Olivia and what Fin's death meant to the brunette.

She opened Olivia's door and crept into the room. She carefully slid beneath the covers and wrapped her arms around the brunette.

"Alex?"

Alex smiled. "Well, I would ask who else you might be expecting, but given your recent escapades…."

"I'm sorry."

"Shh. I know how much Fin's death affected you, but Liv, it wasn't your fault."

"I signed off on that raid Alex. My first order as Sergeant and I got one of my own killed."

"It was good intl Liv. You had no reason to doubt the validity of it and it just happened."

Olivia's shoulders began to tremble and she turned in Alex's arms and the blonde held her while she cried. It was the first time Alex was aware the brunette had shed tears over Fin's death. And as she held Olivia she could almost pinpoint the exact moment things with her ex had begun to change. And it had all started with Fin's death two year's prior.


	21. Chapter 21

Olivia dropped Teegan off at Serena's house and hurried home to get everything ready for Alex. Her daughter had been very agreeable once Olivia confided in her what she had planned for Alex that night. And Serena had graciously given up a night with Archie to keep Teegan for a couple of hours, knowing how Alex felt about her lover.

Olivia hurried home and got everything ready and called Alex who was around the corner. The blonde had secretly been atingle all day at Olivia's cryptic hints about their evening. After holding the brunette all night and letting her cry like she never had, the two women had been closer the last two days. Nothing had really changed between them on the outside, but inwardly each women felt a little more at ease with each other.

As soon as Alex stepped through the door Olivia greeted her and ushered her down the hall and into the bedroom.

"I told you I wasn't going to sleep with you Olivia!"

The brunette smiled. "And I didn't ask you too!"

"Then what…."

"I want you to change into something comfortable and then meet me in the kitchen."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

As she made her way down the hall she opened Teegan's door and found her room empty.

"Where's Teeg?" She stopped talking as she saw the kitchen counter cluttered with different bags of food. "And what is all of this?"

"She's spending a couple of hours with Serena. Just Serena and she'll be home by 8. As for this, well Teeg says you try to have Italian night and make a pasta dish, but that you usually end up ordering pizza."

Alex made a face. "She needs to keep quiet."

Olivia smiled. "No, she doesn't. I'm going to teach you how to make shrimp scampi." She picked up a skillet and showed it to Alex. "And I even bought you your own skillet!"

Alex looked skeptical, but took the heavy cookware into her hand.

"Well, if nothing else it makes a good deadly weapon."

Olivia smirked. "By your cooking or by your swinging it!"

Alex shook the skillet at her. "Are you going to show me or not?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia flitted about the kitchen taking Alex through the entire process of cooking, step-by-step. She'd even stood behind the blonde and helped her with the entire toss maneuver. And she'd told her, her super secret tip for not having your pasta clump together; put in just a tiny drop of vegetable oil while it's boiling.

Olivia took a sniff. "Oh, it smells good."

"Really? You think it's going to be ok to eat?"

Olivia gave her a gentle smile. "You did a great job Alex. I'm going to have Serena bring Teeg home early so we can go ahead and eat."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Serena dropped their daughter off and she sniffed the air as she walked through the house.

"Mom? You cooked this?"

Alex smiled. "With some help from OM. "

Teegan smiled and hugged her mother.

They sat down to eat and Teegan ate more than she had in quiet some time. Both of her mother's noticed and Alex felt a surge of pride at having finally cooked something her daughter seemed to really enjoy.

"Can I play with my video games?"

Both women looked at each other and Olivia deferred to Alex. She finally nodded and Teegan ate the rest of her dinner and tried to hurry them through clean-up.

Alex finally told both of them to go on and start playing, that she could finish clean-up.

She found mother and daughter playing a spirited tennis game. She sat down in the chair opposite them and realized that Olivia was laughing, really laughing for the first time in a long time.

"I bet Mom could beat you OM !"

"Yeah, right."

"Seriously!"

Alex felt the challenge and snatched Teegan's controller out of her hands.

"Game on!"

An Hour Later

Both women were rolling on the floor laughing. Teegan was next to them trying not to laugh too hard as well. Alex and Olivia had played several games with Olivia finally resorting to cheating to win the deciding game. She'd cheated by poking Alex in the ribs and causing her to drop her controller. Alex had retaliated by launching a full fledge tickle fest on her ex.

As the laughter died down, Teegan began to yawn and Olivia signaled to her that is was time to go to bed. She went in to tuck her in while Alex went to get her a glass of water and a dose of medicine.

Teegan smiled at Olivia. "I think it went well OM !"

Olivia ruffled her hair and smiled at her. "Me too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex found Olivia cleaning up the living room, something the brunette had never been good at doing. She settled into one end of the couch and watched Olivia as she picked up and put up.

The brunette eventually settled in beside her and they grew silent.

Alex reached out and covered Olivia's hand with her own. She worried with her upper lip before speaking.

"What?"

"That's the most I've seen you laugh since Fin died."

Olivia swallowed hard and teared up. "He was a good friend and I've felt responsible for his death. For Kenneth's pain. They'd just reconciled after all those years."

Alex touched her arm. "Liv, you know it wasn't your fault. But what else has made you…sad? I know you and Fin were close, but Liv, this last year? The year before you moved out? What's it all been about?"

Olivia shook her head. "I…I don't want to talk about this, ok?"

Alex didn't want to ruin the mood so she simply nodded.

Shortly thereafter Olivia went to bed. As she was leaving the bathroom, Alex stopped her and gave her a kiss on the cheek and smiled at her.

Olivia was left touching her cheek and watching Alex walk down the hallway.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Saturday Morning

Munch squinted as he opened the door and wasn't surprised to find Olivia waiting on him.

"Come on in. I've been expecting you."


	22. Chapter 22

**I wasn't going to post again in light of the Newtown, CT tragedy, however, maybe in some very small way this can distract/lift the spirits of some. Such a horrible tragedy.**

"What do you mean you've been expecting me?"

Munch waved her on in and slowly shut the door behind her. Without speaking he moved down the hall and pointed toward the living room as he turned into the kitchen and began making coffee. Several minutes later he handed Olivia a mug of coffee and sat down on the couch with his own mug.

"I refuse to discuss anything until I've had my cup of morning coffee."

She took a few sips of her own mug and waited while the caffeine worked it's way through Munch's veins.

"You and Alex have been apart about a year now, right?" Olivia nodded. "And right about two weeks ago or so you decided that maybe you'd made a mistake, right?" Again she nodded. "Typical."

"Typical?"

"Yep. You've done what all idiots who leave their mates do; you've finally gotten your head out of your ass. I left my first wife and about a year later I realized what a horrible mistake I'd made. I wanted her back, but she'd already moved on. When there's not precipitating factor for a breakup like cheating, abuse, etc., this is what happens. Question is, does Alex still want you?"

Olivia looked nervous but finally nodded. "I think so. She told me to show her I wanted her back instead of just saying it, but I don't understand that. I mean, am I supposed to wine and dine her or what?"

Munch laughed. "Olivia, you two are well past the wine and dine era. You are at the showing her you are serious by making changes and movement toward her era. You have a lot to atone for. Have you done anything to try and "show her?"

Olivia relayed the cooking lesson from the night before and Munch gave her a thumb's up for her effort and asked how she planned on following it up.

"I don't know! That's why I came to see you!"

"Well don't make it grandiose. Keeping it simple like the cooking lesson is the way to go. It's effective yet subtle. She won't feel obligated to make a big deal out of it like she would if you did some big gesture."

"Oh that was helpful!"

Munch stood up, signaling the conversation was over. He showed her to the door, wished her luck and then sent her out into the jungle of love on her own.

She racked her brain all day trying to figure out another way to show Alex how much she wanted her family back. And suddenly she knew just what she needed to do. The bigger question was whether or not she could do it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex had been surprised to find Olivia already up and gone the next morning. She had left a note saying only that she would be gone for a while. Alex had seen to Teegan and then started working on some files before checking her email. She found an email from Arlyn and clicked on it.

Alex,

Hope all is well and that you and Olivia

Are back on track. Please stay in touch as

I enjoy talking to you.

Arlyn

Alex immediately responded asking the woman if she wanted to get together for coffee the next day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Saturday Night

Olivia had milled about the city the rest of the day before heading home that evening. She swallowed hard as she entered the house and found Teegan asleep on the couch and could hear Alex on the phone. She checked on their daughter and then made her way into the kitchen where Alex was just finishing up a call with Serena.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself."

They stood looking at each other and finally Olivia moved toward Alex, her arms open. The blonde accepted her and held her until she was able to speak.

"I've been afraid Alex. After Fin died I was afraid."

"Of what Olivia?"

"Getting hurt."

Alex gave her a gentle smile. "Baby, you're a police officer. I think it's natural to fear getting hurt."

Olivia shook her head. "Not physically Alex." She pulled away from the blonde. "It hurt more than I ever thought it could when Fin died. Hell the first time I thought you died it hurt and we weren't even together then. We didn't have a home, a child or even a first date! I started thinking about how it would feel if I lost you guys? Or how you might feel if you lost me?"

Alex sighed. "Liv…this is why you started shutting me out? Left me and our child?"

Olivia shrugged. "Yeah. I didn't want to get hurt or cause hurt."

Alex shook her head. "Silly woman, don't you know that I will always love you? That even if I'm dead and gone, Teegan will be left behind and she adores you. So this brilliant plan you had to push us away and make us not love you, it was doomed to fail. And what if something had happened to you Olivia? It would have hurt more because you'd have gone with us apart as a family and asking why."

"I…I didn't think of that."

Alex let a tiny smile play at her lips. "No my love, you didn't. It's one of your lesser charms." She kissed Olivia on the cheek and left the kitchen.

Alex left Olivia to get Teegan to bed and the retreated to her room where she caught up on some paperwork and contemplated Olivia's admission. A soft knocking on her door brought her out of her fog and she opened it to find Olivia standing on the other side.

"Liv?"

"I uh, I just wanted to say good night. And to see if you wanted to do anything tomorrow?"

"Oh. I have plans tomorrow Olivia. I was going to see if you'd mind staying with Teegan in the early afternoon?"

Surprised, Olivia managed to nod and went to her bedroom. She lay in bed that night wondering about Alex's plans and trying to quell her oft discussed jealousy of Alex. And as she laid thinking about the blonde's plans, she realized this was another opportunity to show Alex she wanted her family back, as hard as it may be.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Sunday Afternoon

Olivia was finishing the last of the Sunday paper after having made Teegan take a nap when Alex came walking through the house dressed for her date. Olivia snuck glances at her ex and noted she was wearing tight jeans, and a tight fitting shirt that accentuated her breasts beautifully. She felt her anger begin to boil as the thought of just where Alex might be going came to her. She checked it and managed to smile at the blonde.

"You look good Alex. Have fun." It killed her to say the words.

Alex searched her face for any signs of jealousy and was silently thrilled when she saw the tiniest flicker of anger in the brunette's eyes. Through the years Olivia had been possessive and jealous where Alex was concerned and while it had never been a major problem between them, it had caused more than a little rift on occasion. However, she was glad to see that her ex was still jealous, and that more importantly she seemed to be holding it in check.

"Thanks Liv. I'll be back in a couple of hours."


	23. Chapter 23

Alex arrived at the coffee shop and wasn't surprised to see that it was right across the street from a hotel. While neither woman had discussed a possible coupling, both were aware it was a very real option. She found Arlyn waiting for her and they kissed on the cheek.

"So how goes it with Olivia?"

"Better. She's making an effort like I asked and opening up some. She's always been pretty guarded about certain aspects of her life, so this is a big deal for her."

Arlyn was surprised. "How long were you two together?"

Alex laughed. "15 years. And yes, she still kept some things private. Some of what she has to see on the job and how it affects her." Alex shrugged. "And I did the same thing when I was bureau chief. Trust me, it's better that way."

"So…I guess you guys are on the road to recovery?"

"I hope."

Arlyn nodded. "Well I guess that means we won't be getting naked today." She snapped her fingers.

"Actually it doesn't mean that at all." She stood up and held out her hand to the other woman.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia couldn't help it and rationalized she was making sure Alex was safe by snooping through her drawer and looking for her strap-on. She wasn't quite sure how exactly she might be keeping Alex safe, but it worked for her. What didn't work for her was discovering that yes, her ex had left the house looking hot and packing. Her first reaction was to load her gun and hunt down whomever Alex was more than likely having sex with, but her calmer, more rational self opted for deep breathing and pacing.

She finally calmed down and decided this would be a good opportunity to show Alex whatever it was she needed to see so they could get back together.

She spent the rest of the afternoon watching TV with Teegan who fell asleep more than once as they watched a marathon of old Top Chef reruns. As the afternoon wore on, she finally gave up on Alex coming back in time for dinner and ordered pizza for her and Teegan.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex Cabot was currently lying in bed, naked with a woman who wasn't Olivia and trying not to be embarrassed.

"Arlyn, I'm sorry. I can't believe I've done this to you twice!"

Arlyn chuckled. "It's ok Alex. I didn't really expect us to do anything."

Alex looked at her. "You didn't?"

Arlyn picked up Alex's harness by one of it's straps. "You didn't even bring condoms this time."

"You don't have to hold it like it has cooties!" She tried to snatch it out of the brunette's hands.

Arlyn moved it away from her. "Now, now Alex, I don't know where all it's been."

Alex finally snatched it away from her. "It's only been in Olivia!" Realizing what she'd said, she blushed a deep crimson color.

Arlyn laughed and then kissed her on the cheek. "It's ok Alex."

Alex turned her back on Arlyn and whispered, "No it's not. It was…almost violent. Not like it should have been; like I wanted."

Arlyn wrapped her up in an embrace and held her. She whispered soothing words to Alex who soon relaxed.

"Arlyn?"

"Yes?"

"Can…can we just lay her and you hold me for a little while? Please?"

Arlyn snuggled more securely into her and soon they both drifted off to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex found Olivia putting Teegan to bed. She popped her head in and spent a few minutes with their daughter and then both women left the room. She half expected, half hoped Olivia would grill her on where she'd gone.

She followed Olivia into the kitchen and snagged a piece of left over pizza.

"I didn't mean to be so late."

Olivia brushed her reply off. "No problem. I hope you enjoyed your time away today." There was no sarcasm or malice in her words or tone.

Alex nodded. "I had a nice time."

They stood starring at each other in the middle of the kitchen. Finally Olivia walked over to Alex and pulled her into a fierce hug. There was no mistaking the bulge in her pants and Alex panicked as she realized Olivia could feel it.

It took everything Olivia could muster to keep her jealousy in check, but somehow she managed.

"I'm glad you did Alex. You've done most of the heavy lifting for the last year." She pulled back and kissed the blonde on the cheek. "I left you something in your room." She released Alex and hurried down the hall and into her bedroom.

Shocked by Olivia's response or lack thereof, Alex went to see what the brunette had left for her. She found a manila envelope on her bed and picked it up. As she pulled out the documents she was confused at first and then her heart swelled.

She quickly changed, showered and then went to Olivia's room. Without knocking she opened the door, catching Olivia by surprise. She quickly pulled her hand out from under the covers and gasped, "Alex!"

The blonde smirked. "Busy Olivia?"

"Uh…uh…do you need something?"

Alex, who was naked beneath the thin, short night gown she was wearing, walked over to the bed and slid beneath the covers.

In a low, husky voice she murmured, "Turn onto your side, away from me."

Olivia did as she was told and soon had Alex's body pressed against her back.

"Do you have a little problem Olivia?"

"Uh…" She decided to just be honest. "Yes, I do. I know you went out today and were wearing that…thing and it kind of turns me on."

Curious, Alex nipped her ex's earlobe and purred, "Even though I was wearing it for someone else?"

"…Yes."

"Hmmm. Interesting."

"I…I can't help it. I…."

Whatever she was about to say was lost as Alex slipped her hand down Olivia's panties and began stroking the brunette. She began whispering things to Olivia and urging her on by slipping two fingers inside her and stroking. Finally she brought Olivia over the edge and then held her from behind as she came down.

Olivia tried to turn over. "Your turn."

"No, no."

"Why?"

"You still haven't earned it Olivia. You're closer, but not quite."

She placed a kiss on the brunette's shoulder and removed her hand from her panties.


	24. Chapter 24

As she awoke, Olivia became momentarily panicked as she realized she wasn't in bed alone and then she remembered the night before and settled down. She lay there listening to the even rise and fall of Alex's breathing and tried to sort out everything she was feeling.

"What are you thinking?"

She didn't bother trying to turn over to face the blonde.

"How'd you know I was awake?"

"I've had lots of practice through the years watching you sleep; I know when you are and when you aren't. Now tell me."

"You, Teegan, us. Last night."

"What about last night?"

Olivia took her time before she answered.

"I…I like you in control. Sexually."

"Hmmm. Would you like it if I used my toy on you?"

Olivia didn't need to answer; her sharp intake of breath told Alex all she needed to know. She opted to let it slide for now and to ask a question of her own.

"I saw the papers. Why now?"

This time Olivia did roll so that she could look at Alex as they talked.

"It's been that way since Teegan was born."

Alex was surprised. "I thought your life insurance went to Simon?"

"No. Not after you got pregnant with Teegan." She looked down. "Not that it really matters with your money."

"Olivia!"

"It's true Alex. We both know that $50,000 would just barely pay for high school at St. Claire's. And with that iron clad trust fund your mother set up for her and the money you inherited when your mother passed away, well, what's 50k?"

"First of all Olivia, my mother left that money to US, not just me. And we always lived on our salaries, not any money I may have inherited." At Olivia's look she relented. "Ok, but we both agreed Teegan's education came first and it's not like there are any great public schools around here." She studied the brunette's face. "Why did you wait so long to tell me?"

Olivia shrugged. "Because of everything I just said. I mean Alex, really, that little sum of money? I just figured it'd be a nice surprise if anything ever happened to me."

Alex was alternately frustrated and touched by her ex's words.

"Liv…it's not the amount that matters, it's that you wanted to provide for our daughter!" She shook her head. "And to think I bought all of your rationalizations when you told me you'd made Simon your beneficiary! I just assumed you were being straight with me."

"Alex, I can't…I can't give Teegan the things you can."

"Olivia, you give her the thing she needs most; You!"

"Well I haven't done a very good job of that lately have I?"

Alex was honest. "No, you haven't. Five minutes here, an occasional sleepover there, it hasn't worked for her Olivia."

"I know. I've been completely stupid and a total ass." She started to say more but stopped.

"What?"

Olivia shook her head. "Later, ok? We both need to get ready for work."

XXXXXXXXXX

That Night

Alex arrived home later than usual as she'd gotten held up on a call from the UK . She found Olivia in the kitchen cooking and a large bar of white chocolate and a bag of pretzels on the counter. At her raised eyebrow Olivia just smiled and shrugged. Alex let her know she was going to change.

Some time later Alex found Olivia watching Teegan from her doorway. The girl was dead to the world, legs strewn in opposite directions and her head barely visible under the covers. Alex rested her chin on Olivia's shoulder.

"She sleeps like you do."

Olivia smiled. "Yeah, she does." She bit her lower lip. "Hey Alex, how come we never had any other children?"

Alex turned the brunette so she could see her face.

"Because you didn't want another one?"

Olivia looked confused. "I thought you didn't want another one? That maybe you didn't want to have more with me?"

Alex shook her head. "No Olivia. I would have had as many as you wanted. I couldn't ask for a better co-parent than you."

Olivia shook her head. "I don't think we've communicated very well on some of the big stuff Alex."

The blonde smiled. "We seem to get the little day to day things right and the sex part right, but the big, huge things? Maybe not so much."

"Talking about sex in front of your kid is child abuse! And I'm glad I'm an only child!"

They both turned and found Teegan watching them, a scowl on her face.

Alex gave Olivia a kiss on the cheek. "Let's go have dinner."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia had put Teegan to bed early that night, which the younger version of Alex fought until Olivia told her she had something planned for Alex.

"I'm only going to bed this early to help you out!"

Olivia ruffled her hair and told her good night. She'd left Alex in the kitchen with strict instructions to stay away from the stove. She was pleased to find the blonde right where she'd left her.

"Alex, would you like to help me make white chocolate covered pretzels?"

Alex's eyes twinkled. "I can do that."

She watched Olivia move about the kitchen melting the bar of chocolate and testing the temperature. She even stole a pretzel or two for which the brunette swatted at her.

Olivia watched as Alex was intensely concentrating on dipping her pretzel and getting just the right amount of chocolate on it. She had just the tip of her tongue sticking out as she gently turned and dipped the pretzel. Just as she was about to put it on the wax paper, Olivia stuck her finger right in the middle of it, messing it up.

"Olivia!" Alex's face flushed with anger.

Olivia was laughing at the blonde and offered her, her chocolate covered finger tip. She was surprised when Alex took the digit into her mouth and thoroughly cleaned it. Her mouth fell open at the sensations the lick had stoked within her.

Alex pulled back and smiled at her before leaning in and capturing her lips in a sound kiss. Olivia took Alex's had in her hands and they dueled for several minutes before the blonde pulled back.

"Talk to me about Fin."

"Uhn? Fin? You want to talk about Fin right now?"

"If you want any more kisses, then yes, we'll talk about Fin. Now."


	25. Chapter 25

** I hope this chapter gives you a little break from reality. And Eva Martinez, it's going to be ok, I promise. This story was written 3yrs ago, but yes, I pretty much know my story from beginning to end when I start writing, and try to have enough stocked up before I start posting in the event I am not finished with the story.  
**

Each woman was seated on opposite ends of the couch, legs crossed Indian style. Alex was content to let Olivia speak first. For her part Olivia was confused by the turn of events and unsure of what the blonde expected from her.

"I already told you I feel guilty about Fin's death and that prompted me to the misguided notion that if I left you guys, I'd spare everybody the pain of one day losing me, like I lost Fin. So what else do you need to know?"

"What else do you need to tell me Liv? I refuse to believe you've been that…insecure in our relationship all these years."

"But I have! Alex, we never had a formal arrangement between us; You never gave me any indication you ever wanted one. That you wanted to spend the rest of our lives together!"

Alex tilted her head. "And I could say the same about you Olivia. I knew your reputation for not committing. How you're married to the job. I was happy to just have you the way I did. I didn't think you were able to give me more. That you didn't want to, and oddly, that was ok with me. I understood about the job."

Olivia was exasperated. "Alex! If you'll recall I'm the one who wanted us to buy this house! Wasn't that some sort of commitment on my part?"

Alex considered what she'd said. "Yes, I suppose it was and it was enough for me. Or at least I told myself it was. And Liv, I'm the one who brought up the idea of having a baby."

Olivia was now up, pacing in the living room. "And I whole heartedly agreed with you! I adore Teegan and I loved the fact that you wanted to have a baby with me!"

Now Alex stood and blocked Olivia's path, forcing her to look at the blonde.

"Then why didn't you tell me you wanted another child?"

Olivia shrugged. "Because of what I said earlier, and because you had such a long and painful labor. I…I didn't know if you'd go through that for me again. Hell, I wasn't even sure I should ask you to."

"Well, I would have Olivia. That's all water under the bridge now." She sat down on the couch and tugged on Olivia's hand, pulling her down with her. "Baby, I'm sorry you've felt so insecure all this time."

Olivia lay down on the couch and placed her head in Alex's lap.

"I didn't always feel that way Alex. It just sort of cropped up after Fin's death." She swallowed hard and Alex could tell she was working up to saying something. "Alex?"

"Yes?"

"Alex, I've been depressed."

Alex ran her hands through Olivia's hair, stroking her in a soothing way.

"Baby, that's normal. You lost a dear friend..."

"No! I've been really depressed. Officially depressed." Olivia was struggling to set up.

Alex furrowed her brows, trying to figure out what exactly she meant.

"Officially? Do you mean clinically?"

Olivia looked uncomfortable as she nodded. "Yeah, ok, clinically." She cut her eyes at Alex. "Uh, remember about six months ago when I told you I was going undercover?" Alex nodded. "Well, I wasn't exactly undercover."

"Just where were you for 7 days?"

Olivia began to fidget with her hands, still not looking at Alex. "I uh, well, uh, I was trying to get some rest. Help. I was trying to get some help. I checked into a facility. You know I had to get mandatory counseling after Fin was shot. Well, I kind of started seeing somebody again after we split up. She suggested I start on meds, but so far I've refused."

"Liv? Why would you refuse? And does anybody else know about this?"

Olivia shook her head. "No. I took vacation time and I'm not seeing anybody through the department. I've done all I can to keep it out of my record." She finally managed to look at Alex and instead of seeing the disapproval she'd feared, she found love and compassion.

"Liv, I never knew things were so bad for you."

"I didn't want you to know."

Alex knew her ex had strong feelings about the mental health field and wasn't surprised by her reaction. Her first priority was to make sure Olivia was doing all she could to get better.

"Liv, you have to take the meds. If not for yourself then please do it for me and Teegan. She deserves to have a healthy mother."

Olivia rubbed her eyes and sighed. "I know that Alex, but I can't take the meds without it going on my record."

Alex bit back her frustration and anger. "Liv, what's more important? Your daughter or your job?" She left herself out of the equation because in her mind she knew where she would fall.

"You. More than any of it, more even than Teegan, you Alex. Teegan will grow-up and have her own life, one day I'll retire and not have the job any longer, but you...I've never seen a future that didn't have you in it. Even when you were gone."

Alex fought to hold back her tears. "If you really mean that Liv, then you have to take whatever meds they suggest because I won't be with somebody who refuses to do everything in their power to be healthy."

"If it means we'll have another chance Alex, I'll do whatever it takes."

"I want you to do this for yourself first Liv."

Olivia nodded and then hugged Alex. She got up and proceeded down the hall until she got to her room. She went inside and got ready for bed. She was surprised when her door opened and then shut. She turned just in time to see Alex approaching. The blonde slid beneath the sheets and held Olivia as the brunette finally let her tears fall.

"Liv, have you ever thought about hurting yourself?"

"Yes."

"And so you left." Alex held her ex tighter and stroked her back.


	26. Chapter 26

3 Weeks Later

Alex was in the middle of reviewing a legal brief when her assistant buzzed her to let her know Olivia had come to see her. She was surprised and a tad worried. In the last three weeks Olivia had started taking an anti-depressant. As such, she'd been removed from the field and was desk bound something Alex knew she hated, but was actually trying to make a go of being a desk jockey.

They'd had Chinese night a couple of times and Italian night twice with Olivia helping Alex fix various dishes. Teegan was getting stronger and not as prone to falling asleep at odds times as she had been. They'd even allowed some of her friends over, something Olivia had happily agreed to until a very tall boy showed up on their door step with flowers for Teegan.

As for their relationship, Alex spent most nights sleeping with Olivia in the guest room. They hadn't been intimate, almost by mutual agreement. It was as if they were getting to know each other again, and truth be told, Alex was enjoying it.

"Send her in." Unconsciously she fiddled with her hair and adjusted her glasses.

"Hey." Olivia was looking worried and slightly rumpled a look she only ever wore during a big case.

"Everything ok?"

"No." The brunette walked further into the office and stood before Alex, shifting her weight from foot to foot. "We need to talk."

Alex swallowed hard and nodded, afraid of what was about to come. She stood and motioned for Olivia to join her on the couch. The same couch they'd been intimate on a few months ago.

"What's wrong?"

"Next week is the first of the month and my lease is up on the house. The landlord called me to see if I was going to renew."

Alex nodded. "Ah. And you want to know if you should or not? Where we stand?"

Olivia nodded. "I really want to come home Alex. Really home."

Alex nodded and considered what Olivia had said.

"I want you to come home too Olivia, but I need a little time to work this out in my head, ok?"

Olivia looked slightly disappointed but nodded in understanding.

"Ok. So…I'll see you tonight?"

"Yes. Tonight."

XXXXXXXXXX

Lunch

"So Olivia wants to come home for good?" Serena was talking as she perused the menu.

"That's what she said and frankly I want her to come home too."

Serena, having decided on what to eat, put her menu down looked at Alex and shrugged. "So let her come home."

"It's not that easy. I don't want what we had; I want what we should have had. And I still have a few questions I need answered."

Serena placed her arms on the table and looked Alex straight in the eyes. "Archie."

"Yes, Archie. The fact that she wanted to be with a man, or close to it, bothers me."

"Why?"

Alex sighed. "Because that's the one thing I can't give her. Dick."

"You've got a strap-on, use it on her."

Alex's face colored and she ducked her head. "I already did. Once."

Serena smiled. "So what's the problem?"

"I…I don't want to talk about this any more."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia had met Munch for lunch and afterwards they took a walk to the park.

"You already know the answer to this Olivia. You know what you have to do, what you want to do."

"I know John. I just…what if she decides against getting back together with me?"

"You need to make it worth her while to get back with you. Make her an offer she can't refuse."

"Let's go then."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Teegan had spent the entire afternoon watching her parents. They were both acting weird and trying not to look at each other. She had the distinct feeling they needed to talk and decided she'd help them out.

" Om ? Mom? I think I'm going to go to my room and rest some. I might call Todd if that's ok?"

She was already half way down the hall and missed the look of fear that crossed Olivia's face at the mention of the flower boy. Alex however had caught it and couldn't help but smile.

"She's growing up Liv. Boys are a part of that."

"I don't like it. She's only 12. I don't want to think about some boy pressuring her into having sex."

"Would it be different if it were a girl?"

"No. My daughter isn't having sex until she's 30."

Alex laughed and grabbed Olivia and pulled her into a hug.

"I love you."

They both grew quiet and time stood still as Alex contemplated kissing Olivia. Decision made, she leaned in and captured the brunette's lips. They kissed for several long moments until finally Olivia pulled away.

"Marry me."

Alex gave a slight shake or her head and looked at Olivia.

"No."


	27. Chapter 27

**Folks, we are in the home stretch. 3 more chapters and the epilogue. Thank you for the reviews.**

Olivia felt as if the floor had fallen out from under her. Her stomach suddenly felt queasy and her mouth was dry. She tried to back away from Alex but the blonde reached out and stopped her.

"Alex please...this is embarrassing enough. I'll be out by tomorrow afternoon."

"Liv...Liv!"

The brunette was trying to pull away from the blonde and getting nowhere. Alex had a death grip on her arm. Olivia finally met blue eyes with tears in her own.

"Alex please." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

The blonde took her face into her hands and kissed her.

As they separated Alex gave her a smile and whispered, "Shut-up and listen for once."

"Just let me go, please!"

"No! I want to marry you Olivia, but not yet."

Confused Olivia finally relented. "But you said no."

"Yes, I said no, but that doesn't mean I want you to move out. It doesn't mean I never want to marry you."

"Then what does it mean? I bought a ring and everything!"

Alex smiled at Olivia. "It means I still have some issues about your recent...activities that I need to work through."

"Oh."

Alex took a step closer to Olivia. "Can I see the ring?"

Olivia shook her head. "No. Uh, it can wait." She swallowed hard. "So...what issues do you have?"

Alex gave her a sly smile. She pulled her in for a deeper kiss. "Go get in bed."

"Alex?"

Alex leaned in and whispered into Olivia's ear, "I want to give you something. Something I know you like."

Olivia's mouth opened and closed several times. "...Ok." She finally got her voice back. "Teegan?"

Alex smiled at her and stroked her cheek. "It'll be ok. She's either napping or chatting with Todd."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia was slowly removing her clothes, thinking about what had just happened and what might be happening. She smiled as she thought about finally getting to make love to Alex again. Her body began to react and soon she was between the sheets, her hand grazing the coarse hair between her legs.

Down the hall Alex had peeked in on Teegan and found their daughter sound asleep. She cut the light off and pulled the door shut. She went into her bedroom and started undressing. She slipped into her outfit and grabbed everything she'd need. She took a moment to look at her reflection in the mirror. She hoped she'd have the courage to go through with this.

She paused outside the door to Olivia's room and took a deep breath. Dusk had just started to settle in and she was grateful that the room would be mostly dark. She turned the knob and pushed the door open.

Olivia could only see the silhouette of Alex and she could tell the blonde was wearing something short and frilly. She resumed stroking herself as the blonde strode toward her.

"Stop touching yourself. The only hand that's going to touch you is mine." She set something on the nightstand and crawled into bed with the brunette who was completely captivated by what was happening.

Olivia reached for her and Alex shook her head. "No." She moved over Olivia and let her feel the strap-on.

Olivia drew in a sharp breath. "Alex? Are you..."

Alex nodded and captured the brunette's lips. "I want to be in you just as much as you want me in you." She kissed Olivia again. "I love you." She reached for the bottle of lube.

"You don't need that."

Alex stalled. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't. Trust me."

Olivia saw the flash of hurt in Alex's eyes and realized what the blonde was thinking.

"Alex, no. Don't think what you're thinking. You're not going to hurt me because I'm dripping wet for you. Only you."

Alex nodded and positioned the tip of her tool at Olivia's entrance. She had a sudden pang of uncertainty and fear of not doing it right.

"Alex?" Olivia was afraid the blonde was thinking about her with Archie.

Hearing the question in her lover's voice gave Alex the determination she needed to push into Olivia. She swallowed hard as she watched Olivia's face and heard the sigh that escaped her. She began a slow rhythm in and out of the brunette who was gripping the sheet and thrusting her hips. Alex began to relax as she became more comfortable in her movements.

She leaned down and whispered, "Put your legs around me." Olivia complied and Alex felt a thrill at having the brunette's legs locked around her.

Alex continued pushing into Olivia, whispering to her and kissing her. With a final push Olivia let out a long, low moan. Her legs fell away from Alex and her breathing was labored. When she opened her eyes she saw Alex looking down at her. She reached up and tried to lower the strap on Alex's camisole. Alex shook her head.

"Alex..."

"Was I better than Archie?"

Even as the words left her mouth she hated herself for asking. For needing to know.

"Please answer me."

Olivia saw the look in Alex's eyes. She reached up and touched Alex's lips.

"When I was with Archie, I pretended it was you. I even called out your name...Alex." She swallowed. "So this...this was way better because it was the real thing. It was Alex and not some stand in."

"So it wasn't about...dick? With Archie I mean."

Olivia shook her head. "No. I felt a connection to Archie that I hadn't felt with anybody since you." She shrugged. "And if I couldn't have you...I could have him."

"But you liked not being in control?"

Olivia nodded."I liked not having to be the boss. Not having that pressure." Alex had a slight smile. "What?"

"And I'm just the opposite with this. Janice wouldn't let me do this to her and I don't really like to be on the receiving end, but the thought of doing you was irresistible to me."

Olivia looked away. "I guess Arlyn got really lucky, huh?"

"If she did? Does that bother you?"

Alex wanted to see how Olivia would answer.

Olivia knew the answer but wanted to figure out the best way to convey what she was feeling.

"Yes, it does. I've always been possessive of you, even when I had my head in my ass. It killed me when I realized you and Janice were sleeping together. I cried after the first time I had sex with Penny." She looked at Alex. "And it made me really depressed because it never occurred to me that you'd move on; that I'd move on. I don't want to move on."

"Oh Liv." Alex tried to pull out of Olivia, but the brunette shook her head. "What?"

Tears began to stream down Olivia's face. "I feel safer right now than I have in a really long time. Please don't leave me."

Alex nodded and wiped at Olivia's tears. "I won't baby. I promise." She leaned down and kissed the brunette and began pulling back.

"No!"

"Shhh. I don't want to get stuck inside you. I've got you baby."

Alex dispensed with the harness and spooned Olivia from behind.

"Liv, you don't need to renew that lease."


	28. Chapter 28

Alex awoke to find a head full of brown hair on her chest. She smiled as she realized Olivia was cupping her right breast. She also realized her lover had slipped on a t-shirt at some point. She decided she needed to put something on as well and carefully extracted herself from Olivia's embrace. The brunette shifted and sighed, but didn't awake.

Alex scooped up her teddy and her harness and stepped out into the hall. She was surprised to see Teegan rubbing her eyes and walking toward her. She immediately rolled the harness into the teddy and then realized she was naked.

"Mom?"

Alex shifted from foot to foot and finally settled on just holding the teddy in her hand.

"What is it Teeg?"

The girl did a double take and shook her head. "Why are you naked?"

Alex's eyes had finally focused and she could tell her daughter was flushed. She took a step toward her and felt her forehead, finding a fever.

"You have a fever." Teegan nodded and continued rubbing her eyes. "Go get in bed with OM and I'll be right in." She hurried down the hall and into her bedroom. She tossed everything into her closet and quickly pulled on a t-shirt and underwear.

Down the Hall

Teegan crawled into bed with Olivia and snuggled up to her. Olivia awoke, confused at finding their daughter in bed with her and Alex gone. She realized Teegan was feverish and struggled to sit up, turning the lamp beside the bed on.

"Teegan? What's wrong?"

"I don't feel so good and Mom said to get in bed with you." Teegan looked up at Olivia. "She was naked. Did you guys do it?"

Before Olivia could answer, Alex slipped into bed and answered for her.

"Teegan, that's personal between your mother and me. How do you feel baby? Do we need to go to the hospital?"

"That means you did it and it's about time. I want my mother's back together." She turned onto her back and looked between both of her mother's. "I just woke up all hot and sticky. Please don't make me go back to the hospital. Please!"

Alex and Olivia shared a look. Alex deferred to Olivia, knowing she was prone to over react where their daughter was concerned. Olivia had always been the more levelheaded of the two where Teegan was concerned.

"Alex, let's give her some children's Tylenol and watch her through the night. We'll call the doctor first thing in the morning, ok?"

Alex nodded and went to get the medicine. After Teegan had taken the medicine and drifted off to sleep, Alex and Olivia kept vigil through the night, Teegan secure between them. She looked over and found Olivia staring back at her.

The brunette took her hand and kissed it.

"It's going to be ok Alex. I'm not going to let anything happen to her. To either of you."

Alex leaned over their daughter and kissed the brunette.

XXXXXXXXXXX

3 Days Later

A trip to the doctor had revealed a very mild relapse for Teegan, which the doctor assured them wasn't abnormal. Olivia had finally gotten Alex to return to work by promising that she would stay with Teegan the rest of the week.

Teegan had skipped lunch in favor of a nap and now Olivia was bringing her a late afternoon snack. She found the girl awake and talking on the phone to Todd. Olivia motioned for her to end the call.

"You need to eat something Teegan."

The girl nodded and asked Olivia to sit with her while she ate.

" OM ?"

"Yes?"

"I like Todd."

"I'm sure he's a good friend Teegan." She hoped that would be the end of the conversation, but she wasn't that lucky.

"No OM , I like him, like him. You know…like you like Mom?"

Olivia's head whipped around. "What do you mean like I like your mother?"

Afraid she'd said something wrong, Teegan shrank away from Olivia. "I'm sorry OM , but I like boys, not girls. I'm not like you and Mom. Please don't be mad."

Olivia shook her head. "Teegan, why would I be mad at you for liking boys? Honey, your mother and I love each other and we just happen to both be women."

"But you guys both dated other women, not men. I…I don't want to disappoint you guys."

Olivia wrapped her arm around her daughter. "Teegan, whoever you end up loving, your mother and I will support you, as long as that person is good to you. It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl, ok?"

Teegan slowly nodded. "So it's ok that I like Todd like you and mom like each other?"

Olivia swallowed hard. "Teegan, has he asked you to do anything you shouldn't be doing?"

" OM ! No, gross! Just because you and Mom got busy last night doesn't mean I want to! I'm only 12!"

"Teegan, your mother told you that what happens between me and her is private…."

"Yeah, yeah. She was naked in the hall, coming out of your room. I may be only 12, almost 13, but I'm not dumb! Besides, it makes me happy. I want you guys back together!"

"I know. I do too and I'm working on it."

Teegan looked up at her mother. "Why'd you leave us?"

Olivia took a deep breath and answered the question she knew would one day come, but dreaded none the less.

"Teegan, I'm the one who sent Uncle Fin on that raid where he was shot and killed. That hurt me really bad Teeg. And I've felt responsible for his death ever since. And I started thinking about how I'd feel if I lost you or your mom and I couldn't handle that. And I thought about how you guys might feel if you lost me. I didn't want to get hurt or cause hurt Teegan, so I came up with the brilliant idea to leave."

Teegan scowled. "That's pretty lame OM ! Don't you know you hurt us by leaving? Besides, you and Mom are old and will die before me."

Olivia couldn't help but smile at her daughter. She seemed so grown-up and yet she could still be so naïve. She didn't bother pointing out that she could have died from the bacterial meningitis.

"Yes Teegan, it was stupid and lame and I am sorry. I hope you can one day forgive me?"

"I love you OM , of course I forgive you. I'd forgive you more if you'd make it right with Mom, but I can wait."

Olivia and the girl hugged. Outside their daughter's room Alex had heard the entire conversation. She pushed the door open and motioned for Olivia to come outside the room. The brunette was nervous, afraid Alex had overheard everything.

"How is she?"

"Good. She likes that boy Todd."

Alex played dumb. "Oh. I'm sure you handled it well Liv." She smirked at her . "Liv, I need for you to call Penny and invite her to dinner Saturday night. I've invited Serena and Archie and Arlyn."

Olivia swallowed hard. "Alex?"

"Liv, the lesbian community is small and we all need to be ok around each other. And now that I know the truth about your Archie escapade, well, I want to extend good will to him. Things are serious between Serena and Archie and she is my best friend."

"But Arlyn and Penny?"

"Possible love match Liv." She kissed the brunette. "And I have an announcement to make on Saturday."


	29. Chapter 29

**Again, thank you for the reviews. And as an aside, please note that neither Olivia nor Alex is an ear of corn. Therefore, neither one of them can "husk" when speaking. Using "husked" to describe a form of speech in American English is both grammatically and just plain WRONG. Just sayin'...**

Olivia had made the call to Penny and was surprised when the woman actually agreed to come to dinner at their house. She was unsure of how she felt about having to sit across the table with Arlyn after the woman had been with Alex. Her mind tried to tell her that Alex was going to be sitting with not one but two people she'd been with. She told her mind to just shut up.

She was pre-occupied as she got ready for bed and didn't realize that Alex was right behind her until she felt something nudging at her ass. She wheeled around and was surprised to find the blonde smirking at her.

"Alex?"

"Liv. Surely you didn't think the other night was a one time thing?"

"…uh, you want to do that again?"

Alex leaned in. "I want you to want me and I want to bury myself deep within you." She leaned in even further and smiled as Olivia bit her lower lip. "And I want you to do to me everything you did to Archie."

Olivia's eyes flew open. "What?"

Alex whispered, "You heard me." She captured Olivia's lips and stumbled as the brunette sank to her knees and took the tip of her tool into her mouth. And she moaned as Olivia clasped her ass cheeks and let her finger graze her puckered opening.

Olivia looked up and saw Alex looking down at her. She gushed with wetness and pulled back.

"Please…." Her voice was a plea.

Alex slowly nodded and motioned for Olivia to get on the bed. She covered the other woman and gently pushed into her, smiling at the look on Olivia's face. Olivia caught the expression on Alex's face and gave her a questioning look.

"You're beautiful."

Olivia shyly looked away and Alex tenderly touched her face.

"Look at me and believe." She bent her head and kissed the brunette. She continued making love to Olivia, only it was slow and gentle this time. Alex fell into a slow rhythm and began nuzzling Olivia's breasts. Olivia wanted to touch Alex, but was afraid to try given the blonde's past rejections. She settled for just letting go and enjoying what the blonde was doing to her body.

Alex did a slight adjustment with her hips and began stroking Olivia in an entirely new way. The brunette gasped and then moaned low and long. She began to meet Alex's thrusts and soon reached completion.

Afterwards Alex held Olivia from behind and they lay quietly well into the night. Neither woman was sleeping, each lost in their own thoughts. Olivia shifted against Alex and the blonde loosened her grip on the older woman.

"Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"What…what are you going to announce Saturday? Is it bad?" Olivia had the fear that Alex was going to dump her in front of their friends and old lovers. She knew it was irrational, but her insecurities got the better of her.

Alex could feel the tension in Olivia's body and couldn't help but smile.

"It's not bad Liv. I promise."

"Ok. I'm just…worried."

She kissed the back of Olivia's head and ran her hand down to her sex.

"Don't be." She played with Olivia's outer lips and as soon as the brunette opened her legs ever so slightly, she slipped inside her. "I love you."

XXXXXXXXXX

Friday

Alex was home with Teegan partly to keep an eye on her and partly to talk to her without Olivia hovering. The brunette had walked around in a daze the last two days and Alex almost had mercy on her and told her what she planned on announcing. Almost. She'd insisted the brunette return to work for her own good.

Alex had worked that morning and now that it was lunch time she fixed Teegan a grilled cheese and took a tray of food into the girl.

"Hey Teeg? Can we talk?"

The younger version of herself looked up with a trace of worry in her eyes.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yes. I just wanted to talk to you about your birthday. It's a special one because you are going to be a teenager."

Teegan looked disappointed and relieved all at once.

"Oh. Ok."

"Teegan? What's wrong?"

The girl shrugged. "I just thought maybe you wanted to talk about OM. She's been strange the last two days and she said it had to do with you. I was afraid you were going to tell me you were going to make her leave or something good."

Alex sat on the edge of her bed and smiled at her daughter. She touched her chin.

"Teegan do you trust me?" The girl nodded. "Then believe me when I tell you it's all going to be ok. Now, about your birthday…."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Munch entered the diner and found Olivia already seated. She looked agitated and he took a deep breath knowing this some how had something to do with Alex.

"Olivia." He took his hat and coat off and sat down. "Who shot your dog?"

"Alex has invited all of our ex sex partner's over for dinner on Saturday and she told me she has some sort of announcement to make. I'm worried. She says it's not bad, but…."

"You feel insecure. Do you have any reason to doubt her?"

Olivia shook her head. "No, she's never lied to me."

"So don't go all doom and gloom just yet."

She nodded and looked out the window.

"What else is going on Olivia?"

"John, I've made a decision."

XXXXXXXXXXX

That Night

Alex and Olivia were lying in bed after a warm and friendly night. Teegan had fallen asleep early, leaving her mother's with some time alone.

"Her birthday's in three weeks Liv."

"I know. Can you believe she's going to be a teenager? We are going to be mother's of a teen?"

Alex chuckled. "I know. It seems like only yesterday she was a baby. That we were bringing her home from the hospital."

"I know. Do you remember how lost we were with the whole baby thing? And how we freaked out when she had that first fever?"

Alex turned on her side and placed her hand on Olivia's stomach. "Maybe rushing her to the ER was a bit overkill." They shared a laugh. "You were so good with her." She brushed the brunette's hair off of her forehead.

Olivia turned on her side And took Alex's hand in her own. "I'm really sorry we didn't have more kids Alex. You've been a great mother to her."

"And maybe I wouldn't have been as good if we'd had a house full of kids."

"Never Alex. You were a natural…after we figured out she wouldn't break."

Olivia couldn't help herself and leaned in and kissed Alex. The kissing progressed and as she tried to push Alex onto her back the blonde stopped her. She turned onto her side, away from the brunette. Olivia flopped onto her back and sighed.

"Liv, just because I rebuffed your advance doesn't mean I don't want you to hold me. Please?"

Olivia wasted no time spooning the woman. It had been a long time since she'd gotten to hold Alex as they slept peacefully. They had both been so worried in the hospital about Teegan that they'd more or less clung to each other out of fear instead of love.

They fit together perfectly and both women slept like the dead.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Saturday

Olivia had gone to pick up one of Teegan's friends as they were allowing their daughter to have a friend over for movies and pizza as they entertained. Olivia had to mentally laugh at the notion of "entertaining" with all your ex's. She was just glad Janice wasn't invited. She didn't think she could handle seeing the woman who first proposed to Alex.

Her only consolation was that Alex had asked for her help in preparing dinner. She'd already stopped and picked up the movies and a bottle of wine. Her next stop was to get Zoe.

Alex was flitting around the kitchen, waiting on Olivia to get back. She was nervous about cooking, but not about her announcement. She'd made cookies from a tube of cookie dough for Teegan and her friend.

She was pulled from her thoughts at the sound of Liv and Zoe. She went out to greet Teegan's best friend with a hug and walked her down to their daughter's room. Once she'd gotten them situated and taken their pizza order, she went back to the kitchen. Olivia was standing over the stove, stirring her sauce.

"Looks like you did a good job on this Alex."

The blonde smiled, pleased at Olivia's praise. "You've taught me well."

Olivia took her time and when she finally looked at Alex she had tears in her eyes.

"No baby, it's you who taught me." She took step toward Alex. "Alex, I've got my own announcement to make tonight."

Alex' heart skipped a beat. "Oh?"

Olivia nodded. "I don't want to tell you this in front of a bunch of strangers." At Alex's look she clarified, "You know what I mean. Anyway, I put in for retirement. I…I just can't do it anymore Alex. Losing Fin was a huge blow to me personally and professionally and I finally realized I don't have what it takes anymore." She shook her head. "And I don't like what it's cost me."

Alex rocked back on her heels.

"If you're sure?" Olivia nodded. "When did you decide this?"

Olivia rolled her shoulders. "It's been in my mind for a while now, but the main decision was this week. I realized I wanted to be here with you and Teegan, not waiting for my detectives to come back in from a call I sent them out on."

Alex took Olivia into her arms and held her. "I know what being a cop means to you Liv and I know this wasn't an easy decision for you." She kissed her. "However, I support you baby. I always have and I always will." Now it was Olivia who gave Alex a look. "Most of the time I support you!"

They shared another kiss that was interrupted by the doorbell. They broke apart and Olivia went to answer it while Alex finished up with dinner.

She looked out the peep hole and saw Archie, Serena and a woman who looked like her on the door step. She took a deep breath and opened the door. Archie and Serena walked on in, but Arlyn waited for Olivia to invite her in.

"We do resemble each other."

Olivia bristled at what she knew was the truth, but waved the woman in anyway.

"You must be Arlyn. I'm Olivia."


	30. Chapter 30

All six women were sitting around the dining table having a less than comfortable dinner. Alex had had enough and put her fork down.

"Ok everybody... here's the deal; Everybody at this table has been intimate with each other either directly or indirectly. Now, everybody needs to get over it."

Five women looked at Alex and all at once the tension drained from the room and conversation began to flow. Well, for everybody but Olivia. The brunette still looked uncomfortable. Alex watched her for a few more minutes before having mercy on her over dessert.

"Before we dig into the cupcakes, I have an announcement to make." Olivia's eyes went wide as she dropped the cupcake she'd just reached for. "Teegan's birthday is in three weeks and she's going to be a teenager. Olivia and I have something very special planned for Teegan and we need your help to pull it off."

Olivia almost choked. "We do?"

The other women looked at Olivia and then Alex and then each other.

Serena was the first to speak. "What are you doing for her?"

Alex got up and walked around the table to where Olivia was sitting. She reached down and took hold of Olivia's hand. She then bent and kissed the brunette. Olivia held her breath as she waited for Alex to reveal what they were doing for Teegan.

"We're getting married."

"We are?" Olivia stood up and looked hopeful.

Alex smiled at her and then wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck. She leaned in and kissed her. "Yes, we are." She reached across the table into the centerpiece and pulled out a black ring box. "I didn't look at it. Ask me again?"

Numbly Olivia got down on one knee and opened the box to reveal a one carat Tiffany cut diamond ring with topaz baguettes.

"Marry me?"

Alex held her left hand out and watched as Olivia slid the ring onto her ring finger.

"Yes."

Relived, Olivia grabbed Alex and pulled her into a throat cleansing kiss, complete with some subtle groping. When they pulled apart, Alex smiled at Olivia.

"I love you."

Serena looked at them and then their dinner companions.

"That's sweet and long overdo. Can we eat our cupcakes now?"

They finished dessert amid pleasant conversation and a shell shocked Olivia. As they sat around in the living room having coffee, the conversation turned to Teegan's birthday and just how they were going to give her their gift. Alex told them that was something they were going to discuss with Teegan, but everybody was invited to whatever they decided to do.

Soon they were all leaving and Alex slipped her ring off much to Olivia's dismay.

"Relax. I want us to tell Teegan together and since you have to take Zoe home, I'll wait until you get back, ok?"

Looking sheepish Olivia nodded and then grabbed Alex and hugged her tight.

"I love you so much Alex." She kissed the blonde and then went down the hall to collect their daughter's best friend.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex went down the hall and checked on Teegan who was watching TV. She crawled on the bed beside the girl.

"How are you feeling Teegan?"

"Good. How was your dinner party?"

"It was good honey. Really good. As soon as OM gets back, we need to have a talk, ok?"

"Mom? Is it bad?" Teegan's face was panicked.

Just then Olivia walked into the room smiling.

"No Teeg, it's not bad at all." She sat down on the edge of the bed and took Alex's hand.

"Teegan, OM and I are giving you something very special for your birthday. If you want it. OM asked me to marry her and I said yes." She fished her ring out of her pocket and slipped it on her ring finger.

Teegan squealed and hugged both of her mother's. She then got out of bed and jumped up and down.

"I love you guys so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is awesome!"

They spent the next hour indulging their daughter's every whim concerning their nuptials. The girl decided that they would actually get married on her birthday and they would turn it into a combined birthday party for her and wedding reception for them followed by a trip to Disney World. The only snag had been when she'd asked if Todd could be her "special" guest. Olivia had relented and said that yes, he could.

After they put her to bed and made sure she was actually asleep, they sat on the couch, Alex snuggled against Olivia.

"I hope you aren't mad at me for accepting like I did?"

"I don't care how you accepted it, just that you did!" She kissed Alex's head. "How'd you know where to find the ring?"

Alex looked at her and smirked. "Are you serious? We've known each other how long? Living with a detective has advantages. You've taught me well. I know your secrets."

Olivia smiled. "Yes you do. You're the only one."

Alex stood up and held out her hand. "Let's go to bed."

Olivia stood and walked down the hall, stopping at the door to her room.

"Liv, let's go to our room."

The brunette smiled and gladly followed her soon-to-be wife down the hall and into the bedroom they once shared. Alex turned and wrapped her arms around the brunette and kissed her.

"Make love to me."

Olivia's pulse quickened and she nodded and they began slowly undressing each other. Soon they were on the bed, sliding against each other, touching and loving on each other. Olivia moved down Alex's body planting kisses along the way and then she was gently parting the blonde's folds with first her nose and then her tongue.

As she tasted the blonde for the first time in over a year she briefly wondered why she'd ever left something so good. She pushed it aside and began loving the woman who was going to be her wife. Alex wasn't long for the taking as she came harder than she could remember in a long time.

Olivia eventually crawled up her body and held the blonde after thoroughly kissing her.

"Why I ever wanted to leave this, you, is beyond me. I'm sorry."

"You were depressed Liv. Do I wish this never would have happened? Yes." She turned on her side and looked down at Olivia. "And I don't want it to ever happen again."

Olivia shook her head. "It won't. I promise."

Alex nodded and then began her own exploration of the brunette's body. She too showered the brunette with attention and love. As her tongue sank into the woman she was finally going to be legally tied to, she felt an inner peace she hadn't felt in quite some time. She brought her partner over the edge and then held her as she came down.

After they'd both returned to a resting state, Alex decided to come clean with Olivia.

"I never slept with Arlyn."

"Really?" Olivia raised her head and searched Alex's face.

"Really. I tried to, at the time I thought I wanted to, but I just couldn't."

"But at dinner you said everybody had been intimate either directly or indirectly."

"I got naked with Arlyn, so that's intimate."

Olivia chose her words carefully. "Alex, while I am glad you didn't sleep with her that way, it wouldn't matter if you had. What matters is that I love you and you love me and nothing is ever going to come between us again. My actions have been foolish and stupid and at times down right dangerous. Never again."

"Welcome home Liv."

Epilogue to follow

Again, thank you for reading. If you tried to join the Yahoo Group svu_ladiesfanficdiscuss list, it's a dead list. go to svuladies net and use the subscribe box to subscribe to the svu_ladies at yahoogroups com.


	31. Epilogue

**And this is the end. I thank all of you for reading and reviewing, even the unflattering ones. I have not and will never "fake" or "milk" a review of any of my story's. No writer should write for reviews. Be proud of your work regardless of what others think. You took the time to write it, that's more than the ones who usually hate on your story. And if you get a heckler/flamer, challenge them to put up or shut up. Usually they hide.**

Alex was sitting on the front porch swing watching as Olivia and Teegan finished painting the front door. She watched as mother and daughter bickered over the best way to paint and not leave any brush strokes.

Just as they were putting on the finishing touches, Todd rolled up on his bicycle and waved at Teegan. He nervously looked in Olivia's direction and faltered as the brunette gave him a long, hard stare.

"Ms. Benson. I was wondering if I could talk to Teegan. Maybe she could go for a bike ride with me?"

Olivia took her time considering and finally offered an alternative.

"How about I let you and Teegan wash out these brushes and then you two can play video games in the living room? She's still a little weak."

Teegan started to protest but one look from Olivia told her this was as good as it was going to get. She shot Todd an apologetic look and shrugged. To his credit, the young suitor nodded and carefully parked his bike and started helping Teegan wash the brushes under Olivia's direction.

After they'd finished, Olivia went inside and fixed a snack for them and then went back out on the porch, having left the front door open. She settled in next to Alex and took her hand.

Alex looked down at their entwined hands and smiled at the matching bands. She leaned over and kissed Olivia.

"What was that for?"

"For not embarrassing out daughter too much."

Olivia snorted.

"Liv, why'd you choose to paint the door red?"

Olivia waggled her eyebrows. "Passion. And I could stand to look at it any longer with the color Janice painted it." She gave Alex a kiss. "I wanted to paint it the day after you told me I didn't need to renew the lease on my old place, but I thought I better wait until we got married."

"Wise move." She sighed.

"What?"

"I can't believe the last month. We got married, went to Disney, decided to add to the family and now we've painted the door."

"We? Teegan and I painted the door. You just sat here watching."

"I was supervising."

Olivia stole a kiss and then stood up. "Which is exactly what I need to be inside doing."

Alex just shook her head and smiled at her over protective wife.

XXXXXXXXX

After Todd had left and they'd had dinner Teegan had announced that she needed to talk to her mother's, which had mortified Olivia and barely phased Alex.

"Moms, I am really, really glad I'm not a bastard anymore."

"Teegan!"

"Language!"

Olivia and Alex looked at each other.

"Teegan why would you call yourself a bastard?"

"Language Olivia!"

Olivia barely spared Alex a glance. "Teegan? Why?"

The girl shrugged. "Because that's what I was before you got married. Now I'm legitimate."

Olivia, remembering year's of taunts from her own childhood, pulled their daughter into her lap.

"Did anybody ever call you that?"

Teegan rolled her eyes. "No. I read about it in an old book. Half my classmates come from broken or never formed families or whatever you want to call it. I'm just trying to tell you that you and Mom getting married is the best thing to ever happen to me." She thought for a moment. "At least until tomorrow."

Alex groaned. "Don't remind me. Now go to bed. School starts next week and you need to get back into a routine."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That night Alex and Olivia made love twice and then snuggled together and slept. They were still entwined when Teegan came bursting through the door shouting for them to get up.

Olivia groaned as she rolled over and found the amused face of Alex.

"How can you be happy at this hour?"

"Because this was your doing. Now, let's get going."

3 Hours Later

Alex and Olivia were sitting in the backyard watching Teegan and their brand new rescue dogs play chase. The dog was mutt through and through and Teegan had fallen in love with him as soon as she'd seen the puppy and then had pitched a fit when she learned the dog's mother also needed a home.

So, they now had two dogs instead of the one they'd agreed on.

"Now that you're retired Liv, you need something to keep you busy. Pogo and MiMi ought to do just that."

Olivia leaned over and kissed her wife deeply and soundly.

"As long as I get to do it here, in our house with our family, it's ok."


End file.
